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Monday, 27 February 2017

Letter To My Ex's Bae




Hehehe. 

So as the month of love comes to an end, I'm allowed to be salty and venture into the less sugary side of love. I think about my last ex from time to time because, well, I don't have amnesia. 

I love Adele's song "Give my love to your new lover, treat her better...."

I always say Adele which one consign you with your ex's new lover? Abeg mind your business and face your own bae. 

LOL. 

But truth be told, sometimes we think about the person who's with our ex now and we can't help but wonder how the relationship is. Some Exs were actually really great, don't get me wrong. But some were real douchebags. Either ways no one is ever perfect so if you're to advice your ex's current boo based on the experiences you had in the relationship, what would you say?

Mine would read like this

Dear *Nna's bae,
He has a thing for younglings, JAMB and WAEC candidates are his preference so if you see any of your little neighbour's lingering around, be extra watchful. Also, you're going to need some pretty solid ear muffs for that snoring. Jeez, his snores can wake up your ancestors, but you've probably figured that out by now. He has a porn addiction so don't feel insecure when you cannot do the sometimes debasing, sometimes fantabulous things he might request of you. Those things are only normal in the porn industry not in real life, so don't think other women do such things and start to feel bad or insecure... Err, unless you have similar kinks as he does, in which case more power to you ☺️. Oh, he's stingy but once you find his sweet spots you can turn him into Alhaji bringi bringi. 😂. Lastly, don't forget regular tests and check ups, I think this might be the most important advise. 


Now. Your turn. 

23 comments:

  1. Dear Ex soon to be wife,

    Flea! He's got temper issues and an ego so big that you have to make yourself small when he feels threatened. Although his caring and generous nature could blind you from these flaws, your eyes will definitely see them at the long run.
    He acts all "Christiany" but in truth he prefers the burden to be on women. A woman bears all the work and should tolerate everything thrown at her. He also believes men because of their nature are fallible so be prepared that he may fall. If he does fall and gets some STD he will definitely put the blame on you. Above all he can be such a child except he's grown up recently. I doubt that though.
    Anyway, good luck on your impending wedding... Regards, OB

    ReplyDelete
  2. Omg! That went below the belt and had a direct hit on them nuts! Ouch..

    Well,a letter to my ex. You love ur family but now that she's ur wife, love her more...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hahahahahaha Thelma!
    Oh well... Dear *Nna's bae, #wehdoneMa!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dear H's new sex partner,

    Im sure you are bored by now. Sex with her is more boring than watching teletobies. Yea..I know what you thinking. Why does she want to have sex all night when all she wants to do is lay like a log of wood.
    No blow job. No doggy style. No spontaneous sex. And why must the lights be turned off all the time, starting to think she is a winch.
    What is up with her wanting to fall asleep with her hand on a nigga's D? Jeez! I hope you can live with spit all over your mouth when yall kiss.
    Lastly. There was a day I had to lie that I had run out of condoms just to escape the boring sex. She had the guts to suggest that I hit it raw. Naa mehn. That was the last time I ever saw her. Make sure you do tests dawg.

    Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahh.kon has killed me.LOL,Choiii,I can imagine.. maybel

      Delete
  5. I cant dignify anything to my Ex, how much more his bae. Next!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hhommmaaaghad!! The comments here are hilarious.
    To my ex's ,new bae. I hope you enjoy the bucket full of saliva he brings with him during kisses. The intonation and bad english that sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Oh, i'm sure you've figured out by now that you cannot correct him during an argument as he is never wrong. And he likes dem girls around him too. The more the merrier. Holds a grudge like he's using it to produce evostick glue. A baby in a man's body. But i guess a finee face covers a multitude of sins so have fun.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dear Sweedie's bae,

    Hold on to him, he's good people. His kind is very rare, trust me, I've looked. He can be laid back but a gentle push/reminder will sit him up. And lastly, love him.

    Sunshine

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Errr....looks like you are still in love.

      Contact me. Ill teach you how to get him back.

      Peace.

      Delete
    2. Lol.. probably, but na me say I no dey do again so...@Kon

      How am I the only one who said nice things about ex bae?

      Delete
    3. ...because na u choose to walk away... the rest were dumped and it's obvious!

      Delete
    4. I think it's because Thelma emphasised on the 'douchebags.

      Delete
    5. Ahhaahahahahahahahahaahhahahahahahahahaha. anon,you dey vex ohhhh.. Awwww sunshine,I can imagine though.. maybel

      Delete
  8. Dear Ex' Bea RUN RUN RUN as fast as you can. I can't wish that guy even on my worst enemy. He is a master of pretence but gradually when he shows his true colours you will have no other option but to RUN RUN

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dear Harris' new Bae,you are dating yourself.
    Funke

    ReplyDelete
  10. Dear *TBay's bae:
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    ..RUN...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh my. Never had an ex. Post plus comments, so intersting.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  13. O my days! *copies T's letter t Nna's bae, pastes it on new page, adds PS: I hope you have a job cos he expects you to look like KimK n Beyonce combined but won't provide a penny towards that. Also, be aware of chics that look like KimK n Beyonce around him. Chances are he's in their pants. For the love of God, get a voice and insist he at least takes to functions in the village instead of hiding you away like an STD result. So sorry you caught the bullet I and a lot of others apparently are glad we missed.
    Seals improved letter n send it to my own Nna's new bae

    ReplyDelete
  14. I am so late, but Dear new Bae,

    Please i beg you keep all your girlfriends away, never introduce your friends to him esp the fine ones, well i wont be surprised when your friend replaces you cos apparently that's how you became bae.

    ReplyDelete

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