Here's your one-stop blog where we have conversations on real life stories, inspiration, relationships, sex, fiction, humour, politics, lifestyle and everything in between. Join the conversation!

Friday, 31 March 2017

#FranklySpeaking: Jungle Justice & The Fallen Witch. WWJD?

As I drove pass Ajip junction this afternoon, I saw a very visibly agitated crowd almost blocking the road. I slowed down and asked a police traffic warden what the matter was and she explained to me that a witch just fell down while flying from a meeting.

I became angry in my spirit. Another Ignorant mob must have snuffed life out of an innocent woman. 

As I expressed my thoughts with some close Christian friends who were subtly endorsing the action, I asked them one question. Will Jesus endorse this sort of jungle  justice?

This malnourished woman was murdered by an ignorant blood thirsty mob. The only sin she committed was that she looked malnourished. Look at the huge stone by her side and you’d see the shape of that stone on her chest. 

Killers of witch, will Jesus do this? I’m a Christian and I think people who did this are in same mould with Boko haram and Killer Herdsmen. 

If you claim she is a witch and you killed her for doing evil, aren’t you worried that her fellow witches will come for you? If you claim she was flying and fell down, arent you scared that whatever has the ability to fly might also have the ability to revenge? 

Liars !!!

You killed her because you knew she was harmless . 

This woman was murdered by society because she was poor, malnourished and weak and unprotected, ironically why her society should have protected her. 

I ask again, will Jesus do this? 

No sir, The Jesus whom I read about in the bible and acknowledge in my heart will not do this. 

If you claim that you did this in the name of Christianity. You are not a Christian. 

You are just a murderer.

My friend pastor Steward captures it succinctly :
"I am strongly thinking that woman must have been in some hole, some prison, who knows? Trapped, kept by someone or something, starved, Tortured and maybe had finally escaped and found her way out. I am thinking she was simply found lying there and the story of her transforming came up because of what she looked like. No one can clearly describe the transformation claimed. She looks hungry, dried, Tortured, more like a victim. Did anyone care to listen to her? Did she say anything? Did she mutter some words? Or were her attempts to speak drowned by shocks and shouts? Did she just show up half dressed and naked and no one thought she must have been sexually abused? No autopsy? Just plain conclusion of witchcraft?

This isn't the gospel we were sent to preach. Humans falling from the sky? I find it hard to believe. I have examined the pictures. I see hunger, trauma, torture, abuse and the cold death of someone who might have thought she had finally crawled her way to life. You don't have to take my thoughts, but that's the way I think. Everyone has a story about her, but has anyone heard her story?


But one question I'd like to ask you guys, I know where FS stands, but do you believe that these individuals are really witches? These incidents happen quite often in different parts of Nigeria and the story always goes the same way; bird falls from the sky or a tree or a poll or something up up sha, and lands on the ground as a ravaged old woman like the one in the picture above, they always look like this...

Do such things really exist?


Thursday, 30 March 2017

Ladies, What Would You Do?

LOL. I honestly don't know what I would do. 

I know almost every guy in this situation would do what his mother says.

But for us women, 

It's complicated. πŸ˜–πŸ˜†πŸ˜΅


What would you do?



Job Tile: Accountant

Location: Port Harcourt 


Safe Handling and bank lodgement of cash receipts into the company's bank accounts on a daily basis

Receipt and review of goods, received notes (GRN) and invoices to check for any inconsistencies/ variances in price, quantity and specification before recording and forwarding to Head Office for further processing.

Effective management of units imprest and retirements.

Responsible for administration of Staff lunch funds for the unit and ensure staff satisfaction in this regard.

Receipt and review of invoices to check for any inconsistencies/variances in price, quantity and specification

Trace the usage of materials from stock issue (requisition forms) through production (movement sheets) to sales (till print) on a daily basis; reporting any variances noticed.

Verification of the records kept by operating units to ensure accuracy and completeness by carrying out spot checks, and stock counts or vouching process documents on a regular basis

Provision of adequate change for cashiers to service their customers satisfactorily

Preparing the company's monthly accounts .


Must be a female 

Minimum requirement Accountancy

1-3years experience 

Analytical skill

Attentions to details


Good book keeping skill


Job Title: Restaurant Manager

Location: Port Harcourt


Taking responsibility for the business performance of the restaurant

Analysing and planning restaurant sales levels and profitability

Organising marketing activities, such as promotional events and discount schemes

Preparing reports at the end of the shift/week, including staff control, food control and sales

Creating and executing plans for department sales, profit and staff development

Setting budgets and/or agreeing them with senior management

Planning and coordinating menus

Coordinating the entire operation of the restaurant during scheduled shifts

Managing staff and providing them with feedback

Responding to customer complaints

Ensuring that all employees adhere to the company’s uniform standards

Meeting and greeting customers and organising table reservations

Advising customers on menu and wine choice

Recruiting, training and motivating staff

Organising and supervising the shifts of kitchen, waiting and cleaning staff

Maintaining high standards of quality control, hygiene, and health and safety

Checking stock levels and ordering supplies

Qualifications and Requirements:

Bachelors Degree or equivalent in any field preferably in Hotel and catering Mgt., Food, Science & technology, Business Administration

Candidate must be able to demonstrate a good level of education to justify grade (Minimum of Second class lower)

A minimum of Four (4) years of similar work experience in the same industry 

Business Acumen and ability to a take a strategic perspective

Excellent verbal and written communication skills

Great People skills

Computer literate (Able to use Microsoft office suite)

Analytical and numerical skills

High level initiative

Proven track record of leadership and supervisory experience

The ability to work long hours, including over weekends and public holidays


Job Title: Restaurant Supervisor 

Location: Port Hacourt 


Supervising the day to day operations of the Fast food/Restaurant

Taking responsibility for the business performance of the restaurant.

Analysing and planning restaurant sales levels and profitability.

Preparing reports at the end of the shift/week, including staff control, food control and sales

Setting budgets and/or agreeing them with senior management.

Planning and coordinating menus.

Coordinating the entire operation of the restaurant during scheduled shifts.

Managing staff and providing them with feedback.

Responding to customer complaints

Organising and supervising the shifts of kitchen, waiting and cleaning staff.

Maintaining high standards of quality control, hygiene, and health and safety

Checking stock levels and ordering supplies.

Preparing cash drawers and providing petty cash as required.

Helping in any area of the restaurant when circumstances dictate.



Minimum of HND/B.Sc. in any related discipline

At least 0 - 5 years’ experience

Excellent communication and interpersonal skills

Must be computer literate

Must be able to work on overnight shifts.

Can work with little or no supervision.

Willing to undergo the company's on the Job training programm. 

Applications should be sent through email:




Wednesday, 29 March 2017

Debie-Rise, TBoss, Marvis & Bally Nominated for Eviction. Who do You think will Leave on Sunday?

As the end comes closer I'm getting really curious to see what happens in the Big Brother house. At the end of the this week’s nomination rounds, Debie-Rise, TBoss, Marvis, and Efe were up for eviction but Bisola been head of house, switched Bally with Efe, setting him up for eviction and letting she and Efe remain the top finalist for this year’s Big Brother Naija Show (lots of people feel this was an extremely foolish move as Efe is her biggest competition in the house). 

So people, who do you think will leave the #BBNaija house on Sunday? Make your predictions below! πŸ˜‰


What Will Be Will Be.

This article perfectly articulates my thoughts and the words I was trying to express to @naijasinglegirl days ago when she posted something about being single. Well, read and enjoy:

Ify worked as a branch manager in a very popular bank in the city. At 37 she was single, had no children and lived a very modest life. She spent her time relaxing at home or attending choir practise – she was a devout catholic. Somewhere within her she had just about given up on finding a husband. Every birthday, she would bring in a birthday cake to work and celebrate with her team members who would whisper about her single status. Incidentally most of the team where married. 

Just before her 38th birthday, Ify met this man in church who was an established doctor in the US. He was in the process of opening up a hospital in Lagos as part of his plans to relocate. His father already had a practice and had put pressure on Ike to return home. He stumbled on Ify in church and he was hooked! It is 5 years after marriage, Ify is pregnant for baby number 4 and has taken a leave of absence to focus on family life. Bumped into her recently and she is one happy woman. What will be will be.
Remi got married to her childhood sweetheart at the age of 25. She had known Yemi since they were 17 and they both attended University in the same city before they eventually got married. 7 years later and they are still trying for a child. They present a united front, love each other to bits and are working together to undergo IVF. I never met a more united couple. What will be will be.
Benardette graduated from the University at age 24 and she got married to her colleague at work. The beatings started almost immediately after the wedding. As is typical of most African marriages not having a child compounded the issue and she was kicked out after 8 unhappy years. Alone, she 
continued to focus on her career until she met Steven who would be her 2nd husband.
After 3 years of marriage, Steven asked for a divorce as he believed Bernadette could not give him a child. They had tried several treatments but nothing worked. Knowing that Benny as we refer to her, had not had a baby in her first marriage, made him less patient.
Benny is now 43 and alone again. She was thriving in her career, acquired a couple of properties but she was still restless and lonely. She took a leave of absence and came to the UK for a Masters program. At age 46 she met a 44 year old Briton who believed she was the prettiest thing that ever lived. At 44 Bob had never been married and was almost a confirmed bachelor. Benny gave him a new lease on life as she provided that excitement and love he craved. They have both been married for 3 years now and are waxing stronger and stronger. This union is about living out the rest of their lives as lovers and best friends, having children is not the focus. Benny has made peace with the fact that maybe she was never meant to have children. They are happy and I see them strolling hand in hand in the park every now and then. What will be will be.
Eloho came from a close knit family of 7. She was an only girl and the last child with 4 brothers. She finished school at 23 and started working immediately afterwards. As she progressed in her career she longed to get married and start a family. Her elder brothers had all moved on to various parts of the globe. It was just her and her old folks. At 30 she decided to rent her own flat for some level of freedom. She went on dates, to church, shows, conferences; wherever there was a gathering Eloho showed up in heels. She was slim, beautiful and brilliant but for whatever reason Eloho was still alone. Eloho gave herself a deadline, she would have a child if after 35 she did not meet anyone.
At 36 alone still, she went ahead and planned for a baby via a donor. 4 years later, Eloho was on a 
vacation to Disney Land Paris and while on the plane, her beautiful daughter Emily took to another little girl on the plane. Emily’s friend was 4 and had another brother aged 6 and they were travelling in the company of their dad. Dad was divorced, lived in Paris and it was his turn to look after the children and he was on his way back home from the UK. He struck up a conversation with Eloho and they both agreed to hook up at Disney the following day with all the kids. It was a blended family in the making, the wedding is in fact this summer. Wonder if I’ll be invited. What will be will be.
Written by Uloma Ezirim for Bella Naija . All four stories are very true, which is typical of my articles. Let’s hope someone out there is smiling and connecting with these stories. When you get the chance please visit for tales like this. Cheers!


Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Zee: Letter To My Exs' Baes...

Writing to “Nna's New Bae” the other day inspired me to write to others. I’m glad I got to say this, even if they most likely won’t read his, it was liberating for me to just voice them out. So here it goes, this is words from ME TO THE EXS’ BAES AND AN EX BAE.

Dear C,
You are an ass of epic proportions!!! I hope you are enjoying being abused daily by the one you left me for. It’s amazing how no one ever calls guys like you, that unapologetically leave women who have loved you and stood by you heartbroken, as you waltz off and marry someone else for money and family name, out for being what you are: Gold-digging Men-Whores!

Anyways, I heard you’re having the time of your life. What life is left of her eroding it, that is. You certainly looked ‘wonderful’ the last time I saw you. Call it schadenfreude or what you will, but since the day I came back to a house I spent my time decorating as part of making plans of building a home with you locked, my stuff packed outside and you, gone off to marry her, I never felt better than I did seeing you at the train station and watching her berate you as she did, fingers in your face, with no care that you were in public. I had heard the rumors, but seeing her disrespect you like that, something I would never have done to you, and watching you stand there in a daze after she actually left you and got on a train was…wow! The look on you face at that moment you saw me was epic. Thank God I looked like a million pounds!

You are the only one I’m writing to directly and it’s deliberate. I heard you’ve been asking about me recently, after almost a decade. Please stop. I am alive, I am well as you saw, and I have no desire nor intention of hearing whatever it is you have to say. Consider this my response
Your #pepperthemgang chairlady ex,
Petty Betty Me. 


Dear Silver's Bae,
He may be broken and I had a hand in breaking him. He came to me cracked, and I had no idea how to handle the man he was. 
I heard you are a beautiful soul. I hope the beauty he is survived and exists in the man with you. If it did, I know you would see, appreciate and love the beauty as I didn’t.


Dear V’s Bae,
If you are a girl, you are his beard. It’s that simple. He is very conscious of what people around him think. Given what I just said, your existence means he’s back in an environment where he feels obligated to crawl back into the closet I know he came out of. The nookie when/if it happens, would be technically ok, but his heart would be in the wrong place, probably with whoever he parades as his bestie at any time. I said 'if” ‘cos if you are the type to ‘not test drive the car before purchase’, he is the perfect bae that does not pester you for sex, and in your dreams, you’d have found the one that is ready to wait for you to be ready. Me, I be NASCAR driver so E no werk for me. He will generally treat you like gold, however there will be moments when his resentment for what you represent will bubble to the surface. If, you are aware of his situation (I heard babes now enter arrangement with guys so…), chances are none of this would be the case sha as you know what’s on ground. However, if any of this is news to you, then inokwa One Chance! He would be gone as soon as whatever project he’s on is done, and his bestie would be gone too. You are better off with him as a friend and I found he is a good friend to have in difficult times, but only if he is himself and not trying to be your perfect bae. He can be the perfect bae, but not to you (there’s a reason why his ‘besties’ would willingly pack up and follow him to wherever he met you). Think of it.

If you are a guy, congratulations! You have someone who, despite the way our friendship started,I consider a good friend, even though we are far apart. I know a number of others who feel the same way about him, and we would not hesitate to beat your fine ass up (I know you are fine cos his ashawo ass is a sucker for pecs, abs and a fine face like that) if you screw up and hurt him.


Dear Dark Chocolate’s new Bae,
There is a reason he is dark chocolate, and it isn’t solely ‘cos all 6.3” of him looks like one. He is the right amount of sweet and bitter, he’s good for your health and he’s an acquired taste.Hopefully, for both your sakes, you have realized all this already. 

He is sometimes bitter: He forgets birthdays. He isn’t emotional, he would almost never tell you how he feels about you, and sometimes gets downright uncomfortable if/when you express how you feel about him. He gets moody sometimes, especially about work, and he retreats into himself and shuts you out. He is sometimes stubborn enough to make a ram look like a professor of diplomatic relations and he hogs the covers in winter (seriously, stock a new duvet for that).

However, he is sweet too: He is generous with his time, attention, possessions and resources. He will drive for 4 hours to come and pick you up at the airport at 5am in winter. He would give you a foot and back rub without being told ‘cos he would actually notice you need it. He would cook for you (he’s a wizard with chicken), just because, as long as it’s not egusi soup. That, he hopes you can make. He would call and have food delivered to you, across town, because you have a migraine or are ill, so you won’t have to stress. He would rock your world between the sheets (and on the stairs, in the shower, the kitchen island and anywhere else you can think of) andcuddle with you. He’s not into PDA, but he would hold your hand in public and give you a kiss now and then if he really likes you. He would make you laugh with that cutting wit of his, and you can hold a conversation with him about almost anything, and it would be one of the most insightful you’ve ever had. Best of all, he would always give you great advice, seek yours and actually listen and use them. He would inspire you to dream bigger, and push you to aim higher than you ever used to. You will see the pride he takes in your successes and he would be there to hold you if you fail and encourage you to try again till you succeed.

In case you haven’t realized it yet, I think he’s pretty awesome. I also know as long as you are good to him, he would put you first. He wouldn’t step out on you. Long distance created a chance for him to be with you and so far, he seems content. I will respect that. Kindly keep him happy, ‘cos if you don’t, I would not think twice. I would be back so fast, it would seem like superpowers, and this time, I won’t be leaving.


Ije love *sigh* 😌.

And LOL @ "Kindly keep him happy, ‘cos if you don’t, I would not think twice. I would be back so fast, it would seem like superpowers, and this time, I won’t be leaving". Who else can relate? πŸ˜‰


Monday, 27 March 2017

An Adulter Adult!

Hey guys. I hope your week is starting out with a bang. 

So I'm currently at The Lagoon School Lekki, Lagos to pick up my little cousin's entrance examination result. I'm being made to wait so I'm sitting down here taking it all in and it makes me wonder about parenthood. 

I'm certainly old enough to have kids in primary school but watching these kids puts some serious panic in me. Like, they're children but they all have lives and personalities of their own. Some are very calm and collected, some are unruly, some are quiet, some are too talkative, some are observant, some are 'miss smarty pants'. They all have voices of their own and some of them seem not to think that your age entitles you to their respect. It's scary. 

I think about having a child, like a prepubescent child, one like the ones I'm watching right now and my heart is racing. I'm wondering, why do people want this???

It's cute when they're babies and toddlers, but these ones, this isn't cute! Why would someone deliberately put themselves in this odious, tedious position to be in charge of one of these???

Can you even have a life when they become your life? What's so fun about their homework, petty quarels, moodiness, attitude or them in general?

I'm just now watching a few of them, the bubblers; popular kids, no doubt. Walking with their noses in the air and their shoulders raised higher than their heads while their hopeful minions trail nervously behind. 

Makes me wonder again. Why would any right thinking person want this over freedom, flightiness, no responsibility, fun, travel, carefree life... 

I guess I'm wondering about this because I've hungered for motherhood for long but I never really thought about it beyond pregnancy-birth-baby-tot... And suddenly I'm aware that it goes wayyyy beyond that and the thought freaks me out.

I mean, on most days I need an adult to put me through things. And now that I'm thinking about raising children I'm like I know I'm an adult but just I kent do this. I need an adulter adult!


Is there anyone else out there who's afraid of older children and teenagers?

So please redeem my zeal to live again, tell me the fun things about being a parent. I really need to hear this right now!

Ps; Just picked up my cousin's result. She's just passed the second exam and is now among the very few candidates up for scholarship at The Lagoon School. Whoop whoop! Big congratulations to her! πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ

Photo source:


Sunday, 26 March 2017

#FranklySpeaking. For Mother's Day; You Girls Rock!

Today, the women ministry of the satellite church where I worship did a choreographed dance for Africa's most popular music, Nico Mbarga's " Sweet Mother".

As I watched the women dance, I began to meditate on the essence of motherhood and my eyes became moist as I reminisced about my mother who passed on in 2004.

It wasn't thoughts of anguish or mourning but a sudden realization of the great importance of motherhood to this world .

One of the most amazing things about motherhood is how they blend love and discipline together, dishing the two out when necessary .

As much as my mother loved me passionately, there has been times when she slapped me and I'd almost convince myself that I was an adopted child.

Her favorite bible portion was "withhold not the rod from his back". Kai. I used to wonder if God was watching while people included that portion into the bible . 'Spare the rod and spoil the child'. Rod. Rod! no be even cane, na wao oo.

I still remember the first day I slept outside the house as a young graduate and my mother welcomed me home with hot slaps. I still couldn't believe it. For Gods sake I'm a graduate! "Graduate nonsense" My mother screamed and more slaps chased me. Kai. Which kind life be this?

As at my JSS 1, I had graduated from reading Pacesetters novels to James Hadley Chase. I still remember how I used to hide James Hadley Chase novels inside my text books and read . Mum was so happy that this little rascal has started loving his books for once . I could feel her joy whenever she sees me 'reading'. Until one day I slept off with the book and mum came to help me keep my book away .

Two slaps woke me up. From my misty gaze I could see my James Hadley Chase novel in mums hands, she was livid with anger. The funny thing is that the novels often had half naked girls in front of it, so mum felt I was now into pornography.

Then I committed further sacrilege. I tried to explain that it wasn't a pornographic book. "then what sort of book is this?" another question with a slap.

"it's crime fiction ", I blurted out. "Ewoooooooo. Crime gini? So you are reading books on how to be a criminal ?"

Realizing what I had to done to myself, I headed for the door straight as thousands of slaps chased me.

Parenting five children all alone wasn't an easy task so today I cherish the discipline of mum as it whipped I and my siblings into line and never allowed anyone of us to fall by the way side.

Irrespective of the iron clad discipline, the love and compassion that flowed from her bosom was even more amazing. It was like two extremes of equal severity . 

As a University student my mother would cook from Portharcout and bring for me in school. She made sure I knew no lack. And whenever I ran into trouble, my confidence is always that mum will show up and I'd be home free. 

She denied herself so much for us to have good education, making sure no vacuums of lack were created. Even though mum wasn't so rich, she made us look like children of the rich. 

When she left us in 2004, I sincerely and honestly thought I was going to die. It was the peak of pain. Her exit was shocking and sudden, especially when it happened at a time I referred to as the early afternoon of her life. She was just 47. 

As the women continued to dance to the admiration of the congregation, I found myself clutching tightly at my wife's  palm. My wife has part filled that vacuum of love and discipline. A missed call from my wife on friday night is enough to let me know I have to get home in the next few minutes .

Freedom without control can become captivity, so I willingly subdue myself to some level of control from my 'commander in chief ' which is almost similar to parental control. 

Yes, you can be so free that the freedom becomes a bondage.

I think mothers are the greatest things that God created. A few months back, there was a serious electric spark in the compound where I live and everybody thought there will be a fire outbreak. I still wonder how my wife picked up three of her children, in pitch darkness and ran downstairs while I was still putting on my trousers.

These specie of people are incredible. They should be respected and honored.

Imagine my deep chagrin when I hear of people who turn their wives to punching bags at home . 

With all due honestly, those who beat their wives are extremely foolish. No, seriously if you beat the mother of your children, stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself 'I am very foolish '.

More foolish is the excuse most people give by claiming their wives provoked them. Now, that's the biggest lie from the pit of hades. 

Even Satan cringes at this great lie. The truth is that the only reason most men keep hitting their wives is because there are no immediate consequences.

If your wife had a cocked pistol in her hand, no matter how much she provokes you, your head will be correct. If your wife is a black belt Taekwando, much stronger than you, no matter how much she provokes you, you will never hit her.

The only reason you hit her is because she is physically weaker and this, ironically should have been why you should protect her.

How many times have you beaten up a Mopol man for provoking you on the road? The armed robbers who attacked you and gave you hot slaps, how many did you beat up? Why do people obey the check points more when they see soldiers? No matter how much in a hurry you are, as the man dey carry hand up, all the cars don hold break. 

That's the power of consequences .

So it's not about provocation my dear. Anytime you want your head to be correct, it will be correct .

In the Christian bible, the book of Malachi shows how much God values treating your woman with respect. In Malachi 2:13-16, God clearly said your offerings are pollutions to his alter if you don't treat your woman right.

So if you are treating her bad and giving offering in church, you might as well keep your money and stop annoying God with polluted offering .

Greatest respect to all mothers and potential mothers.

You girls rock !!!

Photo source: Pinterest. 

Dear Thelma (I Love Him But The Sex Sucks!)

Please post. Mr X and I started dating mid last year but we didn't start having sex until this January when we started planning our wedding. He's a very nice guy, fun, hardworking and comfortable. But the problem is that ever since we started having sex I don't like him as much as I used to. People say size is not everything, that is not about the size of the D but how you use it. But with my fiancΓ© there is no point, he doesn't use it well at all. He does not give me head, he does not do any forplay just to squeeze my boobs for a few minutes and then fiam he has entered me. I love to pleasure my man but he will not let me touch him, he won't let me give him head either, he won't let me explore his erogenous zones or even pleasure him in any way. For instance I know his neck and nipples are sensitive but he won't even let me touch him there, talk less of kissing him there. I find this very frustrating. I'm a very sexual person, I love to enjoy sex and also make my man enjoy sex. This guy is 0 over 10 in bed. Once I tried to touch myself before he entered me (mostLy because I was very dry) and he got angry and offended. He said why am I touching myself and he flung my hand away. I wanted to cry. Most guys would even enjoy watching you touch yourself. Also once in a while he manages to make me moan, when I moan he complains that I'm freaking him out, that when I moan he feels like he's hurting me and it makes him lose his erection! Please have you ever seen such a thing? Most men are even happy and more gingered when they make you moan or scream but my own is telling me to just stay mute.

I don't need oral sex to be happy but he doesn't try to do anything else, he feels that once he touches my breast for one minute that is enough. He doesn't even seem to know that a woman gets wet or should get wet. Most times he opens my legs and just thrusts and the only reason I don't get wounded is that he is small. I'm so sad honestly. People say sex is very important in marriage so I'm scared because I don't know what will happen. I love sex but I avoid having sex with him because it's usually extremely boring. The only good thing about him is that he has stamina. But when the sex is horrible that's a bad thing not a good thing. 

My friend says that I should call it off but I wonder if bad sex is enough reason to leave a good guy? I'm so sad and depressed these days because I get scared that I may cheat on him when we get married, and I have never cheated on any man before in my life, so you can imagine how bad it is. I don't want to talk to him about it because I feel his ego would be bruised and I honestly think it would do more harm than good. Please I need your advice, is bad sex really going to be detrimental to a marriage or can it be overlooked? I tell myself that what if I leave him and meet someone that is great in bed but a bad husband? But also I tell myself that I could meet someone who is great a bed, a good husband and financially comfortable. It's just that at 31 I don't think it's advisable to be taking such risks by waiting around in the hope that such man finds me. Lol. 

Advise please.  

Saturday, 25 March 2017


Hi Thelma, looking for someone thats passionate about food and can also do a bit of Computer/admin work so definitely computer literate. She'll be taking breakfast orders online as well as supervising the chef and the job is part-time from about 8am-noon/lunch time and pay is 50k. Please drop your email ad here if interested. Thanks. 

Posted as a comment but I'm posting here for more visibility. If you've got any vacancy or there's any that you're aware of, also please post in the comment section. Thanks!


BoDI: My Story; I Was Lied To.

For BoDI's previous post read HERE. To continue, read below. 

Nothing hurts more than being lied to. Personally I hate lying and I find it very difficult to lie like seriously. Before you yinmu, I am not saying I don’t lie sometimes but even when I do it doesn’t sit well with my mind at all! I just wanted to clear that first sha. Now back to the matter, like I said earlier, I don’t like lies. 

I am one who comes across as being very knowledgeable odifferent matters of life. Before getting married I read up on sex. Yes, it’s a very important part of marriage I have discovered not just because I heard people say so but now I know! I have not really being busy in that area and I didn’t want to disappoint my “oga”. Different styles and positions, lingerie,  keeping the man interested etc. for my mind, I was prepared to show my husband that he is in for the enjoyment of a lifetime! I was even contributing in conversations with the guys in my office sometimes on the matter “for my mind” I don jack and I am pumped and ready to go

One of the things I have learnt from life is that no matter how anxious we are about a certain event or gift or somebody, when it eventually happens it will give us that feeling like “is this why I have been anxious?”I am not saying it in a bad way but it’s just that God should help us to just do what the bible says “be anxious for nothing” cos eventually the emotions we thought we would have when it happens might just not be exactly as we imagined.

We got married!!! Yippee! I was happy nau did I say I wasn’t happy ni? Today na today! Where we live night time is really not the best time to make love…I will tell you the reason later. In the movies you see they take a nice shower bla bla bla and we did all that. My husband was more anxious than I was cos we agreed to wait till marriage before we “consummate” our love. My husband was really not being patient with the foreplay honestly cos I read it should take time before we can easily “penetrate’ and all that. As oga tried to enter like this…you know that sound you get when you make a call and the person doesn’t pick up? You know that kowole sound? That was what happened! E no enter and the pain that went through me….heeeeeeeeythat’s when I knew I had being lied to by the internet! 

I was a virgin. On the internet it said that with enough lubrication on the man and all that you feel like they say “a sharp pain’ and then you begin to enjoy…it was a lie! Here I was living it! Hubby was aware of my virginity and he had never taken anyone’s virginity so it was new to both of us. He spread my legs and tried again but I pushed him away! Kilode! “do you want to kill me?” wedding night day 1 didn’t go well. Like I said, making love at night where I live is not ideal as the bed here is annoying too… its spring bed! So you can imagine the sound of the bed during the “wrestling session” was heard by the neighbors! First night as a married couple, lights, camera BUT no action!

At this point I knew that the solution was not on the internet but on my phone…I had to start asking close people I could open up to. I spoke to a male and a female. All my education on sex was a fluke! My dear virgin sisters. The internet wont really tell you how to handle this matter. I will tell you what happened after hmmm…

To be continued-


Wednesday, 22 March 2017

MUST READ. Victor Ibeh: Marriages in Nigeria Are Sustained by Women.

Marriages in Nigeria and most parts of Africa are sustained by women. You can argue this with your village deity. Women in general, put up with a lot of bullshit just to make their marriages work. From childhood they have been taught that a wise woman keeps her home. In order to keep their homes, they end up enduring a lot of ill-treatment. 
Find any woman who has been with a man for donkey years and ask her if she would love to marry that same man over again in her next life. Majority would say no. This brings us to the point that most marriages are endurance marriages not happy marriages. Unfortunately, we are told that marital success is about duration. 
A successful marriage isn’t about duration but happiness. If two people spend five years together, happily and add immense value to each other; if they decide to break up without fighting about it, their marriage can be rated as successful. Spending eternity together in sorrow isn’t the idea of success to me. It is what you do in the marriage that counts not how long. 
Scan through the length and breadth of Nigeria and see the things women endure. This is not to say that women are innocent. Marriage in Nigeria is quite disadvantageous to the women folk. Except you are lucky to have a man who has a good head. Infidelity, entitlement mentality, domestic violence, third party interference, patriarchal orientation etc are some of the things women bear up. How many women are willing to walk out of their marriages when they are abused? They want to keep their homes and status. They want to raise their kids. They don’t want to be seen as failures. The moment a marriage fails, everybody points at the woman. This in itself is psychologically abusive. 
Everything wrong with the marriage, is the woman’s fault. Bad children are her fault. Failed business, failure to have kids, crappy sex, the man’s infidelity, the man’s arrogance towards his family members, his stinginess to people in general, his lack of spirituality, his night crawling attitude, his poor dressing, everything is her fault.
After all these years of matrimonial slavery, women are beginning to set their priorities right. It is becoming clear to them that the quality of the marriage is what matters. They have come to agree that being single and happy is more important than being married and frustrated. But men won’t let them be. The same men would abuse a woman for opting to stay single. Isn’t this insane? You are not ready to treat somebody right, yet you won’t let them be. You tell them how stupid it is for a woman to be single, but your mouth won’t utter a word to tell men that they should treat women better. These things are worrisome to me. 
The women who are standing out and demanding for their rights as humans are being tagged with all sorts of names. We say all manner of things to dampen their spirits. We are citing them as the reasons behind the failure of marriages. What we have failed to see is that marriages weren’t successful as we were told. It is just that the women were covering up our nakedness just to make everybody feel that their marriages were perfect. The burden of covering up our masculine insanity has increased and they can no longer handle it. Recently, they have chosen to unmask the matrimonial institution and show the world what they have been hiding for ages. We are scared that our little secrets are being revealed. We aren’t as powerful as people thought we are. We are just cowards hiding under patriarchal privileges. 
So the question is, how many men are willing to put up with a woman who would give them the same dose of madness they have been giving to women? Exchange the roles and let the men be at the receiving end. Men are walking out of their marriages for little things as who cooked food, she starved me of sex for a week, she slapped me, she was flirting with my boss, I met the house dirty. Very insignificant, compared to what women have been putting up with. 
I would like you to judge for yourself. Who are the people sustaining marriages? Apart from a few reasonable men, most men marry without a sense of marital purpose, which is why they destroy their marriages themselves and blame their wives. Now you can see that we can’t even put up with marital challenges, yet we are always quick to say that women who walked out of abusive marriages were not willing to make their marriages work. If you are such a man, I wish you a very bad woman, and I hope you stick with her and make the marriage work. 
I want a good woman. I cannot come and suffer for the sins of other men. Bad women should go and marry bad men. Let the good marry the good. I didn’t come this far to pay for the stupidity of other men. After abusing a woman I will now come to reap your madness from her. 
I wish myself and all the responsible men out there, good women that would value us.

I can't be more delighted that this was written by a man. 


Chude Jideonwo: How It Came to Be That Goodluck Jonathan is an Option is 2019

got a lot of panicked responses after my last piece; the panic focused on one small nugget of information buried within it: the fact that, as things stand today, former president Goodluck Jonathan is the strongest candidate that the People’s Democratic Party can present in 2019.

So I decided to run slight interference, and do a follow up. What I apparently have taken for granted – not just as a result of insight into Nigeria’s political space cleaned from years of first, activism, then consulting; but also as a result of any number of PESTLE analyses that I have been involved in over the past 10 months – was a surprise to many.

It stood out especially for some respondents because my assessment of Jonathan’s presidency has been consistently, unshakably – and remains to this moment – harsh: he was, in my opinion, an ineffectual leader; one whose feckless cost the country greatly in corruption and insecurity at the minimum.

But personal desires are one thing, and honest political calculation is another. If anything, the latter is needed if the former will be fulfilled in any meaningful, practical way.

So let’s take some time to talk about how people get elected in a country like ours.

Actually, no, that’s a matter for another day’s piece. What this actually will do is try to explain the three broad categories that lead people to emerge as candidates in the primaries of the major Nigerian political parties, at least the gubernatorial and presidential elections.

There are three basic requirements:
1. Name recall
2. Access to finance
3. Establishment consensus

Name recall
I call this the test of ‘If we should your name in the market place, will people know who it is’?

It’s amazing how many sophisticated, intelligent people searching for complicated answers to simple questions often overlook this crucial factor in the way candidates are selected.

And it’s not just about countries like ours with primitive electoral environments. The singular reason Donald Trump was a viable candidate for the American president elections without previously holding any political office, or belonging to any political structure, was simply because Americans knew his name.

And the reason Sarkozy, the former French president, returned as party leader and then made another run for the presidency last year, despite what was a les than glorious first term, both locally and internationally, is because he possesses an electoral asset that it is immensely difficult for new players to quickly gather: the voting public knows his name.

This is why America’s politics can seem like a dynasty: political operatives impatient with experiments routinely look for tried-and-tested surnames like Bush or Clinton or Obama (if Michelle runs, which – for everything we know about American politics – is a distinct possibility) is because everyone knows their name.

And that applies even more significantly in a largely illiterate country like ours, where citizens do not have access to the body of information that is usually necessary for making informed choices. They typically have to employ shorthand to make decisions i.e. Does this person lay claim to Awo’s legacy? Does this person have an Igbo mother? And usually the most important question can be this – Do we know who this person is?

This is the fundamental driver behind the massive, and unshakeable electoral margins that President Muhammadu Buhari continued to rack in the North of Nigeria. They knew his name, they ‘knew’ what that name stood for; they were familiar with it. It was easier for them to vote for it.

It is the same reason Odimegwu Ojukwu continued to rack up wins for the All Progressives Grand Alliance through election cycles, despite having no realistic chance of winning anything beyond a gubernatorial election – you could call his name in any part of the South-East, at any day at any time, in any market; and they knew exactly who you were talking about.

It is the reason the PDP confidently presented the now-quickly-forgotten Hilda Williams as gubernatorial candidate for Lagos after her husband died. We knew the name Williams. It was easy to connect with.

No strategist worth his salt plays with the power of name recall.

Access to finance
If you think this only applies to startups and businesses looking to expand, you haven’t been paying enough attention to the politics of your country, at least over the past 17 years.

Access to finance is distinct of course from personal wealth. You can, like Olusegun Obasanjo, emerge from prison dirt-poor and yet find the critical mass of people and institutions ready to pool the resources you need for you to win electoral contests.

But, whether it is you money or it is other people’s money, there is no chance in heaven or hell that you are able to win elections in any part of this country without significant financial resources.

Now, while naivety or self-deception can lead people into viewing this as essentially negative, there is nothing at all wrong – ab initio – in the idea that it takes money to win an election.

By the very nature of democracy, it is inevitable that it will be expensive. And this can be said without even referring to the $1.2 billion Hillary Clinton spent last year or the $1.12 billion Barack Obama spent in 2012.

You just need to be a reasonable person looking at the reasonable steps that any reasonable person would have to take in winning a typical election.

To be governor in Lagos state for instance, you need a few things in order to communicate your personality and your ideas to the 1,678,754 who voted in the last elections.

You need to print banners, and you need to print fliers. You need to print posters, and you need to print your manifesto. And in doing this, you are thinking about reaching the about 2 million people, or at least the 1milloon half of it that you will need to thumbprint for you in order for you to win the election. And that is just basic printing cost. Without talking about the ‘excitement tools’ e.g. t-shirts, face-caps, and other livery.

We have not factored in the planning and hosting of the events you will have to do, repeatedly, across the Local Government Areas where people will vote. A typical event has sound, canopies, decoration, food and drinks, and others. Multiply this by the number of local governments and by the number of the times you need to make the visit to consolidate gains.

On and on and on – campaign buses, campaign offices, campaign staff, road shows, and all of this minus the modern imperative for TV and radio adverts, as well as online exposures. This is without the personnel costs that attend to running any mid-size enterprise.

There is a reason politics is called the art of ‘selling’ yourself and your ideas.

So if there are people that think financial resources in elections only come down to buying party forms, bribing whoever they think is usually bribed and distributing rice to random voters, they are talking about incidental costs rather than actual cost of sale.

Without the financial resources, or the ability to get those who have those resources to part with said resources, you are a non-starter.

Establishment consensus
To be honest, I have sat in any number of establishment meetings; by this I mean, meetings by the ‘movers’ and ‘shakers’ of Nigerian politics, from across the two major parties and some of the fringes, and here is the truth of discovery – there is not a lot of sophistication that goes on in those spaces.

That is one of the shocking revelations I have had from seven years of engagement from multiple angles in this space.

Most of the decisions come from gut, and perception – perception mostly coloured by location, experiences, interests and relationships. In essence, many of these decisions are narrow and parochial. They are not well thought out, and don’t exist based on verifiable facts.

That, of course, is why our country is the way it is. Think about it: if the minds that have been manipulating our affairs for 50 years have been engaged in the art of sophistication and depth, is this the kind of country that would result from that process?

Unfortunately, whether these are the brightest or not, they are the ones who determine our political affairs, and they are the ones who largely make decisions as to candidates, candidacies and political reflexes.

Many times their decisions come down to – ‘it is the turn of this part of the country’, ‘this is the guy that won’t upset the apple cart’, ‘a woman cannot win in that part of the country’, or ‘we just don’t like that guy’. That’s the kind of thinking that leads to political decisions in this country.

I remember being shocked at the beginning of my professional life about 15 years ago years ago, to be seated (they ignored me because I was 17 and they knew I was harmless) in a discussion, from whence one of the ‘powers that be’ in a South-Western state simply decided he wanted a woman to run for one of the offices under his influence. And that’s she was elevated for life into a force to reckon with.

That’s the consensus that gave us Goodluck Jonathan as president, ultimately, in 2010. Those principalities in the PDP decided that Peter Odili could not be Vice President to Umaru Yar’Adua and Donald Duke could not be Vice President, and any number of people couldn’t be – not for reasons of capacity, competence or character, but simply because they were too ambitious. The least ambitious person was selected, and the least ambitious person, by default, became the president of this country for 5 years and ended it by losing large swaths of Nigerian territory to terrorists and 276 girls from Chibok.

So how will Jonathan again become a potential presidential candidate in 2019? Well, because these powers that be will come together and finalise a year before those elections that he is the best bet to unify that party, without alienating any of those groups.

They will conclude that having him as candidate will help complete the second term that the South-South is ‘entitled’ to and he will have the experience to run the office and run the country simply by the fact of having been there before.

They will look around and they will most likely find nobody else who can fill that position. Nobody else whose name you can shout on the main-road of Onitsha market and random people will know his or her name. Nobody who is so ‘formidable’ that he or she will immediately attract cross-regional resources to wage an electoral war, and nobody else whom the powers that can be can establish an unsophisticated consensus around.

The calculation will fall on: Who can face Buhari in 2019 and neutralize his huge advantages in the North?

And that is how; if Buhari decides to run for president again in 2019, the old fault lines will re-emerge, and we will probably end up with Buhari versus Jonathan again for the presidency of the federal republic of Nigeria.

When that happens, we will have no choice but to play the hand that we are dealt.

Unless something gives now. Unless someone else builds the momentum to cross at least two of these three imperatives. Unless someone else has the kind of Donald Trump, Bernie Sanders, Marine Le Pen (yes), Olusegun Mimiko, Peter Obi-guts to stare the dragon in the face, and to decide that this thing is not further mathematics, and this kind of history can, should, and must be made.

There is no such person on the scene as we speak.

And, as you and I know, two years before the next general elections as we are today, time is already running out.




Blog Archive