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Wednesday, 8 March 2017

Boys Get Molested Too.

Yesterday I was talking to a friend who told me how he lost his virginity to his Aunty who had started playing with his penis when he was 8. He said she gave him his first blowjob and ejaculation a few years later. When he was 8 this aunty was about 21. He said this amidst boisterous laughter. Until I told him I'm sorry he was molested. He seemed not to understand. 

Truth is, 3 out of 5 males you know was molested as a child, most lost their virginity to either that house girl, that aunty, that cousin, that pastor, or that neighbour. 

Why doesn't anyone talk about molestation in male children? Or am I wrong, is it not as rampant as I think it is?

Why doesn't molestation in male children get as much "airplay" as much there is when it happens to the girl child?


  1. *Sigh....



  2. This world is seriously fucked up..

  3. It's sad.A while ago a blogger here in Kenya took a poll he asked his male friends, colleagues and acquaintances about their first sexual experience. Turns out for majority of them it was with the house help when they were still small boys. Now these men actually don't think of it as molestation for them it was a normal thing.
    In some families where there's more than one boy child the house help did it to all of them.
    I think for the boy child they have been told they need to be strong, they need to stand up for themselves, they need to be men etc so at times they don't even get to be children they man up from an early age. They can't cry,they can't show emotions so when such things happen they bottle it up and take it all quietly like a strong man would because talking about it shows weakness. I think we should allow and teach our boys that it's ok to be sensitive, allow them be boys first then they will become men later. Also we shouldn't mock men or boys who speak out they are victims too.

  4. Uwa nmebii.... no wonder my aunt doesn't trust anyone around her kids including we the family... LOL,funny but through.. maybelline

  5. Nigeria is especially ripe with pedophiles largely because people are trying to push things under the rug to hide shame. Talk to many people and I dare say easily 50 to 60% of children are touched inappropriately by someone close to them or their parents.

    Teaching our children what is acceptable is the first step, the second is not letting them trust blindly (everybody is not their auntie or uncle), thirdly adults need to know it is inappropriate to touch children. Fourth prosecute, persecute and prosectue as severly as possible.

  6. Lately, I have had to come to terms with the sad truth that based on the frequency of occurrence, molestation is/has been more the norm than the exception. And this cuts across gender, tribe, country, and race. Sadly also, this is not a recent development. It cuts across generations. If you listen and dig deep enough to the older ones’ conversations, there would always be a story of that elder that raped a 4yr old, that girl in the village who was impregnated by her uncle, etc. But everything is swept under the rug, so the child can move on with their life.
    While we can pray and hope for the best, parents need to take some steps that can at least put the child in a safer environment. For instance, as much as possible, do not leave your young daughters/sons alone with anyone under any pretext. I remember when I was young, we had a rule that I wasn’t allowed to open the door to anyone when I was home alone. And then I had this lesson teacher that was coming over the holidays. He once fixed the next lesson for the next day, and I just told him “No, my mother will not be around”... He tried to act clueless and went “Ehen, but you will be around abi?”... I said Yes. So I let him suit himself. He turned up, and I let him knock till he was tired, then he went away. I remember another occasion we had an older male cousin visiting. He’d stayed with us for a few days, and on one evening, everyone in the house had a place to be except he and I. My mum made sure she switched all the plans around cos she said there was no way two of us would remain in the house together, even though we are first cousins. Little things like that go a long way to preventing stories that touch.
    Also, when there are multiple kids, try as much as possible to make them stick together. When they move around like a bunch, people are less likely to prey on them. I was once coming back from church with my brother, I must have been about 11. My neighbour, who must have been about 23 (and who I never really spoke to, and who had a habit of regularly bringing in several prostitutes) suddenly sees me, and starts dragging my hand in broad daylight to follow him to his house. My startled brother was dragging me on the other end, refusing to budge. And then eventually, the neighbour lets go. I shudder at what would have happened if my brother was not with me that day. Now in hindsight, I think of many other situation I was exposed to as a child, and I realise that where my parents were not around, there was usually one or more siblings somewhere in the background. I remember when we were very young, someone called my mum to take one or two of us over to spend some days or so at their house. My mum told them “No, if you are taking one, you are taking all. Wherever they go, they are going all together.” And that’s how it was with us. There is strength in numbers.
    Sleepovers is another one to beware of. They are fun, and a great way to bond with friends/cousins, but are the perfect breeding ground for molestation and sexual perversion. Parents should be wise.
    Boarding school is another one. I don’t think I need to elaborate on that.
    But I’m not encouraging parents to overdo anything to the point of paranoia. I know it’s not always possible to cover all grounds, and we certainly don’t want to overprotect the child to the point where they lack an identity on their own. But a few steps here and there just help.

    1. Well written Ada-Ugo. I guess you have usurped the title of 'epistle writer' from me - an award I'm glad to pass on. Chrisyinks

    2. Very apt and up couldn't have said it better.

      For every sexual abuse case I have coke across or handled in my line of work 4 out of 5 adolescent girls were moleseted by a known person. Either an Uncle, teacher, brother, stepfather, neighbor, etc.

      3 out of 5 tried to report but no one took the seriously.
      Sadly all the cases were settled out of police / court involvement.

      Offenders were made to pay for hospital bills and damages. Police men are either bribed or swayed
      It's terribly sad cos these girls are still traumatized.

  7. I grew up thinking my Dad was mean and hated everybody around, little did I know he was protecting us from a wicked world, no relative sleeps in our house, no communal living, we had our own house in the village so no mixing up with cousins, no friendship with neighbours and we were taught sex education early enough and to report anyone that tries to be funny. I remember my first secondary school as a day student, my class teacher called me during break and squeezed my bum and smiled saying I should make sure I keep some snack for him so we eat together the next day. I went home and told my Dad I hated the school, he didn't ask me any other question and that was the last day I went to that school.


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