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"Tell Me How Much You Want This!" and other things that could killher "She-rection".





I couldn't read this alone, and you know, me I like this kind of gist. LOL. So read with me. 


Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking dirty talking. In fact, I believe a healthy dose can serve as that extra spark to keep the fire burning. But, there are just a few things that are guaranteed to kill my lady boner long before we even get to the good stuff. Let’s take the “who’s your daddy?” question, for instance. Seriously. Okay, sweetheart, I know exactly who my daddy is and  he is absolutely the last person I want to think about when I am sprawled naked underneath you. I honestly do not get this one. Is it supposed to be a turn on if I imagine you are my father? Or is it just one of those things guys seem to learn from adult movies and think, ‘yup, that’s a good one. Imma be her ‘daddy’ next time we get freaky.’

And then there’s “you want this? Tell me how much you want this. Say it. Say it louder.” Once again. Naked. Underneath you. It’s not because I am expecting you to offer me ice cream. (Although, Ice cream while getting the business? Can’t say that’s a bad idea). It is safe to assume that I do want it.
Still on the subject of irrelevant questions, I was once with a guy, let’s call him TJ, who seemed to be very obsessed with how things were ‘coming,’ so to speak. He would constantly want to know if I am coming, when I will come and if I had come. It got so bad that I would just want to yell at him, “give me a minute to focus, maybe my orgasm wouldn’t be so elusive.’ Needless to say, I never did manage to ‘arrive’ when I was with him.
Then there are the ones that don’t even need you to say a thing. They are simply happy doing all the talking themselves. “I am the best!” “I am the biggest.” “You’ve never had anyone better.” “I am the king.” “I am the messiah.” (Okay, maybe I exaggerated that last part, but the other ones are true. I swear).
Here is a simple rule of thumb, unless she specifically requests that you use degrading words on her, please, steer clear of describing her like you will the girls you pick by the roadside and pay by the hour for. While I never personally experienced the ‘you are my wh@#$; You are a nasty little sl$%, aren’t you; Yeah, ride that D like the c*&* I know you are” guys, I have had a number of girls tell of how very uncomfortable this is. In fact, a few of them have even had to get up, dressed and leave because of how affronted they felt.
No, this is not particular to guys alone, so I am not man-bashing here. In fact, while writing this piece, I spoke to a few guys who were happy to share. Oh boy, did I get an earful?
There is one chick who literally spilled out Yoruba incantations while doing the deed; another who screamed very loudly that she is dying and that someone is killing her (wonder if her neighbours ever come knocking). Oh, and then my friend, Ben, tells me of a chick that just loves to say, over and over again, “In the name of Jesus.” Not exactly sure where that comes from but I am absolutely certain that Ben takes it as a compliment on his prowess.
Okay, I am fully aware of the fact that just because it does not work for me does not mean it doesn’t get others all hot and bothered. But my point is, it pays to know your audience. Instead of simply plagiarising whatever it was you learned, wherever you learned it, you should tailor it specifically to your partner. And if your words are not met with the right amount of enthusiasm, this is your cue to stop and maybe try something else.
And as for those of you that seem to have no boundaries in that department -yes, I’m talking to you, you naughty little minx you- whatever floats your boat. What the heck do I know?
I would love to hear from you. What crazy things have you heard? Which ones worked for you? Let’s get talking.
***
Written by Sandra Dairo for Bella Naija




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Comments

  1. Hahahahaha! This is funny.

    I like to hear soundtrack during straffs, but when a chic goes over board it scares me. I like the normal name calling! Imagine a chic screaming "Kon! Kon! Kon!" Hahahahaha!

    Anyways - One time back in the days a chic grabbed me tight and said with a demonic voice "ride me like a horse". I swear the fear that grabbed me ehhh....I got turned off immediately. Whew! Its not me devil will kee.

    What does Kon say during sex? *Censored*

    Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      I like *though I have never said it. To hear his review while do it. Eg.you're so tight, I like/love this! and moan. He shouldn't go over board, eg. This p*$$# is too sweet o I want to die here o. I'll just end it because I won't believe it.

      Delete
    2. LOL@ ride me like a horse.. but wait Ohhh kon,thought u like stuffs like that? Why on earth did fear grip you now? Hahhahahahahahahhahaa can't stop laughing though. maybel

      Delete
    3. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Delete
    4. If the voice scared you that's okay, if the request scared you it leaves some doubt as to your prowess. You should have screamed 'giddyup'and jumped on that bootay! I'm an animal rights advocate so I'd rather save a horse and ride a cowboy.
      A Girl

      Delete
  2. my comment is unrelated to this post.
    I went visiting a friend (admirer) yesterday( this is something i rarely do, i don't visit the opposite sex).

    He started making sexual advances which i wasn't so comfortable with, he stopped with great difficulty when it was obvious i wasnt interested (i was almost crying).

    he made it clear he was sexually attracted to me and all that and apologised profusely for his actions.

    I feel kind of violated and i feel he sees me as a sex object, why will he do that on a first visit. I only went because i saw him as a level headed fellow and a very disciplined man.

    he says i am not a sex object to him, as he is mainly attracted to my intelligence, but i am still seeking closure to the whole incident.

    Am i over reacting, isnt it possible for a guy to just love me without wanting to touch and caress my body.

    he said he wasn't interested in sex yesterday, he just wanted to caress and feel me (whatever that means).

    my emotions are all over the place currently, as i don't even know how i should relate with him again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A guy is a guy is a guy. A guy will always try to see if luck is on his side. He tried, your turned him down. Its no big deal. Yall can still be cool.

      And I gotta say - Dont judge a man by his horny moment. He might have acted irrational because his D was in control. Forget bout it and give a second try. Lets see if he has learnt the lesson.

      Peace

      Delete
    2. Well said Kon....especially per the second paragraph. I'd advice you tread softly with him and explore if your friendship/relationship with him can evolve to be more than or without sex. Chrisyinks

      Delete
    3. I'm sorry you feel that way. But really, no matter how disciplined, smart and level-headed a guy is, he is still a guy and has sexual urges. I don’t think he is a bad guy for wanting to have sex with you. Put in that situation, there are few warm-blooded guys who would have come up with other creative ways of passing the time spent together. If you just feel like having intellectual conversations, maybe try to catch up with him in a more neutral place.

      Delete
    4. Be very careful, don't visit for now, you don't really know his true intentions. If you felt violated by it that means he really overstepped plus it was your first visit. Tread very carefully.
      A Girl

      Delete
    5. I feel the need to add to my comment in line with what Anon 7:53pm said. I was quite concerned that you said he almost made you cry. Made you cry why? That part was unclear. Was he forcing himself on you? If that was the case, that was a borderline rape scenario, and needs to be taken very seriously. And you have every right to feel violated. His forcing himself on you is NEVER okay whether you were both stuck alone in his house, or even if you were the only two people left on a desert. To clarify with my initial comment, his making sexual advances is normal; however, if he takes that up a notch to proceed without your consent, that becomes a rape/almost rape situation.

      Delete
  3. Lmho @ "give me a minute to focus, maybe my orgasm wouldn’t be so elusive".

    So people still say "who's your daddy" during exercises? Who even invented that crap?

    Name calling is bae. It's more than obvious you're clicking the right buttons, lol. But the screaming/shouting...too scary.

    "...But my point is, it pays to know your audience...". That's a difficult one, seeing as the only way of knowing your audience is when you're in the heat of the action.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The name has to be sexy in the first place for that name calling to happen. No babe is going to be shouting Abraham! Abraham! Abraham! or those Badagry names like Miyonse! Midower etc. Maybe Im wrong.

      I know a guy that his babe would scream "..you better fuck me well or else Im going to fuck your friend tomorrow"

      I used to wonder if thats motivation or de-motivation.

      Peace.

      Delete
    2. Hahahahahahahahhhahhhaaahahh! Lawa O guys!

      Delete
    3. lol @ Kon. Chrisyinks

      Delete
    4. Kon, you did a good job cracking me up this night.

      Delete
    5. Hahhhahahahaahhahahaahhaha kon Ohhh u will not kill someborry,that babe though,her morale no be here ohh. LOL. maybel

      Delete
  4. I thought I was the only one who hates the tell me when you coming,come for me baby,are you coming and all them bull Shit thingy.. Haba,it can be disgusting and biko don't ask me whose your daddy cos of course I know who my daddy is abeg. Now to the craziest thing I have ever heard,it might not really sound crazy but let me share anyways.....It's " babe am coming,choke me up ,Plss choke me up.. chisos,I literarily died... Emmmmm but that was in a movie shaaa . LOL .Maybel

    ReplyDelete
  5. Pump it, pump it for me baby... ur the sweetest! #allnawash#

    ReplyDelete
  6. I let out a giggle when I read the part where the girl shouts "in the name of Jesus"... I hope that sex is legal! If not can she leave our Lord and Saviour out of it Biko! πŸ˜‚ Kilo sele?!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Delete
    2. My love there is nothing we will not see ohh ,can u imagine I once read on joros page about a girl who complained that her boyfriend likes to listen to Christian songs while getting down with her and in the process he will be saying,hallelujah,hossana and all sorts. jesu ku isuru shaaa. maybel

      Delete
  7. Me..... I just say "fuck me"

    ReplyDelete
  8. I had a very hard night at work and this post, especially the comments cracked me up big time! Thanks guys.. Kon! you're very very crazy, no doubt!

    ReplyDelete

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