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She Must Have Done Something To Deserve This.

"In this day my darling husband saw his wife and mother of his child bleeding on the floor but was still hugging and puffing. Swearing on his mothers life that that was going to be my last day on earth. Swearing that he would "enter Instablog" as the next man who killed his wife. I can't help but imagine 2 conductors on the streetfighting, 2 strangers. When one starts to bleed the other would think "ha make I calm down oh" talkleas of beating your defenseless wife who did Nothing to you (or please ask him, what I did, I would love to be able to make sense of this, love to know my offense). He showed no mercy,still said to me that I was going to drown in my blood. He locked all doors, even balconies invade I wanted to jump out! The man I loved striped to his underwear in front of my friend and the abuse went on for hours, he had 2 of his own friends in the house and even they weren't enough to stop him, he was exchanging blows with them, just to get to me. It was as though he had 5 men inside him,determined to kill me. I excaped only by the grace of God. My friend and I were running on the street with blood on me like this and people wondering what happened to us. And this was just one day. I can write a book on the living hell I lived. 


I was just about to share a story on domestic violence when I saw this one at the top of my instagram feed. DV has become the order of the day, makes no sense right? One would have thought that since it's now largely talked about on social media, the perpetrators would have a rethink. Instead, the perps seem to be getting bolder and even more cruel. In the post I'd wanted to share, the lady is dead. As in, deceased. One day hubby smashed her head on the wall for trying to defend herself from his blows, and that was it. Dead. 

But you see, social media has truly revealed that a lot of men are evil. I find that most men actually think DV is okay. I read comments that men, men with names and faces and families, make and I'm shocked. I've noticed that in cases of domestic violence, no matter how brutal, they rarely ever condemn the act. Most times, like in the post above with a bleeding, bruised and beaten woman, they say the lady must have done something to push her husband to that point. Other times they say women should stop painting men black on social media and deal with their shit at home. A large majority of them stay quiet, which looks to me like acceptance. 

I was shocked the day I put up something on DV on Instagram and someone, a husband and father, whom I've always known and admired commented saying women should stop blowing this DV thing out of proportion, that besides, these abused women should come clean and confess what they do to make their husbands beat them to that point. 

At this point all I can say is, mothers we need to do better. We need to raise better men than our mothers and grandmothers did. There is something seriously fundamentally wrong with many Nigerian men and I think upbringing plays a huge part in this. 

Is there really anything a wife could do to her husband to deserve the picture above? If his friend, colleague or boss had provoked him, do you think he would have dared do this to them? Then why is it when it comes to their wives that some WEAK men have power? 



  1. The recent one happened on Friday night. My phone was seized and I was sent into the street at 12midnight. I wanted to reach out to you but this held me back " I still feel awkward being made privy to the intimate details and dirty laundry in people's marriages,"

    My mother in law blamed me, saying I know about his temper. I asked her if he would beat his bosses based on that.

    You don't want to see my pictures. You won't believe it.

    1. I'm so sorry 😔 but please why are you still with him?

    2. Jesus! I was referring particularly to celebrities whose marriages I would never have known about had they not put it out there on social media. Remember in the same post I also said " I'm glad Tonto finally found the strength to leave while she's still alive. I'm happy she's speaking up about what happened. We need to name and shame these men that think it's okay to dehumanize the women they married". This means that it's okay to ask for help. Please it's not too late to reach out to me, for whatever its worth. If you simply want to talk, that's fine. If you need help, I'm sure we can do something about it. Please be safe.

    3. Do you need help? What kind of help do you need? Don't get yourself killed holding on to a dead marriage.

    4. Please don't wait till you die. There is no trophy attached to being a Mrs. I beg you , even if you don't want to be divorced. pls be separated for a whIle, perhaps a short while.

      I don't know how people live through this excessive beating. My husband slapped me once , just once and I still can't get it out of my system.

      I know what I made him pass through before I could even accept his apology .
      No I didn't do anything wrong , I simply expressed my opinion on a bad habit he had, I wasn't rude , just pissed.

      I forgave but I can't forget, and he knows the next time he ever tries that again, not only will I leave , he will get wooped by people I pay.
      Sadly , even though he calls it a mistake he will forever regret, I now live my life prepared for anything.
      anything means, I am financially able to walk out if ever a hand is raised.

      I love the man o, he is a good guy , a great father but love Is not enough.

      Please don't die in a marriage that offers you only misery .
      If money is the issue , start planning asap .
      Children don't thrive in such homes . Don't damage your kids please.

      one love and God bless.

    5. Please speak out, talk to someone. Take your kids and go stay somewhere else for a while. A man who can push you into the streets at 12 midnight without a lifeline to get help from anybody will kill you one day (voluntarily or involuntarily). Please, I beg you in God's name, talk to someone about it and leave..

  2. Nobody deserves to be violated.
    I've questioned, wondered, probed and have come to the conclusion that maybe I'm too young to make out why it's too hard for the physically abused to desert the perpetrator. I may never understand the measure of love or nature of reason that makes them remain in the marriage/rship or not even prosecute after leaving.

  3. please be safe

    please get help

    please leave him while you can still get out alive(there i said it)


  4. We women need to train the next generation of men to be better and also hold our sons, brothers,uncles accountable for their actions. A lot of guys feel women are here to serve them and we are not helping matters by indulging them.We must train our daughters also to value themselves and look at guys as equals not messiah. All these stories break my heart.Only a coward will beat a woman, I don't even think it's about self control cos this guy will not fight an Agbero in Oshodi cos he knows he will get the beating of his life. J

  5. i tell people that mental and emotional abuse comes first before the violence. That's why the abused finds it difficult to move on or get out. May we not be victims cos we can only analyse from our vantage point. However, when the first person strikes, I believe necessary retaliation is in place then you iron out issues afterwards if it can be resolved. Don't take the slap and walk away, respond with a slap or a well calculated brushing.

  6. Domestic violence is something I don't wish on anyone to experience or witness. I have witnessed it's ugliness and boy I can tell you it's one of the most heartbreaking things you will ever see.
    There's a clarion call nationwide for all the men to be better husband's/partners/lovers.
    Women it's high time we stopped hiding behind the facade of what the society may paint you to be. there's no shame in this, step out and let your voice be heard.It's better to be a survivor than to be the next figure increasing the death rate. Do it for you, for your kids and God. He created you for a greater purpose.
    I'm ashamed to call the perpetrators of DV Men, they do not deserve the freedom they get.
    That being said, our lawmakers should start pushing for appropriate sanctions for perpetrators of DV.

  7. No guy has ever raised a hand on me. My ex once said in a joking manner that he'd beat me up to correct me. I asked him who beats him up to correct him when his wrong. I told him if he dares, not only would the relationship end but I'll file a report against him with the police. He told me the police will not take me seriously because it is deemed a family matter. I then told that the day he slaps me, he'll find out for sure because I know people and he won't go free. That ended the matter.


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Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!


A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…


I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

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Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 

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Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.