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Zee: Letter To My Exs' Baes...

Writing to “Nna's New Bae” the other day inspired me to write to others. I’m glad I got to say this, even if they most likely won’t read his, it was liberating for me to just voice them out. So here it goes, this is words from ME TO THE EXS’ BAES AND AN EX BAE.

Dear C,
You are an ass of epic proportions!!! I hope you are enjoying being abused daily by the one you left me for. It’s amazing how no one ever calls guys like you, that unapologetically leave women who have loved you and stood by you heartbroken, as you waltz off and marry someone else for money and family name, out for being what you are: Gold-digging Men-Whores!

Anyways, I heard you’re having the time of your life. What life is left of her eroding it, that is. You certainly looked ‘wonderful’ the last time I saw you. Call it schadenfreude or what you will, but since the day I came back to a house I spent my time decorating as part of making plans of building a home with you locked, my stuff packed outside and you, gone off to marry her, I never felt better than I did seeing you at the train station and watching her berate you as she did, fingers in your face, with no care that you were in public. I had heard the rumors, but seeing her disrespect you like that, something I would never have done to you, and watching you stand there in a daze after she actually left you and got on a train was…wow! The look on you face at that moment you saw me was epic. Thank God I looked like a million pounds!

You are the only one I’m writing to directly and it’s deliberate. I heard you’ve been asking about me recently, after almost a decade. Please stop. I am alive, I am well as you saw, and I have no desire nor intention of hearing whatever it is you have to say. Consider this my response
Your #pepperthemgang chairlady ex,
Petty Betty Me. 


Dear Silver's Bae,
He may be broken and I had a hand in breaking him. He came to me cracked, and I had no idea how to handle the man he was. 
I heard you are a beautiful soul. I hope the beauty he is survived and exists in the man with you. If it did, I know you would see, appreciate and love the beauty as I didn’t.


Dear V’s Bae,
If you are a girl, you are his beard. It’s that simple. He is very conscious of what people around him think. Given what I just said, your existence means he’s back in an environment where he feels obligated to crawl back into the closet I know he came out of. The nookie when/if it happens, would be technically ok, but his heart would be in the wrong place, probably with whoever he parades as his bestie at any time. I said 'if” ‘cos if you are the type to ‘not test drive the car before purchase’, he is the perfect bae that does not pester you for sex, and in your dreams, you’d have found the one that is ready to wait for you to be ready. Me, I be NASCAR driver so E no werk for me. He will generally treat you like gold, however there will be moments when his resentment for what you represent will bubble to the surface. If, you are aware of his situation (I heard babes now enter arrangement with guys so…), chances are none of this would be the case sha as you know what’s on ground. However, if any of this is news to you, then inokwa One Chance! He would be gone as soon as whatever project he’s on is done, and his bestie would be gone too. You are better off with him as a friend and I found he is a good friend to have in difficult times, but only if he is himself and not trying to be your perfect bae. He can be the perfect bae, but not to you (there’s a reason why his ‘besties’ would willingly pack up and follow him to wherever he met you). Think of it.

If you are a guy, congratulations! You have someone who, despite the way our friendship started,I consider a good friend, even though we are far apart. I know a number of others who feel the same way about him, and we would not hesitate to beat your fine ass up (I know you are fine cos his ashawo ass is a sucker for pecs, abs and a fine face like that) if you screw up and hurt him.


Dear Dark Chocolate’s new Bae,
There is a reason he is dark chocolate, and it isn’t solely ‘cos all 6.3” of him looks like one. He is the right amount of sweet and bitter, he’s good for your health and he’s an acquired taste.Hopefully, for both your sakes, you have realized all this already. 

He is sometimes bitter: He forgets birthdays. He isn’t emotional, he would almost never tell you how he feels about you, and sometimes gets downright uncomfortable if/when you express how you feel about him. He gets moody sometimes, especially about work, and he retreats into himself and shuts you out. He is sometimes stubborn enough to make a ram look like a professor of diplomatic relations and he hogs the covers in winter (seriously, stock a new duvet for that).

However, he is sweet too: He is generous with his time, attention, possessions and resources. He will drive for 4 hours to come and pick you up at the airport at 5am in winter. He would give you a foot and back rub without being told ‘cos he would actually notice you need it. He would cook for you (he’s a wizard with chicken), just because, as long as it’s not egusi soup. That, he hopes you can make. He would call and have food delivered to you, across town, because you have a migraine or are ill, so you won’t have to stress. He would rock your world between the sheets (and on the stairs, in the shower, the kitchen island and anywhere else you can think of) andcuddle with you. He’s not into PDA, but he would hold your hand in public and give you a kiss now and then if he really likes you. He would make you laugh with that cutting wit of his, and you can hold a conversation with him about almost anything, and it would be one of the most insightful you’ve ever had. Best of all, he would always give you great advice, seek yours and actually listen and use them. He would inspire you to dream bigger, and push you to aim higher than you ever used to. You will see the pride he takes in your successes and he would be there to hold you if you fail and encourage you to try again till you succeed.

In case you haven’t realized it yet, I think he’s pretty awesome. I also know as long as you are good to him, he would put you first. He wouldn’t step out on you. Long distance created a chance for him to be with you and so far, he seems content. I will respect that. Kindly keep him happy, ‘cos if you don’t, I would not think twice. I would be back so fast, it would seem like superpowers, and this time, I won’t be leaving.


Ije love *sigh* 😌.

And LOL @ "Kindly keep him happy, ‘cos if you don’t, I would not think twice. I would be back so fast, it would seem like superpowers, and this time, I won’t be leaving". Who else can relate? 😉



  1. Em,I did not understand Silver's Bae and as for V's bae,biko is the person a swinger? #NotaHomophobe(swingerphobe)..

    1. Silver was a good guy who just left a horrible relationship as I just had. V came out of the closet a few years after we dated but still feels compelled to pretend to be straight in certain environments

  2. Awesome article. I’m most definitely interest in this one. I am in reality happy with article quality and direction. This post is spot on in informative how some ideology applies to any script location. Thanks a lot for preservation huge stuff. I am extremely a good deal grateful used intended for this place. Thanks a lot for protection massive things. Visit here:

    1. Wow, whatsup with the sentence construction. I'm truly lost oh,

      Ok, Ziggy, I like mehN.

  3. I wish nobody silver's bae kind of man. They can be very exhausting/dependent till they get in track and when they do...argggggh! You are already broken.

    However I can relate with Dark chocolate kinda Ex, just that I am not sure I would go back. Is it pride? or lack of regurgitating ability or do I say I see myself in a better place.

  4. Thelma... that last one!!!! The dark chocolate bae. 😩😩😩What does this mean??!!! What happened 😩😩😩 Thelma!!! 😩😩😩

    1. U haven't realized that wasn't Thelma's write-up.

  5. @Kabouy I was gonna say the same but Ziggy just said he came out of the closet. If true that strikes him out.



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