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Wednesday, 12 April 2017

The Headmasters & Munchers... 5 Kinds of Guys & How They Go Down.

I have never met a man who would admit to being a bad head-giver. They would swear up and down that women who came across them will be left with shaking limbs and incoherent thoughts. Considering the fact a very high percentage of women I have talked to, have said they have never received a mind-blowing head, something is definitely off somewhere. I have spoken to a number of women on the kinds of heady attention they have experienced and why they will (or will not) accept future offers.
The experiences can be best categorised into five main kinds of guys.
The Munchers
Picture digging into a juicy piece of Shaki. The vigorous biting and sucking and gnawing all so that you can enjoy not only chewing into the goodness but also making sure you syphon all the juice from it. Now, imagine you are that piece of Shaki being attacked by a ravenous lion. Does that make you shudder a little?
These kinds of guys take ‘eating’ literally. They would leave you burning up and not in a good way.
The Thrusters
Somehow, some people got the idea that the tongue is supposed to simulate the ding dong, hence the quick in and out motions. This just feels unnatural and mostly uncomfortable. Having something so soft dart in and out of you is not a pleasant feeling. Plus, it’s absolutely useless and does nothing for anyone.
The Lost Boys
Ah, the lost boys. They have good intentions. They really put in the work and try very hard. It is very unlikely that these kinds are ever told how bad they are because you do tend to feel for them. They are passionate and enthusiastic. But they lack one important thing – actual skill. It’s like they do not know where they are going. Even though they get there, they will drift off again. Sure, you might try to guide them but it’s very unsexy when the bedroom turns into a lecture room. So, mostly, you just let it go – make the oohs and aahs and maybe fake it two minutes in. Then give them a nice pat on the head for all their hard work.
The Gold Diggers
With these kinds, you get the impression that they are down there digging for gold. The attempt to bury their mouth, fingers, nose and sometimes even head so deep inside that you wonder if they are trying to return to where they came from. They are passionate, yes, but unlike the lost boys, they are not gentle. They are hungry and will keep digging deep until they find… what? I’m not so sure.
The Headmasters
Now, these ones we love. Their skill, timing, dedication and enthusiasm will leave you with arched backs and toes so curled they will take days to return to normal. They are never in a hurry. They will make sure they get you there and they will have fun doing it. They know what to do and where to do 
it. They will make you forget who you are and follow them anywhere. They will make you beg, order, threaten, and maybe even cry tears of extreme pleasure. You will be tempted to give them all you have when they are done and very likely, you will never let them go.
But they are rare, so rare. Only a handful of ladies I know has met this kind. They are like diamonds.
And just like diamonds, they come in the oddest of packages. They are hardly ever the good-on-paper guys. They are not usually the six-figure earning, tall-dark-handsome, confident blokes. In my experience, they are usually in the places you never look.
So, if you have never met these guys, you might try widening your search pool. Who knows what you might catch (I’m not talking STIs)?
Share your thoughts. Have you met one or more of these guys? What was your reaction?

Written by Sandra Dairo for Bella Naija
Hmmmm... I'd have added a few others but let me first go and come back. In the meantime, Share your thoughts. Have you met one or more of these guys? What was your reaction?



  1. Hi Lady T, been a while i have been here!

    Restricted to only the ladies, i guess? you should do a post on 'lollypop licking'too!

  2. Ohh its like that?

    Should the men write about the types of blow jobs we get? Dont even get us started.


    1. Pls start o @ kon.. this blog has been too quiet!

    2. Yes please! All na feedback *sticks tongue out at ya*

  3. I know these headmasters you speak of, they are not mythical creatures, an endangered species yes but they still live. I pray they make a comeback like the JEDI,the world needs them.
    A Girl

    1. Abi o! We should start a movement, #headmastersrulethebox or #bringbackourheadmen LOL! And T u are right, these wonderful mythical fellows are almost never the ones you expect to possess such 'superpowers'. Heck I knew a not so attractive fellow who's relationship that might have never been kicked off n stayed on right after he munched the box. Turns out he had something most of the other guys before him didn't: he was Harvard/Yale combined PhD, Master Yoda Headmaster!

  4. Lmao @Kon.

    Please come and start biko. Let's hope le hubz knows how to do it. if not.....oh well.



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