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Dear Empress Njamah, Don't Be That Female That Sets Women Back By 50 Years.

I just watched a clip of Empress Njamah saying that its not always a man's fault when there's domestic violence in a relationship. According to her sometimes women are headstrong and torture and torment their men mentally to the point where they push the man to hit them. So... women should help the men control their anger. 

If this is true then I have a few questions for Empress and all other ignorant proponents of this line of thought, especially the men. 

-If your wife is a body builder like this woman above, will you dare raise your hands on her? 

-When you cause your wife emotional torture, turmoil and neglect, does she slap and punch you? No, instead most Nigerian wives enter War Room mode and become prayer warriors. So why use your fist?

-If her mouth is too sharp, don't you too have a mouth? 

-If your mother or sister had "sharp mouth" (since sharp mouth is you people's justification), would you thrash them the way you do your wife? 

-Many of you have little girlfriends outside that openly disrespect you and sometimes talk to you like they're talking to their maids. Why don't you beat them? Why do you instead cower and beg them and shower them with gifts all in a bid to pacify them, but when it comes to your wife who you made vows to, "she must be taught a lesson"? 

- Yes, let's agree that some women are provocative. Are men so weak as to be unable to control their impulses? If yes, then why have we heard several stories of female bosses who emasculate, insult and undermine their male subordinates ever so often, but we never hear of a male staff who once raised his hand on his female boss? 

-If there was an immediate consequence for domestic violence every and any time it occurs, would you still abuse your wife/girlfriend physically? 

I simply cannot believe that while many people are dealing with the harsh realities of domestic violence, majority by no fault of their own, while we're trying to draw more attention to this cause and get the government to take it more seriously so that it can be curbed, while in the span of two weeks, we have received news of women being killed, as in KILLED, by abusive partners... one human would come and say "help men control their anger". I am fucking enraged and disappointed! 

There is no excuse or justification for domestic violence, either for men or women. Just like cheating, most violent partners are violent simply because they can be. Believe me if there were consequences these men (and women) would know to put their hands in their pockets and walk away. There are other ways to deal with an erring partner. 

That said, in most cases of domestic violence, the men are dealing with a serious case of narcissism, control issues, an extreme desire to oppress and subdue their women caused by insecurity issues and other mental health problems. Empress Njamah and others please educate yourselves. In cases such as these, no amount of submission, docility, subservience, humility, respect and meekness as a wife can save you from domestic violence. So kindly GTFOH with "women need to control their tongue", as if some men don't have sharp tongues too. 😏



  1. Wow fine girl Thelma you nailed it.

  2. All domestic lives Matter. Be it the husband, the wife, the kids and even the househelps. All domestic lives matter...

    1. Do you deliberately miss the point sometimes?

    2. Lol. What do you think?

      Ps: I know who you are..

    3. Hahahahah!!! That questions by the anonymous person...


    4. As if I care that you know who I am

    5. Lol. Then why hide under ghost mode?

    6. Why does it matter whether ghost mode or not when you already know who I am? Miss know it all

    7. Hahahaha, name calling ontop? Have some tea,it wee calm ya narvs..

    8. So because there are several societal ills, we should ignore the ill that’s being emphasized now?

      You’re just like the whites that say #AllLivesMatter when the #BlackLivesMatter movement gained ground.

      “Oh hi John, there’s a breast cancer awareness programme happening…”
      “Sulk sulk…I’m not interested jor. What about lung cancer and bone cancer? Until we treat them equally, then we are just deceiving ourselves”

    9. Ify,I totally get ur point but you see,i find it ironic that some women who are opposed to DV are totally guilty of some measure of domestic violence to a fellow woman (househelp).

      Or is this post about DV to women in general or just violence to wives and Girlfriends from (their) men?

      Ps: we can always agree to disagree..

    10. Finding it ironic does not negate the fact that there is a sharp rise in the number of women getting beaten and killed every other day by their partners sasha bone. Are there women that physically abuse their maids? yes. Likewise, are there men that molest and rape their maids? yes. Light should be shed on those as well but the danger in what you are doing, lumping every issue together, is that at the end of the day nothing gets solved. The poster is decrying domestic violence in marriages or relationships and your comment only serves to distract everyone from a very crucial matter at hand and consequently contribute no solution to the matter whatsoever, thus my #AllLivesMatter analogy. After all there are employees abusing their staff in offices, there are Indians and Chinese physically assaulting their nigerian staff. There are domestic staff molesting children. There are nannies physically assaulting babies. There are uncles penetrating the vaginas of month old babies. Do we lump these all together because they are domestic situations? Do you see my point more clearly now?
      You may not and that's just alright, there's not much point arguing.

  3. Spot on
    A Girl

  4. Some people dont know how dangerous and serious this domestic violence thing is. Maybe they think its about 1 or 2 slaps? Meanwhile people are getting killed.

    But like Sasha said....all lives really do matter. I swear I cant stand the madams that treat their house helps violently.


    1. People that deliberately miss the point like I

    2. People that deliberately miss the point like I

    3. People who deliberately miss the point like me. Hope they don't come for you

    4. You're so pained you had to reply 3 times. Lmao. Plzz don't bring kon into it, he gets the point. Peace out.

    5. *sighs*. It's the network. Been as shitty as ur attitude. I think you should add some vodka into that tea. Twld calm ur entire system...


  5. "...many people are dealing with the harsh realities of domestic violence, majority by no fault of their own...".

    " human would come and say 'help men control their anger'. I am fucking enraged and disappointed...".

    The first statement acknowledges that some victims of DV should actually share the blame of being violated. The second statement blames someone who indirectly shares the same sentiment of the first statement.

    Every normal human being would outrightly condemn DV (I for one cannot understand why many victims sugarcoat the issue), but it doesn't mean we should overlook some of the causes of DV. The abusers are usually privileged in power, strength, size and authority, so they exert this whenever the opportunity calls for it.

    DV won't occur when spouses are at par in these attributes, and when one party lacks in these, what (s)he uses is what (s)he's made available with. When the weaker sex cannot use fists, (s)he uses the tongue (or occasionally any available dangerous tool). Nagging is also DV.

    DV is wrong and should be condemned, and Empress Njamah's statement only impresses on all concerned to avoid the catalysts that sometimes lead to DV. So let's cut her some slack, she wasn't in anyway justifying DV (at least that's the misinterpretation of her statement).

    Stay blessed.

  6. True Story........... A dear friend of mine was always getting beat by her husband. Obviously she wasn't prepared to leave but knowing my friend, I know how very sharp her mouth is so I asked her if she talks when the guy is raising his voice, she said yes. Well, I begged her to stop (deep down I knew what her husband's problem was, he didn't go to school but she did #inferiority complex). When a priest was called to settle the matter, he said she always mouths off at him. You'd think the matter would end there but it didn't, beating her up became his favorite pass time until one morning πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚, he thought it was business as usual when he gave her one slap, this my friend just gently climbed on top of the bed and replied him with three slaps on his cheeks. Oga was shocked to the marrow and threw her off the bed but my friend was determined to fight to the finish (thanks to her very long beautiful natural nails), she clawed at every part of his face, neck, arms and chest with her nails. Long story short, it's been two yrs and counting and Oga hasn't tried to test his jazz on her. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Seriously tho, everyone should learn to control their anger and their tongues

  7. I agree with most of what you said but this statement you made here did not sit well with me:

    "-If her mouth is too sharp, don't you too have a mouth?"

    This will aggravate the matter and should not be encouraged at all. This is akin to encouraging mental abuse - which can be as bad as physical abuse.

    1. I completely disagree with you even though that question was simply sarcasm. If both parties spar with words then that is not in any way mental abuse. Likewise if both parties are equally strong and beat each other up, that's not domestic abuse either. In both cases however, both couples are sick and need a separation or even divorce. In any case, what do you suggest, that hitting her is fairer and justified?

    2. I in no way suggested that hitting her is fairer and justified. You must have missed the part where I wrote that I agree with most of what you said except the 'speaking back' part.

      Sorry if I missed your sarcasm but the issue is quite an emotive one and gives no room for sarcasm.

      On your argument of sparring with words... the wounds created by these 'sparring' could be deep and push either party to extremes.

      I'll conclude by positing the following:

      1. Let's be careful to suggest options to physical DV that could potentially be like 'fry pan to fire'

      2. Matters that cannot be resolved without abuse of any kind, e.g. physical DV, should have an option of separation/divorce in the cards.

    3. I quite agree with you, you'd find that my suggested solution is quite same as your #2 ie partners that cannot live peacefully should part ways. That said, as per sarcasm, I'd create room for sarcasm because I find the "sharp tongue" excuse to be an extremely ridiculous one. There are several reasons why I feel this way but I'd spare us an epistle.

  8. I honestly do not see how "all domestic lives matter" is a relevant contribution to this discussion.

  9. Common people, we are adults here. Rather than agree or disagree with anybody's opinion why not just contribute to the topic of discuss by stating your own opinion. Remember we all have a right to our own opinion...

  10. Common, the man is the head of the family, and women should learn to respect their husby. Honestly, real men don't like hitting women, but women needs to put their mouth in check. Virtually every man has ego, and if you hurt their pride as a man, anger follows, and how we all control it is what matters. Some can easily control theirs through the help of the holy spirit because anger is not amongst the fruit of the spirit, others find it difficult to do and they allow it dictate their next line of action.

    So women, learn to control your mouths, and men.... Learn to control your ego and anger, see yourselves as one because when you are one, you cannot deliberately hurt yourself.


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