I swear I'd forgotten how much dating sucks.
Today I'd have gone on my first "first date" in a coupla years. I got dressed, primped and plucked to perfection but when bobo called to say he was on his way I freaked out.
So I replied brb to his message and I plopped onto my bed and noticed my palms and forehead had gone sweaty. I suddenly wasn't feeling myself.
My head started spinning, too many question marks suddenly popping up out of smoke.
What do I want out of this?
Am I ready for a new relationship?
Do I need just a rebound guy?
What does he want out of this?
Am I emotionally ready to be with someone new?
What if he wants something casual and I start catching feelings, can I handle that right now?
What if he's looking for wifey and I just want him for the good times?
What are we going to talk about?
What do people talk about on first dates?
Is he husband material?
Is he looking for wife potential?
Would he find my directness endearing or off-putting? (I find that the older I get the less filters I have)
And this is just another reason why I hate dating. The overthinking, the second guessing, the mindgames... All of it! And it gets even worse when one's passed 30.
And it's obvious why. As a woman, especially one who wants to have kids, your biological clock is ticking, the dating pool is smaller, most of your friends are married and you have less or no one to be with which really makes you want your own someone...
Sometimes when I think about my single status I wish I'd maybe gotten married and had a couple of kids in my 20s and now, single again, I have the liberty to date whomever I choose without giving a single thought to the future, for now at least. Ahhhh, bliss!
Alas. When I was in my 20s I had other things on my mind.
But honestly, somewhere at the back of my mind I wish I could just relax and enjoy (good) men and dating and dates and drinks and romance and kissing strangers after two tequila shots and mindless sex just for sex sake and travel. You know, just like in American romcoms, without having to worry about ticking clocks et al.
So you see, I could be out having cocktails and laughs and witty convo with a charming yoruba man, but I'm here overthinking things and having my mind play 21 questions on me when I could be playing 21 questions with Mr Dimples. *Sigh*
Oh well, the week is just getting started.
Share with me your personal 1st date DOs and DON'Ts, and deal breakers. Oh, are there any new dating trends 😂? Biko update me, I've gone rusty 😒😩.