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Sunday, 25 June 2017

Back On The Dating Scene Like...




Aaaaaaaargh!

I swear I'd forgotten how much dating sucks. 

Today I'd have gone on my first "first date" in a coupla years. I got dressed, primped and plucked to perfection but when bobo called to say he was on his way I freaked out. 

So I replied brb to his message and I plopped onto my bed and noticed my palms and forehead had gone sweaty. I suddenly wasn't feeling myself. 

My head started spinning, too many question marks suddenly popping up out of smoke. 
What do I want out of this?
Am I ready for a new relationship?
Do I need just a rebound guy?
What does he want out of this?
Am I emotionally ready to be with someone new?
What if he wants something casual and I start catching feelings, can I handle that right now?
What if he's looking for wifey and I just want him for the good times?
What are we going to talk about?
What do people talk about on first dates?
Is he husband material?
Is he looking for wife potential?
Would he find my directness endearing or off-putting? (I find that the older I get the less filters I have)

And this is just another reason why I hate dating. The overthinking, the second guessing, the mindgames... All of it! And it gets even worse when one's passed 30. 

And it's obvious why. As a woman, especially one who wants to have kids, your biological clock is ticking, the dating pool is smaller, most of your friends are married and you have less or no one to be with which really makes you want your own someone...

Sometimes when I think about my single status I wish I'd maybe gotten married and had a couple of kids in my 20s and now, single again, I have the liberty to date whomever I choose without giving a single thought to the future, for now at least. Ahhhh, bliss!

Alas. When I was in my 20s I had other things on my mind. 

But honestly, somewhere at the back of my mind I wish I could just relax and enjoy (good) men and dating and dates and drinks and romance and kissing strangers after two tequila shots and mindless sex just for sex sake and travel. You know, just like in American romcoms, without having to worry about ticking clocks et al. 

So you see, I could be out having cocktails and laughs and witty convo with a charming yoruba man, but I'm here overthinking things and having my mind play 21 questions on me when I could be playing 21 questions with Mr Dimples. *Sigh*

Oh well, the week is just getting started. 

Share with me your personal 1st date DOs and DON'Ts, and deal breakers. Oh, are there any new dating trends 😂? Biko update me, I've gone rusty 😒😩. 





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16 comments:

  1. I can't remember the last time I was on a first date. Unlike most people I know, being single doesn't drive me crazy or freak me out. I’ve been single for so long (excluding my last relationship that lasted 6 months) that I’ve gotten used to me. I know someone who can't be single, like she has to have a guy sha ni, she can't not have someone asking her out for drinks every other day. Me on the other hand, I don't know how to date anymore. If I said yes to any of the guys asking me out now, I have no idea what to do or how to go about it. Maybe I'm over thinking it but maybe I'm not.

    One thing I'm sure of tho is, I have no idea how relationships work. I'm so used to caring about me, what makes me happy, what I enjoy doing, enjoying my own company and stuff, I don't know what to do when there's someone else involved. This probably means I'm selfish or self-absorbed but, it is what it is.

    Anonymous 

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You need not know what to do when you start dating, especially if you dated someone you like like is good to you. You would just tend to care for the person somehow.

      Delete
  2. I have no idea what's going on these days! I left the dating pool aeons ago :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nothing new is going on jare, except that women are more open...sincere these days.

      Delete
  3. "DOs n DON'Ts" is 6-3-3-4 basic education, you've passed that level. Right now it's up to you be happy in whatever way you deem fit (so long as GOD is in sync with your actions). Go see the movie ISOKEN.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol.. I've seen that movie twice! Although it's a very good movie and the story is great, that's all it is though, a story. Only very few people are that lucky in reality to have two incredible guys on your matter at the same time and then choosing to leave the most "obvious" choice for love.

      Delete
    2. My mum said Isoken was foolish! LOL.

      Delete
  4. Be yourself, if he likes you that way fine, if not fine. Putting up airs to please someone is like holding in your fart. Very uncomfortable.
    A Girl

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lmao @ "i've gone rusty" 😃abeg joor!

    Meanwhile hope u guys have been good O! T how is you nau? Trust you've been great.
    I've Missed being here. Cool to be back.

    ReplyDelete
  6. That rusty part got me 'loling'. Just do you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. "One thing I'm sure of tho is, I have no idea how relationships work. I'm so used to caring about me, what makes me happy, what I enjoy doing, enjoying my own company and stuff, I don't know what to do when there's someone else involved. This probably means I'm selfish or self-absorbed but, it is what it is."-Anọn 1:21am.

    This is so me. Nothing more, nothing less.

    Hello people. I've been gone for a long time that I feel like sobbing now...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dating at this our age also sucks cos most guys in the age bracket we would like are usually already married, separated, divorced or baby daddies, except if you don't mind a younger guy, it's a shine your eye phase of dating, it's something to go into prayerfully to avoid mistakes, there's someone out there who is God's will for you, it takes a praying spirit to locate him irrespective of how he looks today, I wish you the best Thelma

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wait! So Thelma is single true true?!

    So Thelma...*clears throat* ...you want to have mindless sex for the sake of sex? Ehh ehh...

    Meanwhile...how did the date go? On a scale of 1 - 10.

    Peace

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol I didn't go again o! It felt like work jare. I'll let you know when we do.

      Delete
  10. Truth of the matter, any guy u meet today whether single or married just wants to chop n go... but there are certain factors that'll determine if he will stay or go, and that is after chopping o!

    ReplyDelete
  11. This time last year I was very much in love. It was fun, it was scary, it was so not me! I've never been good at relationships and I do much better when I'm riding solo. Right now I'm back to being single and it's as deeply peaceful as Always.
    Dating and it's mind games are fast becoming evils I just might live without.
    My advice to those who are looking to date though, is to stay true to self. Once you can master that, the DOs and DONTs will follow easily,

    ReplyDelete

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