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The Struggles Of Being In a Group Chat.

It is 2017. If you are alive, sane and also own a smart phone, the odds are you are part of at least one group chat, if not more. Be it a work group on the hangout, friend’s group on Facebook, a family group on Blackberry Messenger (BBM), a church group on Whatsapp, or events committee group on Skype, you definitely are part of an online gang.
Being in a group can sometimes be essential for staying in constant contact with the members, passing across important information to relevant parties, inviting multiple people to an event at once and even keeping up with gossip. It can be hilarious as well as very effective as your group’s central point of communication. However, if we are being honest, group chats suck…especially when they are obligatory. They can get you so frustrated that you consider throwing your phone out the window with every chiming alert.

Here are some group chat struggles you may have had to deal with:

An unending stream of annoying text messages
The messages probably would not be too annoying, if they did not come in every other nanosecond. You step away from your phone for 5 minutes and you return to find a ridiculous number of unread text messages all from your group chats. Other times, a friend brings the phone to you “Babes, your
 phone has been beeping, you have 462 notifications…hope all is well?” Even worse, due to the constant vibration on your phone, your colleague start to see you as some low-key super star or social animal, not knowing that you just are a member of 8 different group chat, 3 being linked to church activities.

The annoyance of scrolling to catch up
You finally have time on your hands and you want to catch up on all the unread messages, so that you do not miss any important information… but while reading these messages you’ve missed, people in the group chat keep sending newer messages and you have to keep scrolling back up each time as your phone automatically brings you back to the bottom each time they text a new message. You have to keep scrolling back up until you finally catch up, and that can be painfully annoying.

Texting the wrong group chat
You have messages coming in from the different chat groups and you have to respond to each of 
them. Normally, you wouldn’t have an issue pulling it all off with ease, but they start to send voice note , picture and videos which you have to comment on …and it all becomes too hard to handle. You find yourself struggling and next thing you know, you accidentally text the wrong message to the wrong group. Usually, besides that fact that sending the wrong message makes you look like an idiot, it could cause problems – if it was gossip about someone, or an incident that occurred in the first group or a comment inappropriate for that particular great. For instance, mistakenly sending the comment “He asked me to leave after we had sex last night! WTF!” to your church Whatsapp group or “ Y’all, my mom is a stuck up, psychotic, precious bitch!” to your family group.

You miss important information because you can’t keep up
Sometimes, in very large groups, the conversations flow so rapidly that you give up on trying to keep up. With so many people sending in their comment and other starting new topics and responding to others on other topics, chances are you will get confused and only pick as much info as you can grab at your pace. Unfortunately, sometimes, your pace is not good enough and despite your struggle, you fail to pick up on vital information that could have informed your consequent action had you know 
about it. For instance, you skip the part where one of your superiors in a work chat mentions they would be requiring your assistance and you fail to show up because you didn’t see that comment.

The disappointment of not being able to reply after the conversation has moved on
You were absent for a some time and while catching up, you find comments that you would have really wanted to comment on our give your opinion on for clarifications, but your hands are tied as the matter was already done and dusted and 6 other topics had already be discussed after that. You realize you probably just have to let it go and perhaps have to live with the fact that your group members now believe that cockroaches are a core ingredient in making every kind of medicine, even though as a pharmacist you know that’s not true.

Having to endure details of a seemingly private conversation between two people in the group chat
Sometimes, two members who are besties take our the group chat and have what should be a very private conversation in the group chat. The conversation has nothing to do with other members of the 
group and y’all do not even know who or what they are talking about but you are forced to read it per notification. You consider asking them to text each privately and save you the irrelevant gist, but you also do not want to be the mean one in the group, I mean, others can see them as well, but they are saying nothing. *sigh*

Trying to make plans with so many people at once becomes a sequel to “Mission Impossible”
Coming to an agreement over a simple plan takes forever. Everyone has an opinion or idea they want to be heard and considered and this can quickly become exasperating. Even worse, when it seems like everyone has finally agreed on a plan, some people bring up fresh discoveries or send in last-minute responses that throw all the previously established plans into chaos. A week before the picnic, Adaugo will realize she’s not free on the ‘pencilled in’ date as she now recalls it is her EDD; or 23 hours to the day, Mayo will have a revelation that the beach will swallow one of the group members if the picnic is held on chosen date. In the end, organizing a 1-minute picnic at Elegushi beach which shouldn’t take more than a week, will now take 8 weeks to plan. It is even more frustrating when you 
are in the group chat but you are in another geographical location that automatically makes attending the picnic impossible, but you have to endure the woes of having to plan and pick a date anyways.

The irritation when you don’t want to, but you have to stay and chat
Sometimes, you cannot really stay and chat for long, but you have to at least show face, especially when you all have set a time to discuss a particular issue in a group chat. While the others have nothing to do but just sit around in sweatpants, you are actually at work and you are attention is being called on at intervals since you have a deadline to meet …but you don’t want to mention it to the group considering some are still job searching and it will be like you are feeling precious with your job. Again, it could be that you are just in a different time zone where although it is 5 pm at their location, it is 1 am at yours –way past your bed time, and you just want to sleep…but you have to stay and chat. Even when you try to say very little hoping they can just wrap up, they keep asking you question that gets you looped back in when you just want to leave.

The unbelievable drama
From passive aggressive comments to full-blown arguments, group wide roasting and members leaving the group in anger, they drama in group chats are the Telemundo kind. Entertaining but also exasperating and draining. Most times when it is just one person causing all the wahala, the admin opens a sub-group, excluding that one person or group of people from the sub-group…without their knowledge of course. Unfortunately, the peace doesn’t last long as some nincompoop who is part of the sub-group mistakenly makes reference to what has been said in the secret sub-group, making the excluded people mad. You on the other hand now find yourself wondering how many other sub-groups there actually are and if you have been excluded from any.

The pain of finally making a witty comment and being ignored
In group chats, there is the very little window of making epic jokes or making witty comments, so there is this great anticipation to get acknowledged when you finally say something on point. Unfortunately, due to the influx of messages, you may get ignored…and it hurts. Once you realize 
you witty comment or joke will never be acknowledged, you find yourself wondering: Why do I even bother? Like…why am I in this group if not even one person can acknowledge my efforts just this one time. You get petty and leave the chat group or keep mute for days. Worse is when you make a contribution and they actually see it, but nobody responds to it. There is this engulfing loneliness that comes with being left on ‘read, especially by a group of 40 people. 40 people saw your comment and not one thought it worthy of a ‘lol’ or even just a ‘k’. You feel so rejected and unwanted. You ponder on the meaning of life and maybe even consider taking your own life to escape from the humiliation.

You want to leave but you can’t leave
Your phone’s battery life has depreciated…not you phone dies off all the time; you phone memory is full…you keep getting this annoying messages from all these groups, and you want to do something about it…except that you can’t. You are stuck. It is an obligation that you cannot run away from because, how do you want to explain leaving the company’s group chat to your boss, or leaving your church unit’s group chat when you joined to serve and obey? You are stuck in a never-ending, torturous conversation with a group of people you don’t really know or care about and although you 
want out, there is nothing you can do about it because it would be rebellious, rude and you can even lose your job for it. It super sucks!

This article was written by  Nkem Ndem  for Bella Naija

Can you relate to any of these frustrations? What group chat problems have you been a "victim" of?
Or are you like me that's anti-groupchats? I left my QC class group chat, left my Nigerian Law School group chat. I left the workers group chat in church and asked someone to update me when necessary. The only group chats I'm in now are those that I cannot help but be in and I guess the reason I haven't left is because they're extremely silent most of the time. LOL.
Or are you one of those that love group chats, you're in about 10, you're the admin of 5 and you don't mind joining 10 more? πŸ˜³πŸ˜’


  1. I don't think any sane person would love group chats. I left my sec school group chat and i don't know what happened to my uni group chat. The only one I'm in now is my family group chat and we only get in there if there's something going on that needs to be talked about. I love to chat rather than calls but when my phone beeps incessantly, then its time to quit abeg.

  2. My phone setting in strictly on silent mode. The only notification I get is my ringtone. Can't stand notification sounds.

    Left a group chat cos a member became pretty toxic for me. Don't need such drama in my life. Other than that,if the message is alot, I just open and close the group chats without reading.

    1. This is just me. I can't stand all those group chat abeg. Like every two months I check all my group chat and delete the one that's the most annoying.

  3. I have just two groups I belong too.One from church and one from school..Thank God for the mute button,and I make sure the stuff they send don't go to camera roll..They are happy,I am happy..πŸ‘ŒπŸΏπŸ‘ŒπŸΏπŸ‘ŒπŸΏTNHW

    1. This is me. My group chats are on permanent mute, and I've set it such that the pictures and videos don't download also. Everyone is happy and I'm happy.

  4. When there is peace in the group and somebody wakes up and says "This group is too quiet" Gat me thinking - Yo! Are we supposed to be making noise?

    I pity niggas that are in sports groups. All them Arsenal groups. Dawg! What exactly is the point?

    Im not in many groups. Niggas fears me so they dont invite me to rubbish groups anyhow. Them dey look face.

    That reminds me. Im in one ThelmaThinks whatsapp group. Nobody says anything there so its cool.


    1. leave my Arsenal out of thisπŸ˜“πŸ˜“

    2. Hahaha! Kon, check your phone, Kabouy has reminded you of the reason why you hate group chats

    3. Wait...there's a TTB WhatsApp group? Since when? lol.

      Kene though. Arsenal fans' love for Arsenal has amazed me for over a decade. Calamity yet still kicking.

    4. Loooool. I'm sleeping on a bicycle on this blog o. There is a TTB whatsapp group? Wawu!

    5. Thelma so you don't know?? Okay now, favourite created it so we could reach out to each other during the last hang out we had at the place, remember?? Maybelline

    6. Memphis it has something to do with stockholm syndrome I guess😒

      meanwhile I thought it was a BB group chat that TTB had.πŸ€”

  5. Two people carrying on a conversation that should clearly be private is a major annoyance for me, not to mention the strain on battery life!
    And then wanting to leave but feeling obligated to stay is another one I can relate to, especially with my church unit's group (much drama too)
    I generally stay away from chat rooms of any sort. I find it's a major key to Peace of mind in IM world.

  6. Team anti-groupchats all the way.

    I'm not even in one, no, not one. Infact when i tell people i'm not on whatsapp, hmm, the story that follows no be here. But the fact is that i am(after much pressure from my uncle so as to be sending me some links) but i chat with only six people. I registered with a line i don't use, so i see everyone in my contact list but they don't except i chat you up.
    My sister recently followed my footsteps when she couldn't deal with unread irrelevant messages mostly from groupchats.
    I'm friends with people in my class groupchats and they update me in real time sef sometimes. The program ends in November and life goes on.

    I recently started unfollowing some dramatic pages on my IG and replacing them with "calmer" and enlightening pages. The "noise" in my eyes has reduced.

    Sorry but biko i'm trying to pull myself together and get hold of my sanity in an insane world full of distractions.

  7. I wouk online as a freelancer so I'm in like 4 different groups for that... the amount of vibrating my phone does just annoys th outta me.

    Also that feeling of having a witty comment for something posted 6 hours ago and 500 messages later is very infuriating.

  8. I'm in about 5 groups and they don't bother me. My WhatsApp and text message notifications are silent, my mobile only makes a sound when I get a call so I'm fine.

  9. I don't belong to any group that needs to constantly chat, so no much worries. Oh except for people adding me to mmm, hwmg, etc.

  10. I'm in few group chats. Majority belongs to church. It's quite strict. It's just there to give information. If you send any bc, they warn you, you apologize and they remove you as soon as your apology comes in. That's the punishment for forgetting you have sense. Everything you deem important, i.e, Vacancies et al has to routed through admin.
    Life is easy.

  11. I belong to 2 whatsapp groups,I'm active in just one group and that is "MY FAMILY" group chat.The other one is muted till eternity so I hardly notice until I see a notification for 1million messages.
    Facebook, I was added to FIN group by God knows who and I only read their stories but I have NEVER commented cos my fingers do not conform to their Rules.

    1. Your fingers don't conform to their rules πŸ˜…πŸ€£πŸ˜‚ Blogittup! We must meet before this year runs out oooo! πŸ˜…πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

      Please that FIN group would be blowing up your phone oooo! Too many people there would be talking almost at the same time... waawu!

  12. I am in 4 group chats;

    1) My daughter's school parents group
    2)My office unit group
    3) My meat seller's! I hate buying meat at the market, so I order and they deliver
    4) August secrets mum's group (baby food ish)
    5) My siblings whatsapp group

    Of all the groups sef, it's the meat sellers and the AS Mums group wey sabi talk pass. but once in a while I mute them, and when i get bored...I unmute and read away

  13. I belong to Six whatsapp groups, and it's not funny, most times I just ignore the messages coming in until I feel like reading a few, I can't even exit because the first four are school groups, from class to department then one is a group that post Job vacancies and the last one focuses on teaching, praying for and growing women who are looking to get married (I rarely say anything On this one though).. And then I don't know how I found myself on FIN on facebook, I have never commented though.. Maybelline

  14. Am in some but don't even bother,do i even have time for group chat.

  15. Please admin of TTB, add Memphis 😘I need to set p! Please add Blogittup!!!!! Please πŸ™πŸ½πŸ™πŸ½πŸ™πŸ½
    Add Kene too nah! And our only Naughty house wife 😘😍

    1. Pls add Sasha bone... I need to keep my eyes on her.... before she will take Memphis away with her wonderful mind and body.

      Thelma, there's no way we are not adding you. That group has your name on it!!! You have to be there! πŸ˜‚ Someone add Thelma! Thank you! 😘

  16. It was just this morning I decided to do some sanitation on my phone, i guess it's because of all the unnecessary happy new month messages that flooded most of the irrelevant group chats I was in, for some reason I can't figure out yet I've tolerated all these group chat noise, at some point I stopped opening some of them and I have thousands of message notifications. I realized I had a choice this morning and deleted all of them leaving the necessary ones, the peace and quiet in my life right now cannot be traded.

  17. I belong to one chat group
    On whatsapp and that's just my family group. I have left every other group which I was unfortunate enough to be added on. I can't stand the notifications alerts and endless talks Abeg.


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