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What Loneliness Nearly Made Me do!

He must have been surprised that his call didn't ring through and then cut off. In fact, I think he was just calling for sport and not because he actually expected me to pick. If he's called me 50 times in the last year I've only answered 5 times and each time I must have said "let me call you back". 

This time around I picked eagerly. 

He was surprised. 

"Where are you?" I asked.

"In Lagos. Four Points". 

"I'm on my way". My eyes running through my clothes, I was already on my feet. 

"Ok. Room 336". 

I wore something sexy but comfortable. Apparently I was going to get into bed in room 336, right?

I drove to Four Points blocking out every voice of reason. Prior to his call I'd spoken to my friend whose husband has been away from the country for over three years for whatever reason. She was just telling me about her new man. Purely for sex, she said. I cannot come and go and kill myself, she said. Before I go and run mad, she said. If a legally married woman cannot come and go and kill herself, who am I? I said. 

I felt justified for whatever it was I was about to do. 

I drove into the compound and called him. 

"Come upstairs". 

You see, I'd planned to go straight to room 336 anyways, but the way he ordered, like it was a given, like I was obviously coming to get screwed. That didn't go down well with me. 

"Come downstairs" I countered. 

It seemed only right. I hadn't seen him since that flight to PH over a year ago, and before that maybe five years ago...

He did and we went to the bar. 

If I get drunk enough maybe I'll go upstairs. 

I tried. Shot after shot after shot of vodka. It just wasn't werking. 

"You're spending the night, right?"


And I intended to. I would deal with the regret in the morning. And hey, what if I don't regret it? What if I something good comes out from this?

The alcohol wasn't working...

The conversation was less lively than watching eggs boil. 

" need to go home", I said. 

No one ever talks about being lonely. Why? I'm certain that tons of people reading this are very lonely right now. I clung tightly to my last relationship simply because I was afraid of being lonely again. I was going to allow a man I can barely stand, ravage me or do with me whatever he pleased. Simply because I felt, maybe, just maybe I'd feel something. Maybe even just a little. Maybe for a moment I'd feel a connection. With another human. 


Thankfully I knew better than to think that would help. Actually, it would have made my situation a lot worse. 

Let's talk about loneliness. Have you ever experienced it? Has it ever made you do something you wouldn't normally do? 

What do you think about my friend's situation? A husband leaves home for three years and does not speak to his wife, before he left there were no issues, he simply said he was travelling for work. His family doesn't provide much info either but they keep saying "be patient". She knows he's alive and well but after over two years of waiting and being alone, she has decided to start dating. She's young, still very pretty and has needs! Is she justified in taking a lover?


  1. Which work is dude doing? Is he in jail? Hell yeah she is justified...if the shoe were on the other foot would he "be patient"!

    As for lonliness, I just ended up on random a** dates- always made sure at least I ate free...there is just something about free food that raises my spirits.

    1. Not only is she justified, i think she waited too darn long. A man who leaves his home (wife) with no explanations and expects her to swallow it up needs to be caned and dumped. Rubbish.

  2. Next time ur lonely,lemme know,i'll buy us our favorite ice-cream.

    Nne,what exactly can the righteous do when lonely? You need to remember the motto of ur former boo: live young,wild and free. You really cannot come and go and kill yasef..

    (when ur old and wrinkled,all this really wldnt matter anymore..)

  3. Loneliness is a bastard can make you make the craziest of decisions,it can make you compromise your future happiness for a few minutes of fun. I have learnt to read my bible from Genesis to Revelation anytime that demon called LONELINESS tries to creep in. Not in the mood to type I would have given my own TBM on the topic.

    1. Please come back and type when you're in the mood.

    2. That can be really annoying, especially when you take your time to type it out and its long, then you click publish and cant find it....My God


    3. @FavouriteShades,you know right?
      It is a very annoying something.

  4. Loneliness is crazy I swear. I was extremely lonely today. It's my birthday today so i decided to go out, a friend who was asking me out was supposed to go with me but something came up and he didn't come again. So I braved it and went out alone, but it just didn't work. I almost cried, i still dont understand why, since i go out alone most times. probably because it's my birthday and I felt lonely cos there is no bf to share it with. The food I went to eat sef just lost taste, I just decided to carry myself jejely and leave. Later when the guy called I told him I wasn't ready to go home yet, so we went somewhere else. I still didn't feel the birthday though, I just felt too lonely. Though my parents where extremely good to me today.

    1. Oh wow! Happy belated birthday missy! You should have told us,we all wld have called you or something.
      Your happiness is in you..

    2. Happy birthday in arrears Ibukunoluwa! May God bless you.
      Like Sasha bone has said your happiness is in you. Try not to over think things.

    3. awww.... Happy belated birthday!!.. if it makes you feel better, iv cried on my birthdays in the past, out of loneliness. First time was when I turned 23, i thought my life had taken a course I hadn't planned on. According to schedule, I was supposed to be done with school, married, and with at least one child. In hindsight, I was in a really good space in that period actually, but I didn't see it. There's something about some birthdays that brings loneliness, but I'm finding loneliness is just a useless demon that brings no progress. when he comes, put on your strong boots and kick him out of the way. More grace to you in your new year.

    4. happy belated birthday dear,the best is yet to come. Eventually you'll find companionship and happiness and memories of the lonely times will gradually fade away.

    5. Ada_ugo I would definitely put on that strong boots from now henceforth. Thanks

    6. Happy birthday in arrears darling. I know too well how you felt yesterday. Guess what, more exciting birthdays are coming. I feel that all these lonely birthdays happen so that when happier ones come we get to really appreciate them, because best believe those ones will of come. Hugssss

    7. Ibukunoluwa Balogun you're awesome and I love you. Coming on Saturday to whip up pancakes for you😘😘😘

    8. happy belated birthday Ibukun! Everyone's given you nice and effective input so I'm not gonna tow that path. Here's wishing you a very happy and fulfilling year ahead. Chrisyinks

    9. First of All, happy birthday in arrears, am sorry you didnt get to have fun like you wanted.

      That been said, i would advise you try and make more female friends in your locality, that you can hang out with anytime you want(i would have offered my friendship but i am sure we are in different states)

      And yeah the loneliness will pass


    10. Awwwn... I really appreciate all this. Thanks everyone

    11. Happy Birthday. Next year will be better by God's grace.


    12. Aww dear, this touched me as i've felt like that just once. But i grew to realize that, just like Sasha said, one's happiness is actually in her. As in i even had to privatize my birth date on facebook so i can continue to learn draw my happiness from the inside and from the small circle that really matters rather than have it depend on outer circumstances.
      A very happy belated birthday to you dear.

    13. Happy birthday Ibukun...God's blessings all around.TNHW

    14. Ibukun, happy birthday to you! Best wishes for a beautiful and fulfilling life. God bless you

  5. I used to be the queen of loneliness before I got married, and I remember that I would buy all sorts of series to watch to kill my loneliness , and also listen to some gospel songs .

    1. So did you find that marriage helped the loneliness?
      The day I knew loneliness is a serious disease was when a friend told me her pastor had confided in her that one can be married, as he was, surrounded by people, and still be lonely.

    2. I can definitely testify, watching series does help to an extent, the issue i end up having with watching series is the guilt i have, like i just have nagging voice asking me why i am wasting productive hours to promote someone else's dreams.Like so it was so wonderful to watch,so how has that gotten me closer to achieving my own dreams?


  6. I just handed in my resignation.. I hate my job..but il be okay..
    been using tinder and POF..these are dating apps and surprisingly they are lots of nigerians there but haven't found anyone that I connect with.. i have few friends and we don't talk as much as they are back home or a different I feel lonely most times. I try to put myself out there but how ? il love to go to gatherings but it would be easier if I knew someone (male / female) connected to said gathering..
    I have decided to delete both apps because I am tired of going on meaningless dates.. and I don't want to have sex with someone i have no connection with anymore..
    my job ends this month so its job hunting again and hopefully I enjoy the rest of the summer...Il try to make a 25 yr old..should not be too hard

    1. Meme! Glad to see you. If it makes you feel any better we've got our fair share of this and that. Thankfully things have a way of sorting themselves out. I'd say, keep going out and looking to make new friends, you're 25! What better time to be having the time of your life?

    2. Yaaaay, congratulations.Sure you will be okay

      i wish i had your guts but mehn i have financial goals that insists i keep this job until i get another, theres nothing as heartwrenching as been stuck in a job you have outgrown


    3. I seriously considered resigning today!!! Wow!

  7. I have experience loneliness in a place where I am surrounded with people,have I done what I supposed wouldn't do,hell yes...As for that your friend Thelma,does she have kids?Is the guy in jail,Does he send her allowance,through the parents🙄🙄?If all this is no,let her move on..TNHW

    1. She has kids but that doesn't stop her from having needs though. She hasn't heard from him, meaning no allowances whatsoever. Even if he's in jail, there are telephones in jail nau ☺️

    2. I think she should drop a divorce notice before she goes ahead with shagging another person so they(the family)don't paint her in bad light..(accuse her of prostitution)..My one cent thou.TNHW

    3. I'm at work and I googled "The naughty House Wife" and porn came up.
      Omo I sharply closed the window...
      Yetunde, which kain name you give yourself so...

  8. I know that feeling Tee. Thank God you didn't have to regret anything. BTW welcome back to consistent blogging. I can now open your blog without the fear if being heart broken over your not making any post.

    At the risk of sounding selfish. I like the not being in a relationship you. Cos I get to read more from you...
    #runs away#

    1. Arent you just a 'fish-seller" abi "selfish geh"

      It feels good to read more from T. I know right.

    2. Hehehhehehe, Biko she spoke my mind m welcome back Tee baby.

  9. I have been lonely a couple of times, infact plenty plenty times. I have always been sort of a loner in the past too.

    This morning, I felt pretty lonely and called my University Bestie just to cling on to old memories. lol

    Yes , you can be married and be lonely.Its not even about the spouse, its about you.
    Its a sad place to be.

    Its also a state of mind. It can be managed effectively.

  10. I think people need the following:
    1) You gotta work on yourself. Develop your mind. If you do things you wouldnt ordinarily do because you are lonely then I think there are some esteem issues hiding somewhere. Or maybe some control issues.
    2) Yall need solid friendship. Friends that you can just go be around, and once you are around them they will not tolerate any of them funny ideas. And silence with the friend is okay.
    3) Enjoy your own space: i.e do the things you love doing. What do yall think all them mobile phone apps are for? There is an app for everythig! When you bored and lonely then engage with an app. It could be a make up app, video games, DJ apps, Song apps etc. And then there are movies and series. And there is bible/church.

    Contact me for more details.


    1. Note taken but errm when the friends you have are in faraway places nko.

    2. Believe me when I say Apps n all can only take you so far. I've always generally had a pretty upbeat disposition, and never thought loneliness and depression could apply to me...till it did. I was living in a house with the flatmate from hell, far away from home and friends. I had all the gadgets and thanks to fiber optic broadband, access to all the distractions that could help and I used it well and often. It still wasn't enough. When loneliness hits u, it's almost blind siding, I have to say. Enough to convince you certain friendships are worth more than they actually are. So, while mine didn't degenerate to an encounter I'd have regretted later, I can certainly understand the feeling for those it did.

  11. I've being lonely so many times lol... I recently made a decision to be happy and I swear it's not easy. Although when you begin to look to God to cater for your happiness live becomes so much more. Of course friends like Ibukun and George that understand me make everything better. BTW my sister and boyfriend are birthday mates and they're the most awesome people in the world.

  12. The way ypu deal with loneliness also depends on your personality. I'm a melancholy. We love our alone time...a little too much.

    This is what works for me:
    * a really nice movie or series
    *a good novel
    *just go out by yourself...its a great way to meet a random stranger
    *offer to babysit for a friend or relative


  13. yeah, I have been lonely before, depressed even. Worst thing I did was to give up on living - essentially if I had no expectations or desires about life, there was nothing to feel lonely or depressed about. I guess getting through such phases involves making a rigid decision about lines one would cross and one wouldn't cross. It's okay to do stuff one wouldn't normally do I guess, one just has to careful that such decisions doesn't have so much negative consequences.

    Quite bluntly, she isn't justified in taking a lover. If she wants to take a lover, she could take the honorable route and dissolve the marriage. She's only doing a disservice to herself by being married and yet unfaithful. More importantly, I think she needs closure and that's what she needs to find. This is the age of social media and thankfully, technology has made it easy to find anyone. She also has his family within reach. Chrisyinks

  14. If i didnt know better, i would have said i wrote this post as i am in a similiar situation ,currently loving up to an old flame that i haven't spoken to in six(6) years. Like i know theres no future but ermmmm, i am bored jor.

    So loneliness can make you act in ways that you'll surprise yourself.

    Your friends situation ehn, i dont even know what to say but she needs to making a forward moving decision,her status quo cannot remain as its been.

    Experiences like your friends just reiterates my belief that the institution of marriage is a rather delicate one, no issues,dude just up and leave,leaves his wife with thier kids.just laidat? nawa oh


  15. Oh well.. the loneliness thing is not for me o because i enjoy my own space and actually relationships drain me out both male and female r/ships. Like i purposely nope my way out of hangouts, and thinking of it right now, i realize i wasn't like this when i was younger, i was the life of the party, as in people needed my 'ginger' to be able to have fun. I think growth is happening and I'm loving it.

  16. Loneliness has never made me do what I won't normally do but whenever I feel lonely, I go on dating sites,make few friends and use them to drive away the loneliness. Sometimes I'll watch love films and use it to give myself hope.


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