He must have been surprised that his call didn't ring through and then cut off. In fact, I think he was just calling for sport and not because he actually expected me to pick. If he's called me 50 times in the last year I've only answered 5 times and each time I must have said "let me call you back".
This time around I picked eagerly.
He was surprised.
"Where are you?" I asked.
"In Lagos. Four Points".
"I'm on my way". My eyes running through my clothes, I was already on my feet.
"Ok. Room 336".
I wore something sexy but comfortable. Apparently I was going to get into bed in room 336, right?
I drove to Four Points blocking out every voice of reason. Prior to his call I'd spoken to my friend whose husband has been away from the country for over three years for whatever reason. She was just telling me about her new man. Purely for sex, she said. I cannot come and go and kill myself, she said. Before I go and run mad, she said. If a legally married woman cannot come and go and kill herself, who am I? I said.
I felt justified for whatever it was I was about to do.
I drove into the compound and called him.
You see, I'd planned to go straight to room 336 anyways, but the way he ordered, like it was a given, like I was obviously coming to get screwed. That didn't go down well with me.
"Come downstairs" I countered.
It seemed only right. I hadn't seen him since that flight to PH over a year ago, and before that maybe five years ago...
He did and we went to the bar.
If I get drunk enough maybe I'll go upstairs.
I tried. Shot after shot after shot of vodka. It just wasn't werking.
"You're spending the night, right?"
And I intended to. I would deal with the regret in the morning. And hey, what if I don't regret it? What if I something good comes out from this?
The alcohol wasn't working...
The conversation was less lively than watching eggs boil.
" need to go home", I said.
No one ever talks about being lonely. Why? I'm certain that tons of people reading this are very lonely right now. I clung tightly to my last relationship simply because I was afraid of being lonely again. I was going to allow a man I can barely stand, ravage me or do with me whatever he pleased. Simply because I felt, maybe, just maybe I'd feel something. Maybe even just a little. Maybe for a moment I'd feel a connection. With another human.
Thankfully I knew better than to think that would help. Actually, it would have made my situation a lot worse.
Let's talk about loneliness. Have you ever experienced it? Has it ever made you do something you wouldn't normally do?
What do you think about my friend's situation? A husband leaves home for three years and does not speak to his wife, before he left there were no issues, he simply said he was travelling for work. His family doesn't provide much info either but they keep saying "be patient". She knows he's alive and well but after over two years of waiting and being alone, she has decided to start dating. She's young, still very pretty and has needs! Is she justified in taking a lover?