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From Boardroom To Bantu.





Hiyaaa. 

I've been pretty much holed up all weekend, because conjunctivitis. However I had to attend a meeting in the afternoon yesterday. It would be the first meeting this year for the Board Of Trustees of an organization I'm with so it was pretty mandatory.  

My eyes and half of my face look like uncooked meat (honestly I wish I could show you but you may lose your appetite) so I grabbed a pair of shades and headed for Westwood Hotel, Ikoyi. During the meeting we kept hearing bursts of music from the floor above, it sounded like they were having a sound check. Halfway through I got up to go to the ladies and when I stepped out this fine bearded dark skinned gentleman was standing at the door waiting for me. He introduced himself and said he'd seen me when he walked in. He immediately told me what he does for a living. I took in his well groomed appearance, Gucci shoes, suede blazers, polished diction and profession and immediately handed him my business card; target client alert!!!

I decided to have my lunch after the meeting so after the other members of the board left, I went in and sat in a corner where I could eat in solitude. The fine gentleman approached me. (*insert: because I was alone I took my shades off. When he got to my table and I looked up at him, he jumped back. Literally jumped back. I tell you my face looks like raw meat!*). I quickly put my shades on and apologized; I have an eye infection. He soon recovered from the shock and asked if I would like to join him upstairs. 

Apparently the music we had been hearing during the meeting was from the floor above us. Musician Bantu was having his album Launch and he was an invited guest. I wasn't in much of a hurry so I said I would join him and a few minutes later I did. 

The pictures above, on the left is me heading out for my meeting. On the right is me at Bantu's Launch. 

So we had a few cocktails and some laughs but I wasn't feeling strong enough to handle all that excitement. My eyes and head had been throbbing evening, and the loud music and flashing lights made me feel like I might have an epileptic attack so I soon left. 

The minute I got into bed my phone rang. It was him. Our conversation went something like this. 

"So why aren't you married?"

i guess this should be #8 on my 7 speechless moments list. I was speechless. 

"Why aren't you married?" He asked again. 

"I don't even know how to answer that question"

"Beautiful girl like you"

"Is it by beauty?"

"Somehow yes. But it's not just your beauty. I like your humility, and your carriage. I don't understand how you can be single. You have everything a man will want. A beautiful girl like you should not be single"

I could feel my head throbbing harder. 

"Are you married?" I asked him. 

"Yes. But my wife is in Abuja at the moment on an assignment. We have a daughter. She will be 1 in December". 

"Okay..."

"Anyway, I like you. I really really like you. Nothing attached to it. Just genuine likeness. Can we see tomorrow evening?"

I said we couldn't and explained why. 

"I have a husband for you. I'm going to give you a husband because I really like you. I'll give you a very good man because that is what you deserve. But I want to date you first because I really like you. Then I will introduce you a very nice guy to marry. Let's see on Tuesday so that we can discuss better ". 


And that was the most confusing piece of fuckery I'd heard all weekend. 


***

So my people, there you have it. For centuries women have given men their bodies in exchange for money and the things money can buy. Have we gotten to a new era, one where women will give men their bodies, not in exchange for money but for a ring, from another man? 






.

Comments

  1. Sorry about ur eyes Thelma, it will get better. Yes it has gotten to that extent, men feel women are so desperate and cheap, I don't blame the men totally it's what the society has turned to and they feel all ladies are the same,that guy deserves a slap to reset his senses.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I was beginning to miss the single life as I imagined the way you guys met and I read down and was like what the fuck?Dude is sick in the head.#shikena TNHW

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lol, wetin person no go hear these days??? For a moment there I thought in some months time we would be having a headline that reads "how I found the love of my life amidst my apolo crisis"...This one pass me o.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amidst my apolo...hahahahahahahah!

      Delete
  4. Ahan...oga o. Very confusing truthfully.

    ReplyDelete
  5. What is the word to qualify when you feel like laughing but the same time angry. I want to laugh because it does not sound real but my anger gets in the way cos I know it is. Umu nwanyi atago afufu. J

    ReplyDelete
  6. Orisirisi. ......dude should just start up an agency already since he is in the business of giving people husbands ......ye ye

    FavouriteShades

    ReplyDelete
  7. "...my wife is in Abuja at the moment...".

    "...I really really like you..."

    "...I'll give you a very good man...But I want to date you first...".

    Rainy season and Apolo caused this.

    ReplyDelete
  8. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ sorry I laughed but o haven't heard such idiocy come out of a persons mouth in a while. And somebody married this one sha.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lol at wanting to test drive then give you to a good man. Jokers abound. Sorry about your eyes.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. I never saw the last part of the conversation coming.I swear his wife is single. WTF! I'll date you first then give you a husband. guy off meπŸ˜‚

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
      As in eh. I just started laughingπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Delete
  11. Whaaaat? I couldn't believe my eyes when I got to the end of your story.
    The gall!!!

    A lot of Nigerian men assume that a single lady over 30yrs is desperate for marriage. How annoying.

    I'm angry on your behalf.
    Smh.

    GIFT

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haa! You guys have no idea. This guy's case is mild. The worst is former classmates who never ever had the guts to even look you in the eye and now confidently proposition because you're still a Miss. Now that's when one really starts to feel insulted.

      Delete
    2. Honestly, I was already smiling fa....what silliness is this.

      Some men o
      The nerve. I dont blame him now. Its society I blame.
      Marriage is now the prize to aspire towards as a woman.

      Get better T.

      Delete
  12. Are you for real? And I was actually rooting for him when you described him. YEYE MAN

    ReplyDelete
  13. Lmao, I lost it at .."but I will date you first ". Hehe.
    wetin person no go hear for this world. So he will date ladies to guarantee them future husband. it's alright.
    Sorry about your eye Tee.

    ReplyDelete
  14. So 'Mr' thinks you will actually agree to be made a sample just in order to be hooked up with a guy it might not even work out with at the end of day???ur body in exchange for uncertainty(husband at that).i am stunned ��

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh No!guys of nowadays can be mean to us single ladies sha o,Imagine my Ex whose married now,messaged me and our chat went thus:
    EX: Sup cutie-pie,wadup?
    Me: Hi(I wasn't in the mood for pleasantries)
    EX: How are you and where have you been?
    Me: I'm aiit
    EX: Are you married now?
    Me: NO!
    EX: Thank God!
    Me: Thank God for what?(Confused)
    EX: I'm happy because I need a mistress urgently
    Me: My head spinning in both confusion and anger the first sentence my fingers could type were,GOD PUNISH YOU A THOUSAND FOLDS.and I added "let this be the last time you message me or try to contact me you bastard"
    EX: Haba now baby,I was only trying to be funny like you.
    By this time I had deleted his existence from the entire phase of my life. Albeit he called me immediately,I guess to apologize, I ignored him like a smelly fart.#SingleNotStupid

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "deleted his existence from the entire phase of my life"
      You did very well Bloggitup. #SingleNotStupid

      Delete
    2. Good handling, chop knuckle..

      Some guys keep trying this nonsense because some girls are damn too stupid to put them in the gutter

      Delete
    3. Egbon Wale Ekale o.Ejo, mi o le ri yin fin, ema je kin chop knuckle.E je kin kun le kin yin sir.

      Delete
    4. True Mr Wale, because most ladies keep accepting bull shot, so they think it's nice to dish it out to others

      Delete
    5. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ @ kun le! Blogittup! You're such a funny lady!!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

      Delete
  16. What shall we not hear? Equals to speechless biko.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I swear I had my mouth wide open at this. Even with my years of experience I haven't heard this one before. Like date me before giving me husband ke.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Just when you thought you had seen/heard/read it all... .another one comes up. Grinning like a little school girl at the beginning until I got to the end.


    Just imagine!!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I now have Apollo myself 😒😒😒 . I can't remember having it together with headaches. My head almost fell of yesterday. Today, I am okay....so far.

    ReplyDelete
  20. many are mad but few are roaming,.. Does he think you are one of those desperados?? What won't I hear for Christ sake... Chaii, sorry about your eyes baby, you will be fine. Did you try the urine thing??

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh well! My ogoja friends will say "different by kind people dey this world"!

    ReplyDelete

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