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I Had a Fight With My Parents!





"Where is your sense of humour? I was only trying to make you laugh".

Was the hurt response from Lenny, from of my ex's bestfriends. 

Lenny had just sent me a series of candid pictures taken one night a few months ago of my ex and I having a hearty conversation. We were laughing, touching, teasing etcetera etcetera. 

Lenny sat at the other side of the table and took pictures of us. The ex and I were a very expressive couple. Most times we were out together even with other people, we would have our own private gist of the most random nature, with PDA raised to volume 10.  

In any case when Lenny sent these pics I had a really good laugh. I had the same pictures as he sent them to our phones the night they were taken but I hadn't looked at them since then. But the other part of me was wondering why he was sending them to me at this point, especially considering how much effort I'd put into moving on. I asked him why, sounding a bit angry perhaps, and he got a bit offended by my "lack of sense of humor". 

Sense of Humor. 

That's something I generally lack on Mondays, especially on Monday mornings, especially on Monday mornings when I'm not busy. Apparently a part of my mind hasn't come to accept that unlike people with regular jobs, I will more often than not have a pretty laidback Monday morning, and I don't like having laidback Monday mornings when other career people are frenzied and feverish from Monday morning fever, because when I do I tend to get angry and question my life choices. 

This morning for instance, I woke up and almost instantly fell into that mood. I had a lot to put in place but they all required monies that I didn't have at that moment. While trying to create solutions for my money woes I got a call from my parents, expressing their unhappiness that in recent times I've not sent home money as often and as much as I should. For the first time I reacted, because you see I wasalready having a dark Monday morning, by telling them that they should read their bible, that the bible says parents should leave things (wealth and inheritance) for their children and not the other way around, that children are not investments. I should have known better than to say that because this only escalated the issue. My mum retorted by asking if I expect them to give me money at my age? I responded by saying no, I have not asked you for money in well over 5 years so don't even go there. All I'm saying is that parents should make investments to ensure that they don't turn children into sources of income later in life. Now, this double escalated the issue and their tempers. They both got super defensive and started to raise their voices at me. They told me of the children of ABC and XYZ and MNO who monthly would each give their parents X amount of money without fail. I countered by telling them about friends whose parents gave houses, landed properties, cars and millions. 
        Yes, at this point there was fire on the mountain. I wanted to scream but I had no choice but to try to douse the fire before things got too ugly. In trying to calm them down I reminded them that I do the best that I can and that when I can afford to, I don't withhold. And besides I do not have regular sources of income etc . Now this led to another issue; WE HAVE TOLD YOU TO GO AND GET AN OFFICE JOB. 

This quarrel ensued for another thirty minutes or so and I kept on cursing at myself because you see, I was the one who called them to say good morning, have a great week, I love you... Apparently they were in a na love we go chop? mood. 

When I was eventually able to end that conversation, I got a message from one of my workers reminding me that I'm yet to pay for some services that had been rendered. I looked at my account balance and said f*ck my life. 

Then in a bid to stay sane I tried to focus on the aspects of my life that are working, if any, and I'm trying to be zen and happy in a catastrophic world, but my phone starts beeping and I open my WhatsApp to see about 7 pictures of my Ex in I taken at a time when we were obviously very happy and in love. A love that's still too fresh in my memory... So no, my sense of humour had taken a leave of absence!

So here, it's safe to say that so far I'm not having the best day. I wrote this in the morning and things haven't gotten any better. But I'm kinda happy when things are this shitty, because then I know that it can only get better. LOL. 


To make it clear, I'm a strong advocate of taking care of one's parents whether they need it or not. I've done so ever since I first started making money, and my siblings feel the same way. I guess starting a new business is taking its toll on me. However, my parents don't exactly depend on us for finances, so sometimes I overlook it because it's something I've always done simply out of gratitude, as a "good daughter" and not because I felt it was my responsibility.  
        And now that this happened, I'm looking at things a bit differently; responsibility.  I want your thoughts on this. Is it actually the responsibility of the child to "give back" to the family once they graduate and start working? Or do you think, just as the bible says in (Pr13:22, Pr19:14 and 2Cor 12:14) that it's the parents who owe this duty to their children? What about when these "kids" get married and have their own homes, do they still owe it to their parents to take care of their needs? What is your current situation; where does your family stand on this matter? Do share your thoughts. 



Ps; it actually wasn't a fight. We've spoken several times since then. My mama can't do without me 😝. LOL. 


.

Comments

  1. That our response to her wasn't cool at all....
    πŸ‘ŽπŸ‘ŽπŸ‘ŽπŸ‘ŽπŸ‘Ž.
    Good a thing you apologized.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right Laeffizy, it really wasn't. I won't even make any excuses. The thing is, when you're trying the best that you can and still being put under pressure, especially when you're getting no form of assistance from no one or no where, it has a way of making one react the wrong way.

      Delete
    2. Sorry hun.. This is all part of your success story 😊

      Delete
  2. sorry to hear Thelma. when the day starts on a down note, it usually takes the almighty Grace of God for the rest of the day to go well, so I feel you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Giving to your parent is actually a spiritual investment with a sure banker ROI. You can do better by calmly telling them you don't have at the moment, you'd soon have and generally giving them hope. Imagine, asking that your ex for money and he asking you where it is written that boys should give money to their girl friends. I'm sure how you'd feel is how your parents felt. It was a totally irresponsible response to a genuine request from those who nurtured you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think it's as much a sign of gratitude as it is responsibility, some parents give their life to their children only to end up broke old people. The same bible also tells children to care and provide for their parents...so dear poster, in as much as your situation is understandable, you can do better with words next time.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I actually know that feeling,my mum and i still had a small misunderstanding regarding this money matter.. Bible or no bible,i just feel the need to give back after all her hardwork on me,i do it because i want to,not because its mandatory.. May our pockets never run dry and may they be around when we start to win so they can benefit. Amen.. Ama wa alright

    ReplyDelete
  6. I believe strongly that the best gift parents cam give to their chidren is to prepare adequately for their own retirement.

    This is because in my short life on earth.i have seen numerous cases of parents who gave their all training their kids and now do not hve a roof over their heads.

    Dont get me wrong...most of these people are not like this because their adult children are now wealthy and refuse to help them. No. They're like this because their adult children are either unemployed or are still struggling to make it in life so they don't have enough to take care of their parents.

    Not every parent will be lucky enough to have a ronaldo, mikel obi, or linda ikeji as a child.

    Parents...give your children the best you can but also plan for your own retirement. This way you don't put pressure on your children and you still have something to leave them when you die.

    Children should also take care of their parents as
    much as they're able to...not only finacially but emotionally too.

    Gift

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What Gift said............

      Balance is key, parents while doing the best they can for thier kids should ensure they plan adequately for thier own retirement. I think western parents tend to do better with this than African parents.

      Ultimately the onus rests on us as parents/intending parents to consciously & intentionally parent especially as regards finding a workable balance with caring for our kids and preparing for our retirement/older ages.

      Lets make better decisions.....

      FavouriteShades

      Delete
    2. @ Gift

      You nailed it! Chrisyinks

      Delete
  7. its the Children responsibility to cater for parents especially financially, but its easier when it stems from Love,that way it doesnt feel like a burden.

    Its also the parents duty to be understanding of the seasons & cycles in thier kids life. When your child was in paid employment & single ,they might not be able to give as much or as consistently as to when they transition to enterpreneurship & married life.....

    AND Yes, even when you are all married and have kids, you still get to provide for them.

    As an aside though, i admire you and your parents ability to disagree and all is still well. Mehn, if you have the above conversation with my mum with even 1/4 of your responses, just know she isnt gonna be talking to you for days, and my dad will remind you again & again(even after you have apologized oh) that you disrespcted him, he just kennot believe it....Yoruba parents, at least mine,dont try this with them

    FavouriteShades

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your last paragraph. Asin I know that on no occasion whatsoever can I say half what T said. It will be catastrophic. My highest fightback na silence. In fact when I said less than a percent of this to my mum during an argument she cried and I cant afford that happening again.

      Delete
    2. i absolutely feel you on this......

      Often people meet me and they are like, you dont say much oh,lols, i just smile. I like to talk but i tend to keep quite more as i have had decades of practice. I mean you learn to hold your peace when you know saying your 'church mind' will lead to more drama than you have the strength for.

      My siblings especially my brother are the ones with the big mouths in my house, they can say anything. When it comes to arguements with my parents, i am ever-conscious that i am dealing with two individuals who are set in thier ways so i doubt what i have to say will make a difference, so why bother?Let peace rain is the watchword.

      My personality(I absolutely hate confrontations except i am left with no choice) also helps so i am quite sure not every child would keep quite in scenarios i have had to deal with.

      FavouriteShades

      Delete
  8. Thelma...i understand your business struggles, dont worry it will get better by Gods grace, keep working hard as you are. God will bless your work.
    Well, yes parents take care of their children but also with love children can take care of their parents too especially when they are retired, you can always support them financially. However, some parents dont need financial support as they are very well off but as a child, there are still some things you can do for your parents that will make them happy and always pray for you in their heart.

    Parents also have to understand that there are times that you may not have enough to give them as well so they should be able to manage in those periods so it doesnt cause friction with the child (ren).

    Jackie

    ReplyDelete
  9. A lot has been written, but often times it's not necessarily about the amount. Giving the parents shows deep thoughtfulness and care; it is highly rewarding, trust me.
    Make it a regular habit, same way you pay tithes and give offerings. Call ahead if the amount will drop from the usual.

    Go and read the ten commandments again, yea, the part about honouring your father and mother. You don't agree? Just do it!

    ReplyDelete
  10. We placed our parents on a monthly allowance and when they need more money,they call and request.but you see,me I use1st attack on them.once they call and I sense they wanna ask for money omo,I will just start complaining and complaining.Next thing I will say is"my credit is low,the line will soon cut off o.I dont even have money to buy credit,i am even hungry too no money to eat."My father will just be worried and quickly leave me.Lately,I noticed he has gotten my trick cos he called yesterday and said "Before you start,let me quickly tell you about my challenges." LOL. I just wish I could give them the whole world cos it breaks my heart anytime I cant give them more than their monthly allowance.It will definitely get better jare

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Delete
  11. In my part of the world, lots of parents see their children as investments towards a comfortable retirement and the grand plan is to 'send them to school so that they can get good jobs and take care of us in future'. Personally I believe a truly successful retirement is having enough to live the rest of your years in comfort even after having settled the children (inheritance et all). I also believe in the commandment that says to honour the parents, and finance goes a long way in obeying that commandment.
    The balance for me is a scenario where my parents do not need me to survive and yet have me doing my bit to make sure that they do more than just survive. The modalities might be a bit different for everyone, but the principle remains the same. In the end, you can't really claim to love if you do not give and it is only a cheapskate that is quick to answer that giving doesn't have to be monetary...Yes we know! we know all the various forms of giving available to mankind, but money is controversial enough that your attitude towards the giving of it goes a long way to show just how much you value the ones you claim to love. You don't have to give extravagant sums or shower them with luxurious gifts. If there's any one case where the 'act' itself matters more than the literal 'value', then this for me is it.
    And for those moments when you genuinely do not have to give...well....after money, love must be the next commodity that answereth almost all things.

    ReplyDelete

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