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Second Wife. To Be Or Not To Be.

That moment when you finish typing a bomb-ass post and you click publish but it disappears 😩😳😢. 

I'm like, why God? What did I do to deserve this? Don't I do good? Don't I obey your commandments? Dont I treat my neighbour's right? Don't I love you? Why don't you love me? 


It's not funny sha. Writing is not easy and when you actually settle down to write, in a way I haven't written in a long while, the kind of writing that comes from a rare moment of sheer inspiration, and it just vanishes, it burns. 

In any case I decided to post something because I haven't posted in a while. I don't have any power to write anything else. So let me ask you something that's been on my mind. 

Where do you stand on being a second wife? So say for instance, lady is in her early 30s, fellow is in his early 50s. Married with grown kids. Rich. Apparently Mrs 1 knows about plans to marrying a Mrs 2 and seems to accept it. Lady will live in her own apartment and have her own things. Would lady be happy? Can she ever really be accepted by Wife number 1? Is it possible that they eventually get along (I've heard of some co-wives who are quite close and chummy with each other. One particular wealthy igbo family comes to mind. They seem to love each other and each other's kids and I wonder if this is really possible)? Lady has been dating him for some time and might love him and wouldn't mind being his wife. Perhaps because she believes that's it's more honorable to be a wife than a mistress. Or because she wants a family and doesn't necessarily believe that having her "own" husband would make her happier considering the state of most marriages today. Her family would not be ecstatic but they would accept her choice if that's what she wants. What does she stand or lose or stand to gain? Religion is not a factor here so please your opinions should not be based on that. 

So second wife, to be or not to be? The lady may be or may not be me. 😝



  1. i don't have a blog, so i'm not sure how it works, but i would assume if you are typing anything long (beyond a paragraph or two), it might be worthwhile typing it on a saved document, e.g. MS Word or Notes in iOS, and then copying and pasting it into the blog when ur done - just an idea...

    1. Don't mind me Ada_ugo I should know better. Everytime this happens I remind myself to first type in my notepad before pasting on blogger but I eventually type on blogger and hope for the best. Lol.

  2. Tricky one and thus is heavily dependent on the outlook of the person involved. Personally, I believe that it is impossible to truly love or have a thriving relationship between a man and two or more wives. Chrisyinks

  3. My dear,whatever decisions we make,let's be sure it's the kind that will make us sleep well at night...

    1. Exactly, polygamy in Nigeria is not child's play o, I've witnessed it right, left and center and I can say it's not a very nice situation to be in but I've also seen very few cases of exemptions that appears good so I guess at the end of the day, what matters is to have peace, if it doesn't look good from the outside, don't try it!!!

  4. Just like a normal marriage there are no guarantees in a polygamy setting. It might work and it might not work.
    Obviously the chances of it not working are more. In Nigeria its even worse because people will get diabolical. People will smile in your face and then jazz your kids. Everything will look fine but your daughter might never find a husband, your sons might never live past 40years, kids can go astray, barren daughters etc. Its not childs play.

    So if love is doing the mistress. Or should I say if money is doing the mistress. She can proceed but prepare her mind for possible consequences.


  5. The first wife knowing and seemingly accepting it was exactly the situation in at least two cases I happen to know of firsthand. The heart of man is deep and can be desperately scheming (I paraphrase). Turns out appearances of peace can be deceptive and more dangerous than open conflict.
    If the second lady decides to 'be', then nothing should be taken at face value. Love and be at peace, but keep your guard up nonetheless.
    Personally, I wouldn't. I'm very particular about the emotional, moral and every kind of foundation/stability I want my children's lives to be built on. Polygamy no matter how flowery it is wrapped, just threatens that in so many ways.

  6. In my opinion if one isn't 'strong and ready', then the person has no business dabbling polygamy. Accepted or not by first wife.
    But can there really be peace in the hearts of people polygamous marriages/ family?


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