I am so confused right now, I'm supposed to be married in November but I'm seriously beginning to have doubts. Let me first lay a foundation. I met Tolu last October, he asked me out until I finally accepted in January. He had told me from day 1 that what he wants is not a relationship but marriage, he had been married before but they had no children. Shortly after the marriage he started dating a lady who got pregnant for him. He wanted to marry her but due to certain issues from her family, they both decided not to marry, but to co-parent. One of the things that attrcated me to him is how active he is in his son's life. The boy is barely 2 years right now. I liked Tolu because of how focus and ambitious he is, and also because unlike many men, he really wanted to settle down and he was serious. In February he already came to meet my parents and became close to them, as per doing some son in law duties. He always treats me well, supports my business and shows me a lot of love. There was no formal proposal but it was agreed by both families that we would wed this November and we have started planning, venue paid for, dress and caterers.
Now my nightmare is that last month one lady came from no where with a two month old baby and she said Tolu is the father. In fact, when you look at the baby you will know that he is the father. He said they had a one night stand late last year and haven't spoken to each other since then. Initially he resisted it and demanded a paternity test which came out positive as expected. The girl says she doesn't want relationship/marriage but needs him to come and take responsibility and help raise the child, and he has agreed to it. Mind you, he's also taking care of his 2 year old and paying the mom 120k allowance every month, besides the boy's creche fees and other needs, and now this new baby.
I know they had sexual relations before we started dating so I'm not holding that against him. But the issue is that am I ready to start my marital life like this? With 2 babies from 2 babymama's under the age of 2. His children will spend at least 2 weekends each in our home (if we marry) every month and both girls now have access to him whenever they want. I love him and I know that he loves me very much but I am so lost right now about what to do. My parents are silent, they are not happy but I think because of how wonderful he has been, they are reluctant to tell me to call everything off.
Another issue is that they are both very young, one 23 and the other 25, I'm 31 and it's making me feel somehow insecure. I don't want to be married and be feeling inadequate, especially when these two young girls are going to inevitably have private times with him.
Please your advise is needed, should I call things off and move ahead with my life or should I carry my cross and marry him, if it's God's plan? Thank you.