Today marks exactly 3 months since the night he left. Probably the most confusing 3 months of my life. Confusing considering we woke up together that morning and it was perfect and we kissed and loved and I made his coffee and we kissed goodbye, to see later in the day. Well later in the day when I called he wouldn't answer and then I kept calling and when he did answer, it was not on purpose and there was a girl with him, and they were obviously in a hotel room as I heard a land phone ring, then I heard them laugh and I heard her talk and I heard him laugh and then the line cut off. My mind was torn in a thousand shards, I couldn't make sense of it. Everything was great, just that morning we were great, we'd just spoken an hour or two before and...
And then I sent a message to ask who that was and where he was and he said "I'm sorry but I'd rather not be with you tonight" and that was it. How 2 years and 3 months of the most beautiful love story came crashing down like a stack of cards.
It's been a wonder to everyone around me, my family, my friends and foes alike, even to me too, how I've kept it all together. Me especially, because you see I'd always thought I would lose it if that ever happened. But I didn't. I'm doing great. Wonderfully so. Oh don't get me wrong, I lost my best friend in the whole wide world and that hurts, it cuts beyond the bone. I remember my first major event job after the breakup. It was a purely victorious moment for me afterwards, but as I rode back home in the Uber that evening my head dropped into my palms and I cried tears. Lord I cried in a way I've never cried before. The tears burnt. The Uber driver was too shocked to ask so he didn't, he just drove me home in silence, something I was grateful for. I cried, unashamedly, uncontrollably, it would have been one moment I'd have been on the phone with him telling him all about it. But he wasn't there, my lover, my best friend, my everything, had gone like smoke.
Some days it's fucking hard, some days, I get by, on other days, thankfully I do just great.
So how did I get over what was one of the most painful experiences I've encountered? A few days after he left a thought came to me; people have gone through worse. Women, married for several years to men they love, men they have children with, have had those men walk out on them and leave them for someone else. And they survived. My case wasn't even remotely that serious, so why shouldn't I get on?
I learnt he got a new girlfriend about a week after we broke up, she was probably in the picture all along. And that also somehow helped me heal. Ironically that should have broken me down further but it didn't. I chose to look at it a different way (#Perspective); why would I allow myself remain in such misery when baby boy had a new squeeze he was already creating magical moments with? It wasn't easy but this made me push myself out of the dark zone.
I also had to allow myself see other men. You know, really see them, appreciate them, be open to possibilities. For those 2 years I was faithful and loyal to a fault. There's nothing wrong with loyalty whatsoever, I'd just been loyal to the wrong person. And now, I didn't want to be with anyone else, but the one I wanted to be with was with someone else, so I had to teach myself to accept that there's some good in other men too. No, it doesn't mean I started dating, I'm still as single as I was the day he walked out but I had to push myself to relearn to entertain male attention and affection.
I poured my energy and attention into my business. For too long my relationship had been my comfort zone and now that fate had forced me out of that comfort zone, I decided to pour the passion I had for the man into my business. As we all know, there's nothing as priceless as turning passion into profit. Basically, I converted all that energy into productivity. This also helped take my mind off my hurt.
I forgave him. I wasn't perfect in that relationship, I did my best to be a good woman to him and for him, and I strongly believe that I was, but I wasn't perfect in that relationship. Still nobody is and I was mad at hell for having my best friend toss me to the wind without a second thought. But if I was going to heal, if I was going to move forward, then I was going to have to forgive him. This was the most difficult part considering that he hadn't asked for forgiveness or even believed that he had done me any wrong. So I had to apologise to myself on his behalf 😟, accept that same apology, and say I forgive you, for someone who didn't care to be forgiven. It may seem silly but forgiving helped me let go of most of the pain and resentment, and helped me heal.
I did not listen to love songs. Listening to sappy love songs is simply suicidal when you're heartbroken. It's very very very tempting but don't do it. Do not do it. LOL.
I avoided his social media. Stalking your ex on social media is almost impossible not to do, but I knew that I was trying to manage my pain, not worsen it. So I avoided his social media and all reminders of him and chose instead to use that time to work, to volunteer to serve, to read, to research, to do chores et al, and this helped me forget him faster. I also focused on other people's problems and ways to help them. Really, heartily helping others makes you forget that you have problems of your own.
I kept and keep the faith, that what's coming is greater than what's gone.
So how did I get over it when the man I loved tossed my heart off a cliff? Well these tips particularly helped.
If your heart is broken, know that you're not alone. You will be fine, I promise. 😘😘😘