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How To Get Over It When The Man You Love Suddenly Throws Your Heart Off a Cliff.






Today marks exactly 3 months since the night he left. Probably the most confusing 3 months of my life. Confusing considering we woke up together that morning and it was perfect and we kissed and loved and I made his coffee and we kissed goodbye, to see later in the day. Well later in the day when I called he wouldn't answer and then I kept calling and when he did answer, it was not on purpose and there was a girl with him, and they were obviously in a hotel room as I heard a land phone ring, then I heard them laugh and I heard her talk and I heard him laugh and then the line cut off. My mind was torn in a thousand shards, I couldn't make sense of it. Everything was great, just that morning we were great, we'd just spoken an hour or two before and... 
     And then I sent a message to ask who that was and where he was and he said "I'm sorry but I'd rather not be with you tonight" and that was it. How 2 years and 3 months of the most beautiful love story came crashing down like a stack of cards. 

    It's been a wonder to everyone around me, my family, my friends and foes alike, even to me too, how I've kept it all together. Me especially, because you see I'd always thought I would lose it if that ever happened. But I didn't. I'm doing great. Wonderfully so. Oh don't get me wrong, I lost my best friend in the whole wide world and that hurts, it cuts beyond the bone. I remember my first major event job after the breakup. It was a purely victorious moment for me afterwards, but as I rode back home in the Uber that evening  my head dropped into my palms and I cried tears. Lord I cried in a way I've never cried before. The tears burnt. The Uber driver was too shocked to ask so he didn't, he just drove me home in silence, something I was grateful for. I cried, unashamedly, uncontrollably, it would have been one moment I'd have been on the phone with him telling him all about it. But he wasn't there, my lover, my best friend, my everything, had gone like smoke. 

Some days it's fucking hard, some days, I get by, on other days, thankfully I do just great. 

So how did I get over what was one of the most painful experiences I've encountered? A few days after he left a thought came to me; people have gone through worse. Women, married for several years to men they love, men they have children with, have had those men walk out on them and leave them for someone else. And they survived. My case wasn't even remotely that serious, so why shouldn't I get on? 

I learnt he got a new girlfriend about a week after we broke up, she was probably in the picture all along. And that also somehow helped me heal. Ironically that should have broken me down further but it didn't. I chose to look at it a different way (#Perspective); why would I allow myself remain in such misery when baby boy had a new squeeze he was already creating magical moments with? It wasn't easy but this made me push myself out of the dark zone. 

I also had to allow myself see other men. You know, really see them, appreciate them, be open to possibilities. For those 2 years I was faithful and loyal to a fault. There's nothing wrong with loyalty whatsoever, I'd just been loyal to the wrong person. And now, I didn't want to be with anyone else, but the one I wanted to be with was with someone else, so I had to teach myself to accept that there's some good in other men too. No, it doesn't mean I started dating, I'm still as single as I was the day he walked out but I had to push myself to relearn to entertain male attention and affection. 

I poured my energy and attention into my business. For too long my relationship had been my comfort zone and now that fate had forced me out of that comfort zone, I decided to pour the passion I had for the man into my business. As we all know, there's nothing as priceless as turning passion into profit. Basically, I converted all that energy into productivity. This also helped take my mind off my hurt. 

I forgave him. I wasn't perfect in that relationship, I did my best to be a good woman to him and for him, and I strongly believe that I was, but I wasn't perfect in that relationship. Still nobody is and I was mad at hell for having my best friend toss me to the wind without a second thought. But if I was going to heal, if I was going to move forward, then I was going to have to forgive him. This was the most difficult part considering that he hadn't asked for forgiveness or even believed that he had done me any wrong. So I had to apologise to myself on his behalf 😟, accept that same apology, and say I forgive you, for someone who didn't care to be forgiven. It may seem silly but forgiving helped me let go of most of the pain and resentment, and helped me heal. 

I did not listen to love songs. Listening to sappy love songs is simply suicidal when you're heartbroken. It's very very very tempting but don't do it. Do not do it. LOL. 

I avoided his social media. Stalking your ex on social media is almost impossible not to do, but I knew that I was trying to manage my pain, not worsen it. So I avoided his social media and all reminders of him and chose instead to use that time to work, to volunteer to serve, to read, to research, to do chores et al, and this helped me forget him faster. I also focused on other people's problems and ways to help them. Really, heartily helping others makes you forget that you have problems of your own. 

I kept and keep the faith, that what's coming is greater than what's gone. 

So how did I get over it when the man I loved tossed my heart off a cliff? Well these tips particularly helped. 

If your heart is broken, know that you're not alone. You will be fine, I promise. 😘😘😘





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Comments

  1. Thank you for this

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow. I admire your courage thelma. Just got out of a relationship too. I was the one who ended it in this case. I just couldn't keep holding on to a relationship that wasn't going anywhere. it was painful tho, a very tough decision because he's a great guy. Even my parents knew about him, which is the first time i would ever tell them about my boyfriend. He hasn't spoken to me since the day i broke it off. He didn't pick my call to even properly end the relationship. So i had to end it via text. He didn't even acknowledge the message. I called after that day, he didn't pick up. Even sent him a message on whatsapp, he came online at that moment. Read the message and didn't reply. But its all good. I'm going to take my time before getting into another relationship. I still don't know everything i want in a relationship, but i know what i don't want. And i'll keep waiting till that amazing guy God has for me finds me. Sorry about the long reply.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love the long reply. I write most times to encourage others to share.

      Delete
  3. Wow! I'm so sorry you went through this. It is well. I firmly believe in the Bible saying "All things work together for good for them that love God and are called according to His purpose". The person God has set aside for you is on his way. I firmly believe this. Thank God for all the other victories in your life. You really have a courageous heart!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Glad to know you are doing well Thelma. Chrisyinks

    ReplyDelete
  5. As you journey through life, at some point you will get heartbroken by the one you loved deeply...
    You will watch the friendship crumble...
    Your loyalty will be thrown in your face...
    Hurtful words will fly around...
    You will fight to keep the ball rolling...
    You won't see it coming and it'll tear you apart...
    You will wake up crying and go to sleep in tears...
    It's okay to sit around and cry but not for too long...
    Pick yourself up...
    Allow the pain to birth something beautiful...
    Genuinely forgive and close that chapter...
    In the midst of it all, you must never forget that life is too beautiful...
    and most importantly that Jesus loves you...
    Your parents love you...
    Your siblings love you...
    Your friends love you...
    Your acquaintances respect you...
    You matter and your purpose matters...


    ❤️❤️❤️

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thats it?! Or did you leave out some part?
    This is an easy break up. A lil bit too easy for him.
    Do you think if you had tried to hold on to him things might have worked out. Ofcourse it wont be easy.
    Maybe if you did some crazy shit like show up at his house the next morning and demand an explanation. And then show up the next morning again. And the next. And the next.

    See..sometimes men act like babies. Sometimes we dont know what we want. Sometimes the girlfriend has the remind a nigga why she is the boss lady for him. Thats fact. Like I always say - The bad ass bitches always get what the want.

    Back in the days I broke up with one babe and she looked me straight in the face and said 'no'. Mehn thats how I was stuck in the relationship for a while. She was a sweet girl anyways.

    Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol....talk about being held against your wishes. Chrisyinks

      Delete
    2. hehehheheehe, the babe is solid. I like her guts...

      Delete
    3. Thelma baby, you will be fine. Have always known you to be a strong woman. Kudos.

      Delete
  7. Awww, glad to know you are doing better. heartbreaks are a bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  8. As you journey through life, at some point you will get heartbroken by the one you loved deeply...
    You will watch the friendship crumble...
    Your loyalty will be thrown in your face...
    Hurtful words will fly around...
    You will fight to keep the ball rolling...
    You won't see it coming and it'll tear you apart...
    You will wake up crying and go to sleep in tears...
    It's okay to sit around and cry but not for too long...
    Pick yourself up...
    Allow the pain to birth something beautiful...
    Genuinely forgive and close that chapter...
    In the midst of it all, you must never forget that life is too beautiful...
    and most importantly that Jesus loves you...
    Your parents love you...
    Your siblings love you...
    Your friends love you...
    Your acquaintances respect you...
    You matter and your purpose matters...


    ❤️❤️❤️

    ReplyDelete
  9. One day at a time, that is what i told myself when my best friend tossed me to the wind with a miserable text message. Oh i cried,i have never loved anyone like i loved him. All the walls i built up came crashing down in a second and i couldnt do anything about it. I couldnt forgive him at first but then the burden was too much to bear,so i had to forgive him countless times. I had to delete him off all my SM not because i was pained but because i wanted to heal and if his activities kept popping up on my TL i wont heal. It was hard but i took each day at a time. It is difficult to open up fully again but i am learning to trust the process. One day at a time Thelma, you will be fine. Go through the whole process it helps.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Awww...You are strong Thelma,I repeat very strong....#forcenothing TNHW

    ReplyDelete
  11. Just like that? Ouch! I fear this kind of break up. How does one get closure?
    I'm sorry for your pain. Your post has been helpful though. Warm hugs and kisses from me.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Sending lots of warm hugs and kisses your way.

    ReplyDelete
  13. My dear, I am sending you a big hug!. I am glad you finally had the courage to bare your heart. This will help you heal!. I was truly rooting for you guys. Any man that can turn his back on a committed loving relationship like that, is one you should be glad to be rid off. They are never easy to marry. A grown ass man who does not have the decency to break things up maturedly. My dear, you deserve better. I have been heartbroken before, it's never easy. But this shall pass. You have an incredible life and your star will continue to shine. On a lighter mood, So you were playing ten ten with him!. When u were lady mermaid, you told us, when u started enjoying, you just lock-up. It's not good oh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "when u started enjoying, you just lock-up. It's not good oh."
      My dear you are not allowed to talk when your mouth is full. it's called bed manners

      Delete
    2. Shinning star and Bloggitup you girls will not kill me πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Delete
    3. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ bloggitup

      Delete
  14. Presently going through something similar but in this case I had to do the walking away for my sanity sake.What hurts most is that is that it I had a 4yrs break from relationships before getting into this one.Thought I was making a good choice but just a little over a yr & I'm tired of making excuses for a full grown man & all the drama involved.
    Relationships are becoming harder these days but "this too shall pass" & life goes on..

    ReplyDelete
  15. That's how I was always breaking up with my then boo. Any lil argument, I'll say "It's over between us" and he will beg,buy me gifts,call me a thousand times in a day just to make me change my mind. Oh I was balling, we would later make up.
    I broke up with him like 5 times. Then I did this last one and bro didn't call me back o. One week,two weeks,omo I quickly told my sister to to call him and ask if I was with him pretending she hasn't heard from me and my numbers were switched off. That's when Bro told my sister I had broken up with him and he was done playing the fool that it was really over this time. He even made my sister promise not to tell me he spoke to her cos he didn't want to upset me since I was not in love with him. I almost grabbed the phone from my sister to plead with him that I was only joking.I later called him but it was too late cos he had played the fool one too many times and I took advantage of that. He even apologized for all the times he held on to the relationship when I desperately wanted out(my people, I WAS ONLY JOKING those times o). That was August 2015.He is married now and I miss him still.

    ReplyDelete
  16. That's how I was always breaking up with my then boo. Any lil argument, I'll say "It's over between us" and he will beg,buy me gifts,call me a thousand times in a day just to make me change my mind. Oh I was balling, we would later make up.
    I broke up with him like 5 times. Then I did this last one and bro didn't call me back o. One week,two weeks,omo I quickly told my sister to to call him and ask if I was with him pretending she hasn't heard from me and my numbers were switched off. That's when Bro told my sister I had broken up with him and he was done playing the fool that it was really over this time. He even made my sister promise not to tell me he spoke to her cos he didn't want to upset me since I was not in love with him. I almost grabbed the phone from my sister to plead with him that I was only joking.I later called him but it was too late cos he had played the fool one too many times and I took advantage of that. He even apologized for all the times he held on to the relationship when I desperately wanted out(my people, I WAS ONLY JOKING those times o). That was August 2015.He is married now and I miss him still.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahaahhaa!
      Funny.

      Peace

      Delete
    2. Ha! See expensive joke o! Anyway I'm sure you won't play that kind of play again.

      Delete
    3. Kinda reminds me of one that played out with one of my sister's friends. Babe called boyfriend on April Fool's day pranking him that she wants to break up with him. Guy didn't get the undertone that it was a prank and was glad she wanted to break up with him. He further went along saying that he also was tired of the relationship and found a new flame. My people, na so, babe use her own hand and mouth hasten her break up. Chrisyinks

      Delete
    4. wow@Bloggitup...
      lol@Chrisyinks

      Delete
  17. I love ur courage Thelma, going through heartbreak is worse than malaria,from personal experience, I just hope for the best.

    ReplyDelete
  18. "So I had to apologise to myself on his behalf 😟, accept that same apology, and say I forgive you" - PROFOUND!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I like this post, mostly didn't look like the typical heartbreak story, you don't even need the awws, sorries and eeyahs, you're fine already. You're a strong woman!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gbolahan you so get it. All the aaws and sorries are making me question my writing skills, like maybe I didn't convey the message properly. I really am fine already.

      Delete
    2. That's how I'm here wondering why pple are saying sorry u will be fine, strong woman, etc, etc! U pple are meant to be sharing ur own heartbreak stories, me I would have shared mine but it's been too long I can't even remember it. When I break up with someone, I delete their existence so...
      I've so moved on, married n happy with myself cos that's what matters!

      Delete
  20. I am always the one to end the relationship. My two serious relationships were killed by me. I wonder why i have to be the one. The break up with my first ever guy was tough, a 7year rlship, and i just ended it like that, my case was like that of the first commenter, he refused picking calls or seeing me, after much preaching from all a sundry on our perfect we were as a couple, i went back to him after 3months, dated for 2weeks but it was not working, had to walk out again n never looked back. He is still so mad at me but am happy he is seeing someone now.
    I am seeing someone too but i dont think i made the right choice. We should be getting married mid next year.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Good a thing you're strong! Thankfully i can't even remember what any breakup feels like. My last serious breakup was well over 10years ago and since then, if i notice my relationship is getting 'shaky', i just prepare myself and gently allow it to drift apart. Thank God for growth!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Going through all the post I missed while offline and this one struck me. I'm glad you're fine already and I'm glad you chose to share with us. It's comforting to know that certain trials have been overcome by others...knowing that this too shall pass for you.
    Last year I was in love. I knew a break up was inevitable as love just wasn't enough but I guess I still hoped for a miracle. Travelled out of Lagos December and he chose that period to begin to act funny. Came back in January and felt like a stalker...next I know a new girl is in the picture and dude is talking of proposing to her (clearly she had been in the picture all along). Even had the audacity to beg that I attend his wedding....as if!
    Everyday is a struggle to not stalk his social media page... Having never felt this way about anybody, it's confusing and heartbreaking to say the least..

    Thank you for sharing Thelma. Lemme go back to my catch-up on posts missed.

    ReplyDelete

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