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If I'm So Amazing Then Why Do They Leave?











So I didn't think much of this chat because the sender is a non-factor but then driving through traffic later in the morning and having time to think random thoughts, it occurred to me that this is yet another ex that has come to say I'm sorry I hurt you you're an amazing person. I hope I don't come off sounding conceited because I don't intend to, but I don't think I've got an ex who didn't come back later to tell me how wonderful/amazing/beautiful/fantastic/good-hearted I am. Of course at that point it doesn't matter as there's already water under the bridge, so they all just want me to know they're "sorry" and I'm "amazing".

This one for instance has been calling my friends for months, telling them he needs to talk to me, that he did me wrong even though I was near perfect and did nothing to deserve that kind of treatment, says he just needs to apologize.

I've heard this all before. In fact if I got paid everytime an ex told me this my bank account would be so much juicier than it currently is.

Like, most come with the I'm sorry I hurt you, you're really a very wonderful person you didn't deserve it. But a few others go a bit farther with "I honestly wish I'd married you instead". 

But my question is; if I'm so wonderful/amazing/beautiful/fantastic/good-hearted then why do they leave?

Let's have fun with your theories this isn't a serious post so don't hold back, your theory can be your honest opinion, a crazy theory, your observation or just a thought. 

And if you can truly relate to this then please share your experience with us. 


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Comments

  1. Dear Thelma,

    It all just means that you are a lovely person. It also means that your skill when it comes to holding a man down is not so strong. You need to work on this (See me for classes) What these men are saying is "Thelma, why didnt you hold me down? Deep down I wanted to stay"

    I have said before that sometimes men are like babies and they dont know what they really want. They want vanilla chocolate but cant stop think of what red velvet would taste like.

    Maybe you let them go too easily. I dont know.

    Peace

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm. Interesting. I know I let go easily sha. Confirmed it one time like that that one babe who "stole" my boyfriend said but if he is your man why didn't you fight for him when you noticed me flirting with him. 😭😭😭

      Delete
    2. Yes men can be babies but guess what? "YOU CAN'T HOLD A MAN DOWN"

      Delete
    3. Just like the sender of this message. What led to our break up; I learnt exactly 3 weeks to his wedding that he was getting married and wifey was 8 months pregnant. They had had their introduction and his phone had congratulatory messages. Please how do you hold this one down? LOL.

      Delete
    4. lol @ Kon's theory. Bigger lol @ the babe's statement in Thelma's response.

      I think it's because appearance is always more enticing than substance. The bible proves it and life generally proves it also. In making important decisions, people have to decide what to factor, else they risk being 'enticed' by appearance. Chrisyinks

      Delete
    5. I almost agreed with Kon until I saw the reason you let this one go, maybe you've just not met the right one, sorry don't mean much these days btw.

      Delete
    6. @Thelma such a wawu, 8 months pregnant. I think it'll just be easier to say men are scum but I've met some good guys. I just can't fathom why anybody will be this heartless. Some weeks back, I overheard a conversation in which a GIRL was giving a guy tips on how to get a girl and dump her later. The things that happen in this world ehn.
      Meanwhile I need help guys, I want to meet new people and make new friends in real life but I don't know how to go about it

      Delete
    7. @ Iyanuoluwa if I say lets have a TTB meet and greet now you people will not show up. Uyi was my only sure banker and now he has absconded 😰. Well I'm also on that journey of meeting more people so I'm
      1. Accepting more invites
      2. Honouring the invitations
      3. Smiling more
      4. Being bolder about approaching people and striking conversations
      5. Re-connecting with old friends
      6. Being more "out there" on social media (instagram; leaving comments in comment sections, but you're free to slide into DMs LOL)
      7. Going out more often.

      I'm sure there's a lot more I can do, and so can you. Best wishes 😍

      Delete
    8. @Tee, Uyi was your only sure banker abi? kontinu

      Delete
    9. I was about to say same ohh, Thelma we are watching you in 5D.

      Delete
    10. One word,they don't deserve you.. Kon,I don't agree with you,it might work for some guys but trust me,you can't hold some men down..

      Delete
    11. Tiwa and Maybel, don't even know how I could have said that. I deserve a knock on the head. Lol. Yes you two have been very dependable sure bankers jare, even with baby Leon πŸ˜πŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒ. Meanwhile please you people should add me back on the whatsapp group, I haff stop vexing πŸ™ˆπŸ˜­πŸ˜‚.

      Delete
    12. Thelma thanks a lot. Your tips are very helpful. I don't know how to smile in public tho, I'm too socially awkwardπŸ™ˆ. Also I was at the last ttb meet and greet and would definitely attend anotherπŸ˜„

      Delete
  2. Seconded on the holding down thing, you cant just let the good men go that easily without trying your best to make it work

    ReplyDelete
  3. like in my case, it could be spiritual if 95% of the time, they leave. You may want to pray about it. And when I say spiritual, i dont just mean the nollywood kind youre thinking of. But it could be a 100 other types of 'spiritual' reasons. Aint no such thing as holding a man down. Girls that are experts at 'holding' men down nko? And these men went ahead and married other chics who did not even do half as much holding down?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Maybe they were all too blind at the time to notice what was obvious. But how possible is that sef???

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thelma my own theory is that your own man has not come, when he comes he is the one that will fight to hold you down not the other way round. I smiled when your ex said you're amazing, I saw it all. That cannot be said for many people, God is just preparing a very special man for you sis.

    ReplyDelete
  6. prayer is not only for jobs and breakthrough. also pray before entering relationships (no matter how casual) so you will not be wasting useful emotional (and other) currencies.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Nwando, let me not presume to know you, but from reading this blog, I guess I can say a few things. You are a gorgeous girl who has a good heart, You do not want to be tamed or controlled. You like to do things on your own terms. That is a huge problem for the average Nigerian man. I love the fact that you are unapologetic about your reasoning, but you have to apply more wisdom to this men. Firstly, when angry, don't get too emotional, everyone has a temper but you have to learn how to control it. Nigerian men love control, the trick is making the man feel that he is in control. Sadly we have to bend our self's to fit the idea of a Nigerian wife. The men don't leave because you aren't so great, I just think its the idea that I can't tame this one. Be wise my dear, always act like he is in control and easy on the temper. I hope you won't be angry at me, it seems like I am assessing your character even though I have never met you. I am coming from a good place and I just might be wrong.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL I've always known I love you. Like now I love how you started by listing my good qualities before you started to tell me the hard truths. Oshey you're a good woman πŸ˜˜πŸ˜ƒ

      Delete
    2. I love you too girl!. And as Chimamanda will say, Jisike!.

      Delete
  8. They say 'you do not know the value of what you have until you lose it'. I have been in this situation many times when men who left me or cheated on me come back later to talk about how I'm a very amazing person and I have come to the conclusion that these men do not deserve me infact they never did and they never will.
    You will meet someone that would know your worth right from the start and they would value you for who you are. You do not have to "hold any man down" you are a queen and any man that sees royalty and doesn't recognize it from the beginning isn't even worthy to be in your presence (this is what I tell myself sha).

    ReplyDelete
  9. I personally do not believe in holding a man/woman down. That someone you dated is a good person does not necessarily mean that he/she is for you.

    @Kon, "They want vanilla chocolate but cant stop think of what red velvet would taste like". There will always be some other cake out there so the decision to stick to vanilla cake can only be made by the man. It all depends on your end game. If the end game is just for a wedding, you can hold the man down till you get the ring, but if the end game is to have a good marriage then you have your answer.

    I will go with Ada Ugo, to "pray before entering relationships (no matter how casual) so you will not be wasting useful emotional (and other) currencies". Be specific in asking God to send your own husband, the one he tailored for you. We all have flaws but there is a good man out there that can live with our flaws, that is the man you should ask God to bring your way.

    @shinning star, I get where you are coming from, but there are also men out there that don't want a woman they can "tame" or control. However I believe that as individuals we should continuously work on our flaws to be better human being. J

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Indeed we are all work in progress, however, its important that we are always true to ourselves.

      Delete
  10. I might not have any view on this but one thing is sure...no one can hold anyone down. Ask Toke!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I want to believe you have not met your own man yet. Which one is holding down again? There are some men that are best had as exes he the man with the 8 months pregnant side chick.
    Also, if you know deep down inside you that you have personal issues to work on (as we all have). You can work on it.
    From experience, when you meet your life partner.. It's all effortless.. No need to try hard.
    Keep on being a good person and keep on being You. everything good will come.

    Gift

    ReplyDelete
  12. I think it is them not knowing what they wanted and they ended up taking you for granted.

    ReplyDelete
  13. There are several factors that can cause this. I think this is one of them.
    It is possible that they didn't really know themselves, they didn't know what really mattered and most likely they thought in the short term, now they are older, more experienced and wiser and they realise what they really need.

    Another girl.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Rolls eyes at the chat above. Iranu! You were better, you are better, you would always be better than that, n when Better comes, the broken roads that led to him wouldn't matter.
    Still rolling my eyes at d Nna up there btw (what are u meant to do with this 'apology'?) Oshisco Plc!

    ReplyDelete
  15. The way I see it, anyone that callously lets a relationship go, only to come ranting like the mister above is certainly good riddance to bad rubbish. If you're not discerning enough to realize the true value of a person when you still have them, then you definitely are not worth having them for keeps.
    Possible reasons why people leave amazing partners?
    1. They are confused and do not know what they want for sure.
    2. They know this person is amazing but are more interested in their selfish interests and so pick.whatever or whoever seems to further advance their ambitions over boo's many Sterling attributes.
    3. As amazing as boo is, he/she just may not be the perfect fit for them e.g I'd pick and buy a blackberry phone any day, yet I can deny that samsung and other android phones offer so much more. Some of us are weird like that)
    Speaking about the latter, in my past relationships, I've ALWAYS been the one to leave and while I've dated a douchebag or two, I certainly also dated a couple of really great and loveable guys. One of them is married now (with my blessingsπŸ™ƒ) and some still single, yet it didn't feel right. I left knowing they'd make some other girl really happy/lucky but that girl wasn't me and so I couldn't in good conscience continue what I knew was leading nowhere. I guess leaving was my way of at least keeping the hurt to a minimal for us all. In a case or two though, I could sense the emotional withdrawal that sometimes precedes a breakup, and what I did was cut to the chase on behalf of the oga in question. Which makes me now think Kon is on to something about it sometimes being a case of not fighting hard enough to keep that man.
    I strongly believe that love and strength of character alone is not always enough. Other external factors sometimes come into play. If you must leave however, be upfront about it. Do not play games or string the other party along in deceit until a windstorm occurs and even the ostrich is at the same risk as the fowl. That is when it becomes all wrong for me.
    If I am so amazing, then the very least I deserve is honesty. Anyone that doesn't give me that much has no business dishing out unsolicited apologies.

    When I talk or type, I tend to go overboard, and people wonder why I am mostly so silent. E ma binu! 🀐

    ReplyDelete

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