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3 Reasons Why I Won't Mentor You.

Asking someone to mentor you is sometimes frightening to a would-be mentor.

Mentoring is very mentally expensive. It requires letting another person into your personal space.

Some people aren't comfortable with that. Some lead very private lives.

Some have problems of their own that they might not be comfortable letting the public know.

If they were to let this stranger in under the guise of mentorship, would she know how to comport herself?

How would she handle the level of confidence she has been promoted to?

How would she handle the sensitive information that she would now have access to?

Would she try to promote herself and become overfamiliar?

Would she chase my husband (if she's a woman)?

Does she have a hidden agenda to get sexually intimate (if it's a man)?

Would she go running her mouth and 'screenshotting' our conversations just to impress friends about her closeness to me?

Is she going to turn me into a dumping ground for her problems?

Is she entitled?

Does she have sense?

So many unknowns.

Beneath the smiles and handshakes, your would-be mentors think these thoughts.

It is up to you to 'read' their minds and answer the unspoken in your actions.

Make your case attractive to a mentor.

Mentors want to know you'll be a fertile ground for their emotional investment.

Don't be a burden or a lazy learner. Don't ask the same thing 10 times. By all means research the topic first so you can ask better quality questions.

Nobody is your daddy here.

Be a profitable servant, like the one who was given 5 talents and after diligent trading, earned 5 more.

Don't be entitled, spoiled, selfish, unteachable, easily offended and foolish.

You'll get nothing, learn nothing.

"Like a snow-cooled drink at harvest time is a trustworthy messenger to the one who sends him; he refreshes the spirit of his master." - Prov 25:13


I found this on John Obidi's instagram page (@johnobidi) and I think it's worth sharing. If you've ever approached someone to mentor you and they seemed reluctant, or you intend to approach someone to be your mentor, this gives you a glimpse into their minds. I can relate because I've been at both ends of the spectrum. 

I have a few mentees in secondary school but besides them, when younger ladies ask me to mentor them I always turn it down for these reasons
-Now isn't the right time. I'm still a work in progress and I will turn you down if I don't think you can benefit much from me. 
-I'm a bit wary of letting people into my personal space.
-Many don't know why they want a mentor. So if you seem like you don't even know who you are or where you want to go, then I cannot help you. It's so much easier to push someone who is walking than it is to drag someone who's lying down. The latter would most likely pull you back and nobody needs that. 

I've also approached a few people to mentor me and for those who haven't leapt at the "opportunity", this post gives me better understanding. 

I hope you found it helpful? 

Some people don't believe in mentorship. Where do you stand on this? Do you consider it a waste of time or a necessity for ones growth, and sometimes, success? Let's talk about it. 

Ps the title is click bait, this post is not about me. 


  1. I'm too much of joker to mentor anybody at this time.

  2. I don't believe in mentorship. Although, I did try it once to get a much needed reference.

    I tend to live an independent life and love being fully responsible for my decisions and choices. I reckon the easiest way to disrespect a mentor is to ignore their well-intentioned choices for me. As a mentor, naaa, what have I accomplished in life to fill those big shoes? However, I do love sharing my opinion or piece of advice on dilemmas though.

    That said, I've seen mentorship work a lot for others. I guess to each his own. Chrisyinks

  3. I don't even think I can be mentored because at the end of the day, I do what pleases me, either right or wrong, I don't even understand how the system works.

  4. Mentorship really works for alot of reasons, but a mentee needs to first be sure what they are looking for.
    Naturally boundaries must be defined.

    Very useful post

  5. Lovely post. Pls how do u answer d question? 'what do u consider ur greatest achievement in life and why?' or better still pls give me an example with urs? Thank u

    1. So I had the same question posed to me when I was interviewing for a job recently. My answer and what I reckon is a good answer is a scenario when you volunteered for a noble cause, and the accomplishments you racked - the life you touched/changed. Why so? Because that is a scenario when you didn't do something for yourself but for others. So recount a situation when you worked for your community, or did something altruistic and don't forget to include the results of such volunteering.

      Otherwise, answer with something typically considered difficult in the job, role or industry you are interviewing for. Take for instance, if you are applying to an accounting position, relate how the ICAN exam is tough and how people (your friends and associates) had failed, but you decided to take upon the challenge knowing the benefits of such a certification to any company you'd work for, hence you studied, and did all the necessaries and to everyone's suprise, you aced it. And how you are looking forward to using the competencies the certification equips you to improve your company's bottom-line.

      I reckon with this question, you can either show much of the non-professional side of you (the first suggestion) or keep it professional and relevant to the role you are interviewing for (the second suggestion). Your decision should be based on the 'feel' of the interviewing panel. Chrisyinks


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