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My Two Besties Are About To Wed, But There Is a "But".





Kelechi and Ijay are two of my closest friends. KC is my best childhood friend up until he left nigeria after secondary school and I met Ijay in university and we've been tight ever since. KC moved back to Nigeria in 2012 and got a job in Abuja and he's been there since then. Last year Ijay and I took a girls trip with our other girlfriends to Abuja and she and KC met for the first time and they really hit it off. It was clear that KC was smitten and Ijay liked him too. After we came back to Lagos they continued to talk on the phone and weeks later Ijay told me that they had decided to start a relationship and KC confirmed it. Ever since then they see each other at least once every month, either she goes to abuja or he comes to Lagos. KC confided in me that he wants to propose to her on Christmas day and has charged me with the job of planning a surprise wedding proposal. He said he will send me the money I need once I've come up with a good plan. He has told his family and everybody agrees that Easter 2018 will be perfect for the trad and hopefully a June white wedding thereafter. 

I love Ijay, I'm actually closer to her than my own sisters, I should be over the moon because I know that she wants to settle down ASAP, but I'm not because things are not exactly how KC thinks that they are. You see, Ijay loves KC but she's not exactly a "virtuous woman". She has never exactly been faithful to KC, I know that she's slept with a couple of other guys during the course of their relationship, a few times she has made me lie to him for her, which I had to do because she's my friend. She also doesn't consider runs as cheating because she says it's purely transactional, so when she sleeps with an older guy for money or some benefit, it does not count as her being unfaithful. I have talked to her severally because KC is such a good guy, he worships her like kilode, and he doesn't deserve it. But I have always minded my own business until now that KC told me he wants to marry her and asked me to plan the proposal. Now I don't know what to do. My boyfriend says I should come clean with KC (for many reasons I cannot even start to mention) I'm tempted to because I love KC a lot, not only is he my oldest friend, he's also one of my closest friends and has been there for me through thick and thin. But I also love Ijay, she truly has a good heart and is my best friend. She's the first daughter in her family and the pressure has been a lot on her for many years now and she's 31. But most importantly, I know that she loves him with her whole heart. Confused is an understatement right now, what would you do if you're me? 

Comments

  1. Pls do not tell KC. You said Ijay is a good person with a good heart? Leave it that way.
    Posterity will not forgive you if you're the one that breaks up their relationship.
    Just pray that KC finds out for himself the kind of lady he's about to get married to (he may still be willing to give her a chance) and if he doesn't, let's pray Ijay changes after marriage.

    I don't want to judge but my main concern with people like Ijay is... When a woman is used to sleeping around for monetary gains, what's the assurance she'll stop after marriage? Marriage has its ups and downs... In times of financial hardship in the marriage, will she be able to resist?
    Pls mind your business.

    Gift.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is easy.
    If KC is your friend then snitch on Ijay.
    Ijay is a hoe (sorry)
    Ill never allow my main friend to marry a hoe. Atleast Ill do my part of letting him know, if he wants to proceed thats his decision.

    If fear is catching you then drop anonymous clues for the guy.

    Imagine if she continues her hoe business after marriage.

    Peace

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lol, Thelma, you know whats doing you in your mind. I don't need to tell you. the worst type of lie to tell is the one you tell yourself, I would have wanted to know if I was the guy, but life is not fair and its not in your place to tell, for all you know the KC guy must have cheated too, infact, as a guy that he is, i can swear he has cheated. your last paragraph says she loves him a lot. abeg go and plan your surprise proposal and let them marry.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Replies
    1. It's not your place to tell KC, for men it's bro's before hoes, why can't you ladies do the same? Can you swear KC has never cheated on her? Omg! You are even asking? Discussing her secrets with your boyfriend? You are not her friend, please go and review the meaning of the word. Yes, I said it.

      Delete
  5. Let the sleeping dog please. And ooh I am about to judge u girl, so you told your Bf about your bestfriend "not so clean" personal life huh? I see you both have nothing to talk about then madam goody goody snitch on her friend. Mtcheew am outa here please. ppl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly, it's just so upsetting that she would discuss such about her friend to her bf and still want to discuss it with Kc!

      How does it make you look, really?

      Not cool girl. Not cool.

      I thought I'd be over this post by now but clearly, I am still upset..lol

      Fina

      Delete
  6. Is Ijay stopping her waka or planning on stopping? Otherwise she’s digging the grave of her marriage with her hands and her tools, even before the marriage.
    You will have to decide on what to do from the conscience of your heart, but sitting down with Ijay and having that conversation is a good idea whether KC is in the picture or not.

    ReplyDelete
  7. PLEASE, MIND YOUR BUSINESS!!! You might be shocked to know that there is a possibility KC has an idea of Ijay's lascivious ways and still decides to go ahead. Now, if you find out he knows, what next?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God bless you for this, Eazee E.

      Fina

      Delete
  8. This is the type of situation, you truly cannot say do this or do that except you're the person directly involved. Just pray he gets to know by himself but then you'll now be in trouble with kc cos he'll be hurt you never told him. Dicey dicey.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mind your business please!

    And while at it, focus that energy on how you'd get your own man who is by the way advising you to tell Kc to propose to your miss-goody-two-shoes-sorry-ass!

    I'm sure you and that man of yours have been dating for a while now and he is yet to find you virtuous enough to propose to so, you see? Who your 'virtuous-ness' help?

    Instead of asking Ijay how she did it, you wanna ruin it for her just cos to you, she isn't a virtuous woman. Who are you to judge her please?

    Thank God you ain't God. He found her virtuous enough to want to wife her so, go deal with your jealousy and envy cos no be she do you.

    Don't get me angry this morning please.

    Fina

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haba ogini????. No be fight na. LMAO

      Delete
    2. IMO I will suggest you let everything play out itself. Just like Wale said, sit Ijay down and talk to her like a friend/sister and not as a judge. I am sure, if she has a good head on her shoulders, she will reason with you and try as much as possible to drop dem vices. BTW most girls drop dem vices once they have been proposed to; i'm talking from experience though it may not be same for everyone. Good luck babes!

      Delete
    3. I be placed in a bewilderment. There I were..resting and thinking I had the foulest mouth in the room.

      Delete
    4. First of all, this post is not about me. Ask your salty self if I would write about my best friends' business on my blog; surprise proposal, indiscretions and all. Sometimes, think first.

      Delete
    5. Hmm Fina. It seems like you behave like Ijay in real life o else I can't see why you'd be so affected by this.

      Loool

      Thelma Pls Pay her no attention. Smh


      Gift

      Delete
    6. Dear Gift,

      Here I am, thinking of what to say to you but decided against it cos really, there's just nothing I've got to say to you.

      That you sin differently from Ijay doesn't make you any better and No, I am not like Ijay and not being like her doesn't make me better than she is.

      If you read well, you'd know I wasn't referring to Thelma cos somehow, I knew it couldn't be Thelma.

      Fina

      Delete
    7. Fina you need help oooo!!!! This your pepper body on top somebody actually trying to decide what the right thing is to do! Hian! What kind of a person are you! You would obviously condone this kind of nonsense! See how pained you are! On top another person matter! If you’re like ijay you better change your ways! And stop attacking those you think are “judging” you!
      Give your opinion and waka pass! But no! You have to take it personal and reveal the kind of person you re in the process. I just tire! Mstchewwww๐Ÿ˜’

      Delete
  10. Thelma, if my friend knew that my boyfriend was having "extra curricular activities"behind my back and didn't tell me about it, I may forgive her but I don't think i'll be able to trust her again. Its situations like this that we see in a relationship and still decide to go ahead with the marriage. Its someone like I.J that may get pregnant for one of those sugar daddies and pin it on KC. Talk to I.J, tell her to either come clean to KC or you will and tell her to not even think about pretending to have told him the truth because you'll ask him. If she refuses to tell KC, tell him yourself. The worst that will happen is that they may hate you as the bearer of the bad news, but if they're really both good people like you say, they'll forgive you because at the end of the day, you meant no harm to either of them. Let KC be aware of the "real" woman he's getting married to and if he still decides to go ahead with the marriage, plan the proposal/wedding, collect your money, chop belleful, clean mouth and go on with your life. If truly I.J feels like there's nothing wrong with "transactional sex", then she shouldn't hesitate to tell KC about her "waka". I know you'll say its not your business, but what if I.J was your blood sister or KC your blood brother? Would you really turn a blind eye to it? And if you do, will you be happy with yourself? If KC is truly your friend, tell him about it and leave them to sort out the rest. I have a very long epistle to type, but let me just stop here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you jare! I would really love to read the epistle ๐Ÿ˜

      Delete
  11. I want to believe this 'confused poster' isn't Thelma hence, my first comment cos Thelma strikes me as one who would mind her business if faced with a situation as this as this concerns just Kc and Ijay. No one else.

    Out of anger, I didn't even bother checking to know who wrote it before making my comment.

    Still upset sef..lol

    Fina

    ReplyDelete
  12. I think you should just look the other way and plan the proposal. She is your best friend you wouldn't want to hurt her by ruining her relationship. 'when the wind blows the bottom of the fowl will be exposed" so he will surely find out one day and it doesn't have to be through you. Plus are you very sure he wasn't cheating on her as well?

    ReplyDelete
  13. ...and if you wanted to be a good friend to KC, you should have stopped her all the while she was doing runs and sleeping around in her spare time. and you most certainly would never have lied to KC on her behalf. So to whom your allegiance lies is already quite clear.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Unfortunately it's too late to say anything now. Ijah deserves a chance to build a happy family with KC. We can only hope she drops the bad habit after marriage. If she does not it's all on her.

    As a friend the only thing i'll do is to have a heart to heart chat with her. I'll advice her to start the next stage of her life on a clean slate. I'll also make it clear that i'm done with taking part in covering up for her if she chooses to continue with this lifestyle after marriage.

    Now let's assume she continues in the future and KC finds out, you can look him in the eye and tell him that it was not your place to say anything and you would have done exactly the same thing if the reverse was the case. J

    ReplyDelete
  15. In some cases minding your business would be OK, in other cases though, not advisable. But this is a peculiar situation; you love them both. Try your very best to convince Ijay to call off the whole thing, pressure or not. Her unfaithfulness isn't fair on KC and she needs to understand that. If she insists, make her think you'll tell KC but whatever happens don't let him know about it. I hope this helps.

    Stay blessed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ''Try your very best to convince Ijay to call off the whole thing, pressure or not''..This part, I do not get.

      You mean she should convince Ijay to call off the wedding like you know all that Kc does in private?

      she should call it off just cos she isn't the poster(I still do not want to believe Thelma is the person here)'s definition of virtuous woman?

      How well does she know Kc? Cos Ijay made her business known to the poster now gives the poster the right to judge her?

      Clearly, her allegiance lies with Kc hence, her wanting to tell Kc about it when it just isn't her business!

      Except you've got another husband waiting somewhere for Ijay then, you've got no business telling Kc nothing. How hard can minding one's business be?

      In no way do I condone what Ijay does but come on people, you guys should stop commenting all holy and righteous on this blog. Yes, we all have got morals but please, when using one's head(sense) is required, just use it and don't come and start typing like you're one God sitting on the throne, looking down and judging its subjects.

      This is simple. MIND. YOUR. BUSINESS.

      Fina

      Delete
    2. It's pretty obvious Thelma isn't the Poster, but you are free to believe whatever you like.

      That said, Poster has made it clear that KC and Ijay are VERY good pals of hers. In any normal situation it'll be OK to mind her business but these are 2 people she cares deeply about. I don't even know why it's sounding terrible that she discussed this with her boyfriend; she might as well have decided not to ask us for advice, no?

      Lastly, please check up the meaning of "judging" before you go on a meaningless rant next time. No normal humanbeing would want to watch a GOOD FRIEND hurting someone or getting hurt in a relationship. If you can see your FRIEND or FAMILY towing that path and do nothing, then Mazel tov.

      Delete
  16. It depends on your perception of the moral standards of your friends.

    Personally, for my dealings with most of my friends, I'd mandate Ijay to inform Kc about her deeds on her terms, else I divulge what I know. Chrisyinks.

    ReplyDelete
  17. People with sense have finally started reading this blog. I can tell from the comments. Back in the day all commenters here were ass kissers. While I was an ambassador of freeing the sheeple

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you went about your “free the sheeple” in the most uncouth way possible ๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ˜’

      What are you even on about?!

      You wie sha be alright last last

      Delete
  18. I think the poster had all the time to warm KC before the love got stronger.

    Its a tough one, focus on talking ti Ijay to stop her runs.

    Cos KC may have had his side chics as well.

    As they enter a new chapter, they need to take their vows seriously.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Ohhhh Thelma you’ve grown.... so proud of you : loving your new layout ❤️❤️❤️

    ReplyDelete
  20. IMO the poster should have talked to Ijay in the beginning. I had an experience in secondary school in boarding house where we discussed about a friend of ours having a bad character and I felt so touched and went behind all their backs and told the friend. At the end it all backfired on my head.
    So with this experience I think if she tells KC it might backfire. In the sense that KC would confront IJay and most likely he would mention your name and I can tell you that she would turn the tables and maybe say you are envious or stuff like that. I think the best thing to be done is to talk to IJay and tell her KC is like your brother, you people have been from way back even before you met her. Ask her about the relationship and that does she see herself getting married to KC then gradually introduce her so called runs. Tell her that you know KC and he does not like stuff like that and sees it as cheating. Tell her it's better if she stops in the best interest of their relationship, if not you would spill to KC and the reason you've not done so is because you both are close too. This would make her likely do two things; one she tries to stop or two she goes all defensive and tries to ascertain her relationship with KC in which she tells him at his emotional state if he truly likes her for all she is. After all this petting and washing head she then goes on to say she even wants to give you space that you've been behaving somehow of recent. This would then make KC curious and of course he would come meet you. Just smile and say nothing to the runs, just say something like my friend likes party o. Which is not harmful. At the end your friend would become messy in her runs game because she has become jittery. Thinking you want to sabotage her relationship.

    P.S this is just my opinion. And like my mum says what do I know.

    ReplyDelete
  21. My own is the level of moral decadence! How and when did runz become simply transactional and unfaithfulness become defendable.

    I simply cannot rationalize some comments here. Some even taking it personal. Aren’t you upset that a grown woman who is suppose to be in a faithful relationship is still sleeping around and the poor guy in the triangle is unaware and is about to commit himself to her.
    And one is even being downright petty and rude! As if she’s the ijay in the story. The friend is obviously torn between being loyal to her friend or doing the right thing. Which is telling KC the kind of wife he is about to marry.(IMO) If he can deal with it fine.... if not....
    Meanwhile what’s wrong in telling your boyfriend stuff?! What if she and her boyfriend are that close and they talk about any and everything?! I didn’t even know that was wrong too!

    Omo mehn! Someone needs to school me on what is right and what is wrong these days. I feel like I’m living in an “alternate universe”.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ijay is wrong of course but I'm not going to feign righteous indignation like I've never heard of it or like I KNOW for those criticizing her are paragons of virtuousness. Everyone has bad habits and things they aren't proud of but they hide it. I Jay's story is out there, that's why those worse than her can point arthritic fingers at her own indiscretions.

      Delete
    2. Hi Tamia!๐Ÿ‘‹
      Herein lies the problem! You think because I(or any other person) think ijay is wrong... I’m(we’re)being self righteous and feeling like paragons of virtousness as you do beautifully put it ๐Ÿ˜‚

      Understand this! No one is perfect! And no sin is greater than the other. We all have our imperfections and we are all sinners.
      But that does not mean we are above reprimand or caution!
      Would I refuse or reject correction because I think the other person is imperfect when it is clear that it is for my own good?! Help me understand it please.
      I might not be doing runz but I’m not perfect and I get called out on my imperfections by people that care. Should I tell them to not show “righteous indignation”, shut up and “not judge” simply because I know they are also not perfect?!
      Oro yin Ko kuku ye yan mo!


      Delete
  22. The moment I started reading this story I knew it wasn't Thelma. But Thelma please when next you are posting write ups like this indicate od it's your story or not. The good thing that came out of it though is that you now truly know how people feel about you if they can use things you wrote on this blog about your personal life to yab you.

    Sebi we used to think Alfarsi was horrible.

    Poster please mind your business finish.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I wouldn't be so quick to tell the guy if I were poster. Like some have said, a real no holds talk with ijay is a good place to start. If she truly loves him, she should be willing to work on being a better version of herself. Make her see how its a win win situation. If however that achieves nothing, try convincing the guy to hold on with the proposal and be sure she's really the best match for him before proceeding. Some mysteries unravel themselves given a little time.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Lol. When ur friends with a couple,it's hard to pick who you wild be most loyal to. In this case,ur best bet wild be to stay neutral. Whether she changes for the better or gets worse off after marriage really isn't anyone's business or problem...

    ReplyDelete

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