I used to have serious beef in my heart for couples that say, I married my soul mate. I never believed in soul mates, I just thought it was too much love worrying people, until i met the YING to my YANG and i missed him by a hairs breath and got married to another person.
I have a wonderful marriage, we may not have hot passion, but we love each other like comfortable old PJ's and we protect each other. People think my marriage is perfect, but the truth is, i sometimes wonder what could have been.
Stay with me people, this gist is loaded.
I was called to Bar in November 2009, My mum took me out the Sunday after , for a celebratory lunch. I was already engaged. Marriage is in January 2010.
This guy comes in and smiles at us, we smile back. He is nice looking and looks like a tall glass of coke. He sees us leaving, he rushes out, like he is leaving too, my mum's driver has not come back from an errand. He was supposed to go pick up stuff for mummy and come back for us.
He offers to drop us off, our house is not too far. My Mum smiles and we enter the car.
We just have a general discussion, he is funny.......And he laughed from deep within his stomach, I also noticed that he would close his eyes when he laughed, i thought that was the cutest thing ever.
He collects my mum's number" He wants to be able to call her and greet her once in a while".
Two weeks before my wedding, my spirit was so restless, I was too afraid to ask my Mama, if he called. I tell my Fiancé that i want us to shift the wedding........The guy almost died. Everyone called me and asked what the problem was?, I said nothing. I recanted and we got married in January.
I became depressed, because i did not live my life, i just did what was expected of me. I had a long distant marriage; i was not willing to relocate yet, till i got another job.
I travel to America in February 2010, and my mum just jokingly says, Luke (Not real Name) called, he asked after you. I did ask my mum if she told him, i was married, she says no. She tells him when i am coming back and he begs to pick me up at the airport. I don't know what my mum was thinking, she allows him.
He picks me up. I am not wearing my wedding band because, i am depressed, struggling with the idea that i am married. We go to Sheraton, Ikeja and hang out by the pool. We talk from 4pm to 10pm. He felt like a long lost friend. I did not want this emotional cheating to end, so i don't talk about my marital status. Luke strikes me as a very intelligent guy, nothing trips me better that a smart bloke. He is one of the best in his field in Nigeria. I do not know this then.
Apparently this guy is very intuitive, he gets me.......and i get where he is coming from too. He asks "where have you been all my life"........I melt foolishly. He has to travel to Malaysia for work, He is gone for two weeks, we talk everyday......He has been married before, he has a six year old daughter. He tells me things that are really personal and i open up to him too.
He comes back from Malaysia, i pick him from the airport and we go back to faithful old Sheraton, We hang out by the pool till 12 midnight, He then says "Lets get married the weekend after Easter......Something in me dies and i knew i had to tell him that i was married. He is devastated, he said he called my mum just once and he was too shy to collect my number, he always felt he would see me again. He tried to stalk me on Facebook, but yours truly was not on Facebook. I broke down and started to cry......I felt so so empty. We share a kiss and i drive home. I was heart broken, i felt i had lost something that was never really mine. This was a weird situation, I knew that i would never have married a divorcé with a child in a million years, but with Luke, it did not seem like a big deal. I was in love with this gorgeous man who is not my husband.
I called my best friend and i tell her everything, she tells me i am a fool, that Luke is a play boy and a mirage. She was afraid for me, that i would have sex with Luke and i would never be able to forgive myself. She kept reminding me, of how calm, stable and decent my hubby is. I told her i liked being foolish. I have always been the good girl, the good example in my family, but i have never felt so alive as i did with Luke. We never got under the sheets but i so wanted him. He was fire, and i was ready to burn with him.
Luke and I thought about eloping to London. My Husband felt i was emotionally distant, he came to Lagos and he thought i was unhappy because i did not want to relocate, he offered to relocate to Lagos to make me happy, he said " I am the luckiest guy in the world because you are my wife". I felt so bad and remembered all the vows of marriage. That's when i had a brain reset. I could never embarrass my family like that, My husband did not also deserve to be treated like that. I knew i was in love with this Luke and i guess he felt the same way, I was on the pathway to adultery, but it felt so good and so right but we had to stop!. Luke is a devout Catholic, he goes for Mass every day, He had told me he confessed to his Priest and he was told that another man's wife is the road to hell!. We ended every form of communication, i deleted all his numbers. Fortunately, I got the job in my Hubby’s place of abode and i relocated to be with my hubby in October..
So my hubby and i have settled into our marriage, We have children and we are happy. I still think of Luke fondly, He is married now and also very successful. He calls me in a blue moon and we catch up. Luke tells me that i am one regret that he has. He felt he should have stepped up and asked my mum for my number, when we met in November 2010. I laugh and i tell him that there is a reason for everything. I am where God wants me to be, besides my family is everything to me and i will never play with fire again.
Soul mates are never convenient. The Stars will never align for you. You literally have to fight for that love. Recently, a dear friend, who is from Enugu State, called me and said, she met this awesome fella from Kogi State, Igbira to be precise. They met in their Masters Class in the UK. I see them and i know that they are meant to be together, but Catholic Enugu and Muslim Igbira will NEVER work. She will never go against her family. Her Dad is a Knight in the Catholic Church, So there is an unwritten law in her house that she must marry from their faith. I feel for her because i have been there. That's the cruel joke of soul mates. You will never find your soul mate in a convenient setting, they never come gift wrapped, he most likely will never be from your village, or both of you will come from different faith. It is always complicated. Sadly, Love rarely triumphs against family pressure or religion.
Now that i am older and wiser, i do realise that whilst it is a blessing to be with your soul mate.....It is not a guaranteed recipe for a long lasting committed relationship/marriage. Any marriage can happy and satisfying. You just have to put in the work. For those people brave enough to damn everything and be with their soul mates, i envy you.
Written by an anonymous blog reader. Please do send in your submissions. We've all got stories, share yours with us.