About a month ago some youngens moved into the house beside ours. The structures are the same so I know it's a 6 bedroom duplex and I think between 4 to 6 friends had decided to rent the house. I think they might be yahoo boys, at least that's what everybody says. The oldest cannot be more than 25, they all drive SUVs, have bushy beards, wear shredded jeans and sleeveless shirts.... They don't have white collar jobs. I'd have thought that they're struggling musicians because most afternoons they sit out in their compound and listen to Nigerian music that nobody has ever heard before, blaring from their car speakers and nodding their heads analytically while drinking hard liquor and smoking joints or cigarettes. My sister and I occasionally hide behind our curtains and peep at them. I think we're intrigued.
Everyday there's a different batch of young girls walking though their gates although they all look the same. They're all skinny, around the ages of 18 to 21, they have thickly drawn on eye brows with poorly fixed false lashes and multiple body piercings.
So last night after "my boyfriend" dropped me off at home I immediately took a bath and went to bed. Unfortunately everytime I was about to drift off to sleep a shrill scream would pierce through my windows and I'd be forced to wake up. My yahoo neighbours were having a party and the girls were overly excited.
They were playing music but the girls screams and laughter were so loud that it even drowned out the music. Each time I tried to ignore it, the scream got louder. I sat up in bed and clutched my head. A few minutes later everywhere had gone quiet and I thanked God, they must have called it a night.
I snuggled back under my duvet and started to fantasize about myself and bae on a beach house in Mauritius, I was slowly easing back into sleep when a cacophony of noise jolted me back to consciousness.
This time the girls all together were singing, nay, scream-singing "I'll make love to you, like you want me to and I'll hold you tight....", they paused intermittently to burst into laughter and then the singing would continue.
In a rage I flew off my bed and slid my feet into slippers. I went downstairs, opened my gate, went to theirs and with my both fists started pounding hard. A few minutes later the gate flew open and my eyes were met with the hairy bare chest and four packs of a dark-skin young man. I stood, confused for a few seconds, mesmerized by all that hair.
"Yeah?" He said gruffly, jolting me back to the present and forcing my eyes away from his chest to his face.
"Look, you guys need to tone it down, this is a residential neightbourhood. Y'all are constituting a nuisance" I said, almost pleadingly.
"Errr, but that church at the back makes even more noise on Sunday mornings and Friday nights and Tuesday night's and every fuckin night of the week, and I'm sure you've never gone to tell them to stop being a nuisance" he accused.
I certainly didn't see that one coming.
"Look, just tone it down, I've got kids at home, they're sleeping. I'm trying to sleep. There's work tomorrow".
Before he could respond someone else joined him at the gate asking who I was. The man was a taller, older version of the boy I was talking too. Same broad chest, same scraggy beard, same chocolate brown skin.
Now, I was mesmerized.
"I'm a neighbour, and the noise from this house is killing us!" I told him.
"Well it's my son's birthday and they're celebrating. Young people..." He trailed off, as though that explained everything.
"I understand sir, but I need to sleep" I was pleading again.
"Alright, I'll talk to them. I'm leaving here soon myself, their noise is driving me crazy too" he said in a confiding tone. By then the young guy had left his dad to deal with me.
I thanked him and made to go back to my house when he called me back.
"Before I do though, come inside and have a drink" he flashed me the most perfect smile ever. It may have been the darkness but this daddy looked like Idris Elba in my eyes.
I couldn't believe that I didn't argue with him, I followed him like a lamb, as if he had hypnotized me. I stayed in a corner while he went to fill a glass with ice and asked me my preferred poison. I told him vodka, he poured a few splashes of sprite and handed it to me.
I leaned against the wall and he stood facing me but I noticed he wasn't looking at my face. He was looking at my nipples!
It was then I realized that in my fit of rage I'd left my house in my night shirt which barely covered my bum and had no bra underneath it.
I sighed in resignation and decided to relax...
Turns out his daddy is 50, is not and has never been married and never intends to but has three kids, all male. He rented this house for his son who moved in with his friends, he says he's a "business man" but wouldn't explain further.
Some 45 minutes later I told him I needed to go home. He asked for my number and then asked if I will be his girlfriend.
I laughed and laughed and laughed.
I'm still laughing.
Daddy is sexy AF in a rugged Idris Elba kinda way but nahhhh mehn, daddy looks like he singlehandedly wrote the book on yoruba-demonry! I've put my hand into too much fire this 2017, I cannot continue to play with fire or one of these days I just might get really badly burnt!