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He's 40 And Unmarried? He Must Be Mentally Unstable!

A while back I read a post by Nkem Ndem on Bella Naija and its comments got me quite excited albeit in a mildly perverted way. 

Nkem says her mother has been putting her under a lot of pressure for years, to settle down and give her a grand daughter. And this time around Nkem told her Mum of this single 50 year old man who's likely interested in her. Her mother immediately rebuked the man, his presence in her daughter's life and the possibility of a marriage. She said; "he must be a terrible person to still be single at 50!"

The comment section tickled me, I confess. Many females agreed with her mother and several submitted that in fact any man who's 40 and still single must have a lot that's wrong with him. Many even went as far as to write about their experiences with men of almost 40 and above and how they should be avoided with a 90 feet pole.

Some comments from the post:

-Your mum is very right…. older unmarried men (never being married) are usually mentally unstable beings.
       -this is very correct and I speak from Experience
if he hasnt been married at all then he is mentally unstable. #gbam

-Well, every society judges with all the above scenarios you mentioned. But I would be wary dating a man above 40 who has never been married before. More often than not, there is a serious coma about him.

-I know this would sound very backwards and I’m not known to think like this but I think her mum has a point somewhere, now I am speaking out of experience, I met a 40-year old man (never been married, no kids either) early on in my twenties, on paper he seemed to tick my boxes (at that age) but I realized very early that he was mentally unstable, no jokes, this man had an obsessive behavior and a weird disposition…but he was/is a very powerful career individual that is very smart. I still ran for my dear life, I love my sanity plix. So 80/100 times a man at that age that has never been married or had kids usually have some issues.

-Any man who isn’t married at 40 is either not serious, a serial cheat and skirt chaser, a confused fool, or too attached to his mum’s apron. Please don’t even mention 50. Haba! That’s way too old. I’d rather stay single. Nkem your mum is right… Too many question marks as to why he is still unmarried at that age…. You come near me with that age, I go just dey waka go

-met a guy in his late 30’s who is unmarried. I picked interest in him only to realise that he has a lot of issues beyond human comprehension. Usually when a man is getting that old and has his own car, house and good career and is not married, from experience I wouldn’t like to end up with such person. Something serious is usually wrong somewhere.

-40 and up never been married or no baby mama is a red flag. Run dear. Those kind of guys are usually very problematic

In no time the men started to comment and they were clearly very butt-hurt. Some called the commenters myopic and hypocritical. They said these are the same women and complain that society puts pressure on women of a certain age, to marry, and now here they were doing the same thing. 

And I laughed my heart out. 

You see, while I actually don't agree that every man who's 40+ and unmarried is problematic, probably because I've had no experience to support this assertion, I had a hearty good laugh because I could see something play out before me. These men clearly felt some type of way about the post and the comments. They were so defensive in a way that I've never seen men be before. These are the same men who say if a woman is 35 and unmarried there must be something wrong with her, yet they got so pained reading the comments. Obviously if this narrative of the 40+ single man is pushed further many men would likely begin to experience this pressure to settle down. One could tell from the male comments that those that are younger certainly don't want to get to that age and be single and be looked at as freaks, and I could taste their anxiety. Anxiety that could push them to settling down whether they want to or not. 

And isn't it beautiful? While many woman have had to rush into marriage because of age or their biological clocks, or more often than not; societal pressure, now the men can get a taste of that poison too and just as well be forced to settle down. Ergo, more marriages! Hehe. Isn't that beautiful? 

Personally, I could see myself marrying a man who's between 40-50, a well-preserved man above 50 is even fine by me (please nobody should tell my mother I said this, she would die!). But I think I'd be a bit more comfortable if he's been married before. 

Do you have thoughts on this? Do you agree with the commenters above, is the 40 and never been married man a red flag? Do you also believe that if this narrative is pushed men would feel pressured too and like many women, be forced to settle down?




  1. Yea. Ill say there is a high probability that a 40 year old unmarried man has major issues. Serious red flag. The ones that are very successful are even worse.

    To the girls that think older men are better, if you see a 40 and above man that has never been married, I can bet he doesnt know how to handle a woman/relationship and you wont last 6 months with him.

    Ofcourse there are exceptions - I know one that lost the love of his life when he was around 35 and he has never been the same.


  2. I even think a 40 year-old never been married woman raises less eyebrows than a man of same age. Unless the man had been struggling for financial footing then he has some explaining to do. Lol.

    As per your last question, men have been feeling pressured to get married since forever, they are just less vocal about it and mask the felt pressure better too.

  3. My cousin is evidence that the above theory holds true. His young wife has been in and out of hospitals for HBP related issues, as a result of his many excesses.

    November has been a bit slow and unyielding. I wish it gone and done with.

  4. This is so true. I tried dating a man who was 36 at the time we met 2 years on. We're good friends but I can see why he is single though he thinks it's because he hasn't put his mind to it to make necessary arrangements towards it.
    This man is the definition of the Gemini twin (I wasn't into horoscopes) but he made me think otherwise. He switches just like that, he has a good job, from a good home, great prospects yet ...

  5. This is very true. I tried to date a man in his mid 40s and it was hell. He was very unsure of what he wanted with a weird attitude towards the relationship. I had to respect myself jeje

  6. Err.. it’s 98% true. I know someone who met a man in his forties who had never been married and had no kids, he seemed like a really good guy and we all thought she was very lucky.

    Two years into the marriage, Mr. “Very good guy” turned out to be a psychopath. He’d beat her till she passed out, dress her up and sit her in front of the TV with the remote. The guy was CRAZY! Needless to say the marriage pack up shortly after it begun.

    1. Wawu! That's a killer right there. Me i've had one bad experience with an older man and i think it scarred me for life and the funny thing is we didn't even date, just one date and i fell ill, imagine if it had gone on longer. Thank God for my life sha

    2. Huh.. 😦. And there were no signs before marriage????

    3. Wait! What?!!! And she stayed after the first time. Would have picked race after the first time. Eyan kan o le wa yi mi lori.


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