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The One Night Stand of a Neglected Married Woman.





had a one night stand. As I type this I cannot even believe it happened to me. I feel like I was outside of my body and watched someone else who looks exactly like me perform this act. 
I’m writing this so that your numerous readers can realize it can happen to anyone. The Bible says that “he that thinks he stands should take heed lest he fall”. I expect to be judged and insulted. That’s fine, but I also know someone will learn from this.
My background: I’m not an average looking woman, I’m a full fledged good looking woman. I’m quite modest too as I don’t need to do too much to bring out the slay queen in me. I knew how powerful my body is, I know how I can make men’s knees buckle by basically doing nothing. However, I made a decision to be a virgin till I got married. My husband is my one and only ever encounter with the opposite sex….Well, I guess I meant “was” my one and only ….until the one night stand.
 We got married when I was 24, he was 32. 8 years older than me, he’d been there, done that but was a good man and ready to settle when I met him. He was completely respectful of me and he did ask for sex while we were dating but after hearing me out several times , he decided to wait with me. We got married 18 months after we met. 
Our marriage is wonderful and blessed with 3 lovely children.  2 girls and a boy. We are also doing very well at our careers and life couldn’t really be better. 
Sometime in the 12th year of our marriage things started going downhill. I will summarize that we took each other for granted. This was compounded by my husband’s job taking him all over the world. And I was exhausted all the time from joggling my 10 hrs job with caring for the children alone. Whenever he returned home from his journey, I was resentful and agitated all the time. Sometime that year  I tried to log in to his Facebook account few days into his last trip and he had changed the password. Wow! When did we start changing “our passwords”. When did we start “following” all these scantily clad girls on Instagram. Too many questions to answer. I must say he made it worse by brushing off all my doubts and questions without addressing them. He said repeatedly “I would never cheat on you”, but he was being sneaky. 
Our sex lives took a hit of all these. I’ve always been more sexual than him, 3 out of 5 episodes is initiated by me. And my husband always teased me about “trying to make up for the lost years”. During the lowest point of our marriage, I even went as far as googling and reading up on sexting and attempting phone sex with him when he was away. My husband brushed me off most times during the horniest days of my cycle whenever “konji’ hit me while he was away. This was getting frustrating.  I worked out more, took care of myself more, prayed harder, attended many women conferences. I just had to do my best to be happy for my sake and the children’s 
One day, I was getting coffee and reading a good book during my “me time”. Kids were in school and I needed to maximize my time off before the chaos begins after school. I look up from my book to find this guy staring at me intently.  He walks over and tells me how beautiful I look and how he didn’t mean to be disrepectful but he just couldn’t but make these compliments. I smiled and said thank you and returned to my book. He asked if he may join me and I obliged. What’s the hurt? He can visibly see my huge wedding ring and my no-nonsense resting bitch face. He should be ready to deal with the consequences of whatever I say to him at this time. We had small talk, nothing personal. We exchanged numbers, I thought nothing of it. He left after about 30 mins and I resumed my daily activities.
My husband makes another trip. I bump into this guy again during my grocery shopping. He had said he lived about 10 miles away from us, so  how come he’s here? We say a quick hi and his hands brushed my forearm somehow. I had goose pimples.  No!!!! I’m married for Christ’s sake. Why am I having rumbling in my tummy. This second meeting was a really brief one and we had said our goodbyes before we knew it. It turns out I don’t even remember his name. I had saved it as coffee guy on my phone. 
Here’s where the down fall began. I just couldn’t stop thinking about my reaction to his touch. When hubby called that night, I started to tell him about this guy I met and how random it was to meet the same person again.. We even joked about hubby being the one that hired “coffee guy” to follow me around. Just after hubby goes off the phone, “coffee guy” calls. I’m indecisive about picking up the call or not. I do anyway. He asks what I’m doing? I say I’m in bed getting ready to sleep. He asks if I would like to make out with him. Ha!!!!! Just like that? I cut off the phone. Unfortunately, I couldn’t help but think about how different it would be to have another man, what do other penises look like? Will he last longer than my husband? Will he perform oral sex on me? I find myself musing and fantasizing about this all night. My husband and I hadn’t had sex for 4 months. Why am I so turned on? I remind myself hubby will soon be back and my urges will be calmed, if not satisfied.
Coffee guy” calls me again the next morning, I say it’s not a good time. I’m at work. But I added “the baby sitter is picking up the kids today, maybe we can have a drink tonight”. I don’t drink at all by the way. I should have nipped this in the bud from the first day. We met after work at the bar of a posh restaurant, we didn’t talk much. He didn’t even finish his glass of wine. The sexual tension was palpable. He asked if I would like to go “someplace”, I couldn’t believe the word “Yes” came from my lips. Apparently he had booked a hotel room. As soon as we entered his room, he started kissing my neck , I was vibrating so bad , foolishly telling him I’ve never done this before, he asks if he should stop but he’s not really stopping…. and the rest is history……We both came. Intensely and multiple times.
And he wanted a second round but I was back into myself at this time and weeping silently. He asked if I was alright, if he did something wrong. I told him I’m an adult and wasn’t forced into this. I wipe my tears as I’m dressing up I sight my ring on my finger. How do I undo this? What have I done? I just had a one night stand. He used protection, but how do I fix this? I tell him as I’m leaving “you will never hear from me again”. I don’t even know his real name. I block his number  then deleted it. We didn’t know each other enough to have been on each others social media. My curiosity has been satisfied. My husband is better than me in many ways. Maybe he cheated on me too, maybe he did not. 2 wrongs don’t make a right. I feel like a slut. I feel so dirty, I almost scrub myself to bleed when I get home. 
I haven’t been able to forget this experience. I hold the guilt in the vault of my heart. I cried night after night rolling on the floor asking the third party in our tri-fold cord to have mercy on me. It took me days to forgive myself. To make it worse, my husband’s libido went over the roof after he returned. The first few months were terrible for me, I couldn’t get that picture of me and coffee guy and our one night stand off my mind even while with my husband….
It’s 6 years since my one night stand. I didn’t tell my husband. I don’t plan to. I flee from appearances of evil like my life depends on it. I’ve forgiven myself finally . Our marriage got better. I worked on my reactions to my husband’s imperfections. I’m very open to him about my desires emotionally and physically, about everything…except this one thing.
If I decide to spill about a one night stand I truly regret, How will that one event erase the 16 years of memories they have of their mother being a good woman. I’m a role model to many of my daughters’ friends, and teenage group in church. 
This one secret will follow me to my grave….
 Culled  One Night Stand: Diary of A Neglected Married Woman: Written by Mrs H. For Dairyofanaijagirl.ng 
___________
So I often wonder about women that have been with only one man. Do they often get tempted to experience sexual intimacy with someone else? Just to know what it feels like, to have something to compare it with, to experience something different? Or are many of them satisfied with what they have...


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Comments

  1. "...I flee from appearances of evil like my life depends on it. I’ve forgiven myself finally . Our marriage got better...".

    This is the best part of the Post. Flee from evil, forgive yourself, work on being better. ✌

    ReplyDelete
  2. This thing called marriage though! Very serious something. Thelma I don't really think its only virgins that may or may not have the urge to sleep with other guys. Our body has a different mind of its own when it comes to things like sex(that's how I read about a man that divorced his wife because she was moaning while she was been raped). At the end of the day nobody is above mistakes, whether married or not. The problem is what you do after you've made the mistake and in this case she was immediately remorseful and did her best to make up for it. Like Memphis reiterated; flee from evil, forgive yourself and work on being better.

    ReplyDelete
  3. For someone that has been with only one man, I think the temptation is less for virgins. Reason being that you cannot really miss what you never had. ..esp if the person decided to be a virgin pre-marriage for moral reasons and not due to lack of opportunities.
    As long as the sex I have with my husband is satisfying... It has never crossed my mind to cheat. I don't have any ex to compare the sex with.

    I think there's much more to marriage than sex jare. My hubby is an extremely wonderful husband and father. He loves me and puts me and the kids first... That to me is much more important than all the orgasms in the world.
    Who sex epp.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm... I think it's different strokes for different folks. I'm not a virgin, although I'm celibate now. My boyfriend is essentially my first and only sex experience, yet I almost broke up with him about a year ago because I kept wondering about other guys. Thankfully I'm too bothered about a guy cheating on me to go ahead and cheat on a guy.
      I think what I'm saying is that even if you were a virgin before you got married, you would still have expectations... Every movie these days is infused with sex, every novel... Even if you don't indulge in these things, you mind will still build up expectations for you. One of my prayers to God is to have an amazing sex life when I'm married. Of course my mind has translated amazing to a certain sort of way and it expects to get that lol...
      The woman did well by fleeing...
      Maybe I'm naive, but I think it would have been nice to open up to the husband.. This world is very small, if the husband finds out somehow from someone else he will feel betrayed.

      Delete
    2. @ Iyanu

      Effortlessly dishing the espistles ehn? Well said. Chrisyinks

      Delete
    3. @ iyanu. I'm the poster you replied.
      I totally understand you...let me explain better.

      Of course good sex is very important in a marriage... But I've come to realize that contrary to what we read in romance novels, sex needs to be worked at.
      Of course at the beginning because I was a virgin, I had to learn what my body wanted and needed...and I can boldly say that after 5 yrs of marriage, our sex life has gotten better. The most important thing is having a partner who wants to pleasure you as much as you do him. And I strongly believe women should stop faking orgasms.. If it wasn't good say so so he can do better next time.

      You can have an awful relationship with great sex.... I think the courtship period should be geared towards ensuring compatibility and assessing the character of your spouse.

      Delete
    4. Hey baby iyanu, you couldn't have said it any better... Nice one

      Delete
  4. It was the voice. It had to be the voice. A deep voice and deep sunk eyes wld do any woman (men like Chris Hemsworth - my MCE)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You cray i swear!!! It has to be the voice..TNHW

      Delete
    2. The voice??? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Delete
  5. Hmnnnn..... I’m happy you have forgiven yourself and you’ve learnt from it... that’s very important.

    One thing I have learnt is never say never and let he that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.

    Someone told me 2 stories about 2 different women and I looked at him boldly and said I would never do that to anyone. After he left, I thought about it again and asked myself, are you really sure you can never do this if you are faced with the same situation and I went down on my knees and prayed! Asked for Mercy and strength!

    Dear Mrs, you made a mistake. sought God’s Mercy, he has forgiven you and you have forgiven yourself. You’re not a bad woman/role model. You made a mistake!

    You’ll be alright πŸ€—

    ReplyDelete
  6. This was just the devil using your weakness against you. why should the guy suddenly appear when you were honey.sweetheart it happened to me. suddenly a young man finds a married woman with kids attractive. yes dear you are beautiful but do you also realise that there are very very beautiful girls outdere that arent married. tight and fresh. i realised this and stopped myself before it wad too late.

    ReplyDelete
  7. God has forgiven you, you have forgiven yourself. You are fine, your marriage is fine, that's all that matters.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am happy you are now thriving. Everyone makes mistakes. The ability to learn and rise above them is what counts.

    ReplyDelete

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