I was chatting with my ex last week. Yes, the one that used my heart to play football earlier this year. Somehow, by some weird miracle, we actually happen to have quite a friendly relationship. Sometimes I marvel at things, like how someone with whom you once, in the not too distant past, share the most intense, intimately intense, fiery passionate relationship with, can today, somehow be simply just "somebody that you used to know".
So anyways we were talking about something and he was trying to prove to me that men could be deeply in love with someone but sleep with other people and it would in no way affect the love he has for his woman. To prove this he said "After all I was shagging *Funke when we were dating but I loved you madly, and you could have never guess that I was cheating on you".
For a few seconds I could hear the cracks in the already fragile ice I stood on.
Funke, his ex just before me, whom I knew was still hung on him, whom he always assured me was now in the past and I had absolutely nothing to worry about where she was concerned. And now, he just said, in the same way that he would say that he had oatmeal for breakfast, "after all I was shagging Funke when we were dating..."
The part that killed me the most was that I was mad but had no right to be any longer, so I couldn't even be mad properly! And even if I was mad, It was as useless and the k know because we no longer had a relationship, what we had was over, done and dusted, so my anger just hung somewhere in my head with no where to go.
I didn't express this anger, not even mildly. I immediately laughed and told him it was then okay for me to admit, or rather confess that I hadn't entirely been faithful to him either and the guilt had always weighed me down. I told him about an acquaintance of his whom he had suspected I had some underground runs with, and I told him that we had sex, but only twice.
At first he tried to act indifferent, then when he didn't succeed, he began to doubt it; "no, I don't believe you. You didn't sleep with him", and when I just laughed all he could muster was "I know it shouldn't, but it hurts. The fact that you slept with him really hurts..."
But I know he will read this post and know that I didn't actually sleep with that guy, or anyone else, and that's sucks.
I'm not even sure why we had that conversation, or why he needed to tell me that he was sleeping with Funke while still loving me "passionately", I've always believed that someone, male or female, can really love someone and easily have no strings attached, guiltless sex with someone else.
I didn't let in that I was hurt or angry, but I told him I felt very disrespected, that he was sleeping with this person whom I specifically begged him to cut off. His response was "she was the one who even felt more disrespected, because she used to be my girlfriend and now she had to do hide and seek with me while you got to be flaunted and shown off".
I wanted to tell him that that was besides the point. But what really struck me was how deeply we could love someone yet not know them at all...
Anyways, please let's talk about the things we found out about our previous relationship(s) after it had ended. I cannot be the only one who has had to deal with this shit. Share your stories with me lets stew/laugh/rant/vent together.