Skip to main content

"Sleeping With Her Didn't Make Me Love You Less"

I was chatting with my ex last week. Yes, the one that used my heart to play football earlier this year. Somehow, by some weird miracle, we actually happen to have quite a friendly relationship. Sometimes I marvel at things, like how someone with whom you once, in the not too distant past, share the most intense, intimately intense, fiery passionate relationship with, can today, somehow be simply just "somebody that you used to know".

So anyways we were talking about something and he was trying to prove to me that men could be deeply in love with someone but sleep with other people and it would in no way affect the love he has for his woman. To prove this he said "After all I was shagging *Funke when we were dating but I loved you madly, and you could have never guess that I was cheating on you". 

For a few seconds I could hear the cracks in the already fragile ice I stood on. 

Funke, his ex just before me, whom I knew was still hung on him, whom he always assured me was now in the past and I had absolutely nothing to worry about where she was concerned. And now, he just said, in the same way that he would say that he had oatmeal for breakfast, "after all I was shagging Funke when we were dating..."

The part that killed me the most was that I was mad but had no right to be any longer, so I couldn't even be mad properly! And even if I was mad, It was as useless and the k know because we no longer had a relationship, what we had was over, done and dusted, so my anger just hung somewhere in my head with no where to go.

I didn't express this anger, not even mildly. I immediately laughed and told him it was then okay for me to admit, or rather confess that I hadn't entirely been faithful to him either and the guilt had always weighed me down. I told him about an acquaintance of his whom he had suspected I had some underground runs with, and I told him that we had sex, but only twice. 

At first he tried to act indifferent, then when he didn't succeed, he began to doubt it; "no, I don't believe you. You didn't sleep with him", and when I just laughed all he could muster was "I know it shouldn't, but it hurts. The fact that you slept with him really hurts..."


But I know he will read this post and know that I didn't actually sleep with that guy, or anyone else, and that's sucks. 

I'm not even sure why we had that conversation, or why he needed to tell me that he was sleeping with Funke while still loving me "passionately", I've always believed that someone, male or female, can really love someone and easily have no strings attached, guiltless sex with someone else. 

I didn't let in that I was hurt or angry, but I told him I felt very disrespected, that he was sleeping with this person whom I specifically begged him to cut off. His response was "she was the one who even felt more disrespected, because she used to be my girlfriend and now she had to do hide and seek with me while you got to be flaunted and shown off". 


I wanted to tell him that that was besides the point. But what really struck me was how deeply we could love someone yet not know them at all...

Anyways, please let's talk about the things we found out about our previous relationship(s) after it had ended. I cannot be the only one who has had to deal with this shit. Share your stories with me lets stew/laugh/rant/vent together. 



  1. Where do you see all these numbskulls?

  2. Honestly such arrant nonsense. And he had the guts to tell you Funke was the one being disrespected. There's nothing I won't hear.

  3. Lettie: "Its possible though isn't it? Its possible that you can meet someone who is perfect for you even though you're committed to someone else."

    Evans: " I think if you're committed to somebody, you don't allow yourself to find perfection in someone else."

    Lettie: "You're just telling me what I want to hear."

    Evans: "Well, if its want you want to hear, I think you already made up your mind."

  4. Dude told me he wasn't cheating but hell I caught him cheating with not 1,2,3 but several wraps of weed.He said he quit loving weed and all the stubs I saw at the balcony were for his cousin Mohammed.
    See, I don't have any problem sharing him with a wrap of weed but why did he lie about breaking up with it and go right back to it and share my lips with it?

  5. Seems both of you still love each other, the way y'all are hurting after hearing each other out, as if the "Hurt" still belongs to you ๐Ÿ˜„

  6. That is some major disrespect,so if you guys had ended up together he would still be shagging Funke? Mehn that is BS. The important thing is he is now in the past.

  7. I don't need all these kind of negative people in my life. I had talk to my ex although I still have the contact of one of them.

    I was told after things ended with the first one that he dated one of his family friend who was once my neighbor. Although he denied it when I asked him about it.

    As for the other one let's not even go there.

  8. As in ehnn, anon you read my mind. While reading thru even before I finished, I kept asking how thelma met such specie of a "special class of confused male set". Wtff?
    Nne, delete his number biko. I can't deal.
    Just like my friend who found out her exbf was a married man(they broke up bcos of distance) , she confronted him later n he had d guts to tell her that he was trying to make a choice btw her n his wife, so he was testing btw two of them who was more loyal and homely. Learnt d guy is still philandering. Some men hv rsvp corners in hell.
    Pardon me for taking it personal. Lol

    1. I just had to lol at the story. Chrisyinks

  9. Mine was really painful. He had an ex. Who was his best friend because they were in med school together, I was so understanding. Turns out I was the side chick for three years. He didn't break up with his ex. Told her I was his school daughter.

    Anyway I was young and naive but it broke me.

    It's water under the bridge

  10. Yeah I agree with the guy even though its wrong but hey that's what most of them do,shag another and still love you, its easier for guys not to attach strings to sex than women.. Me I shaa don't have rants because I have only had one legit relationship in my 20something years on earth and I made it end.. Oopss

    1. That assertion that women get attached to sex partners is not true.

      Trust me. We have been sold that lie .
      Women are balling on dicks with no strings attached.


  11. How do you have a friendly relationship with someone that hurts you so? I genuinely want to know. Maybe, just maybe I can learn a thing or two.
    I can't even rant or vent. As much as I think I've moved on, it's still pissing to think that people who claim to 'passionately' love someone can be so full of crappy shit!

  12. Nwando, this so called cordial relationship with this ex is a No no!. This is playing with fire that will burn you. This guy shut the door on a relationship and you are letting him open it small small. This will not end well. Kindly cut him off. Mr Nwando's Ex...... Please leave this babe alone. We don't want you back. You are a wicked and callous person. Please keep to yourself and leave this babe alone. I am sure you know that Nwando is a hot chick and she is dating again. Please face your front and move on.

    1. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

    2. Totally agree.....He is bad news jare

  13. I feel it's B.S, all this talk about shagging someone while dating me and still loving me. Honestly there's no true definition of love anymore if guys can say this things boldly. And I refuse to succumb to that bs

  14. I remember writing a Dear Thelma asking what i should do with my then fiance who had an ex he was in a supposed business relationship with,well it turns out that not only were they still having sex,i ended it and he married her in less than 7 months,meanwhile we were engaged for 2 years Oo.
    i recall Uyi mentioning then to stay there that he choose me,thank God i dodged a bullet.

    P.S- He married her for her money.

  15. I found out that my ex had a lot of side chics who he was dating and having sex with , and there I was thinking I was his only gf, we are still friends but I am thankful I left him before I discovered the cheating saga.

  16. the height of disrespect. Even if i was friends with an ex that shattered my heart, saying something like that to me would earn him a space in my book of extreme hurt. that is just so annoying. meaning he never respected me before and even now. mtchewwww, ekpa

  17. When you date anyhow that's what you get.

    1. Nuisance, please comment with your name so that I can live by your exemplary dating life. But first, GTFOH.

  18. Just imagine the nonsensical example he gave! And the Funke* should be ashamed of herself and he too for his two faced, lying, cheating and deceptive self in the face of love and commitment and yet mentioning it so casually without seeking remorse.

  19. Thelma please cut off this relationship for your own well-being, its toxic. He really doesn't deserve you even as a friend,friends don't hurt their friends. What a shit ass fellow and you're allowing him eat his cake and have it. Dont be an enabler!!!

  20. Oga kindly leave Thelma alone, Men like you irk me cos you feel you can eat your cake and have it without consequences. Imagine the audacity. After lying to her and being an A grade scumbag you now say 'i loved you madly' Nansense and Buhari! Please save your love inugo, we don't want. T! I hope you can see that you dodged a bullet.

    1. Thelma doesn't seem like she wants to be left alone. She keeps indulging him. Mtcheeew. Thelma

  21. found out my boyfriend who was first my best friend had an entire relationship apart from me. i dont know how men do this because me and this boy albeit long distance were almost constantly facetiming each other even to sleep. sigh.

  22. Thelma a relationship with someone that hurt you, what for? Then he also reads ur blog and knows wassap with you relationship wise and how much you mention how he hurtu? Really Thelma? Haba, Thelma you are supposed to be way past that. Let him go, no need for friendship pls I beg u. Like seriously? I'm sincerely amazed. Nigga is just using u to feed his ego and u are obliging him. Thelma,no na. Layefa


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…


Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!


A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrรฉe comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrรฉe is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…


I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 

Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.

Uyi & Tiwa

Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancรฉ? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.