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"Sleeping With Her Didn't Make Me Love You Less"




I was chatting with my ex last week. Yes, the one that used my heart to play football earlier this year. Somehow, by some weird miracle, we actually happen to have quite a friendly relationship. Sometimes I marvel at things, like how someone with whom you once, in the not too distant past, share the most intense, intimately intense, fiery passionate relationship with, can today, somehow be simply just "somebody that you used to know".

So anyways we were talking about something and he was trying to prove to me that men could be deeply in love with someone but sleep with other people and it would in no way affect the love he has for his woman. To prove this he said "After all I was shagging *Funke when we were dating but I loved you madly, and you could have never guess that I was cheating on you". 

For a few seconds I could hear the cracks in the already fragile ice I stood on. 

Funke, his ex just before me, whom I knew was still hung on him, whom he always assured me was now in the past and I had absolutely nothing to worry about where she was concerned. And now, he just said, in the same way that he would say that he had oatmeal for breakfast, "after all I was shagging Funke when we were dating..."

The part that killed me the most was that I was mad but had no right to be any longer, so I couldn't even be mad properly! And even if I was mad, It was as useless and the k know because we no longer had a relationship, what we had was over, done and dusted, so my anger just hung somewhere in my head with no where to go.

I didn't express this anger, not even mildly. I immediately laughed and told him it was then okay for me to admit, or rather confess that I hadn't entirely been faithful to him either and the guilt had always weighed me down. I told him about an acquaintance of his whom he had suspected I had some underground runs with, and I told him that we had sex, but only twice. 

At first he tried to act indifferent, then when he didn't succeed, he began to doubt it; "no, I don't believe you. You didn't sleep with him", and when I just laughed all he could muster was "I know it shouldn't, but it hurts. The fact that you slept with him really hurts..."

Haha!

But I know he will read this post and know that I didn't actually sleep with that guy, or anyone else, and that's sucks. 

I'm not even sure why we had that conversation, or why he needed to tell me that he was sleeping with Funke while still loving me "passionately", I've always believed that someone, male or female, can really love someone and easily have no strings attached, guiltless sex with someone else. 

I didn't let in that I was hurt or angry, but I told him I felt very disrespected, that he was sleeping with this person whom I specifically begged him to cut off. His response was "she was the one who even felt more disrespected, because she used to be my girlfriend and now she had to do hide and seek with me while you got to be flaunted and shown off". 

Toh!

I wanted to tell him that that was besides the point. But what really struck me was how deeply we could love someone yet not know them at all...

Anyways, please let's talk about the things we found out about our previous relationship(s) after it had ended. I cannot be the only one who has had to deal with this shit. Share your stories with me lets stew/laugh/rant/vent together. 




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Comments

  1. Where do you see all these numbskulls?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Honestly such arrant nonsense. And he had the guts to tell you Funke was the one being disrespected. There's nothing I won't hear.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lettie: "Its possible though isn't it? Its possible that you can meet someone who is perfect for you even though you're committed to someone else."

    Evans: "No...no I think if you're committed to somebody, you don't allow yourself to find perfection in someone else."

    Lettie: "You're just telling me what I want to hear."

    Evans: "Well, if its want you want to hear, I think you already made up your mind."

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dude told me he wasn't cheating but hell I caught him cheating with not 1,2,3 but several wraps of weed.He said he quit loving weed and all the stubs I saw at the balcony were for his cousin Mohammed.
    See, I don't have any problem sharing him with a wrap of weed but why did he lie about breaking up with it and go right back to it and share my lips with it?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Seems both of you still love each other, the way y'all are hurting after hearing each other out, as if the "Hurt" still belongs to you ๐Ÿ˜„

    ReplyDelete
  6. That is some major disrespect,so if you guys had ended up together he would still be shagging Funke? Mehn that is BS. The important thing is he is now in the past.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I don't need all these kind of negative people in my life. I had talk to my ex although I still have the contact of one of them.

    I was told after things ended with the first one that he dated one of his family friend who was once my neighbor. Although he denied it when I asked him about it.

    As for the other one let's not even go there.

    ReplyDelete
  8. As in ehnn, anon you read my mind. While reading thru even before I finished, I kept asking how thelma met such specie of a "special class of confused male set". Wtff?
    Nne, delete his number biko. I can't deal.
    Just like my friend who found out her exbf was a married man(they broke up bcos of distance) , she confronted him later n he had d guts to tell her that he was trying to make a choice btw her n his wife, so he was testing btw two of them who was more loyal and homely. Learnt d guy is still philandering. Some men hv rsvp corners in hell.
    Pardon me for taking it personal. Lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just had to lol at the story. Chrisyinks

      Delete
  9. Mine was really painful. He had an ex. Who was his best friend because they were in med school together, I was so understanding. Turns out I was the side chick for three years. He didn't break up with his ex. Told her I was his school daughter.

    Anyway I was young and naive but it broke me.

    It's water under the bridge

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yeah I agree with the guy even though its wrong but hey that's what most of them do,shag another and still love you, its easier for guys not to attach strings to sex than women.. Me I shaa don't have rants because I have only had one legit relationship in my 20something years on earth and I made it end.. Oopss

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That assertion that women get attached to sex partners is not true.

      Trust me. We have been sold that lie .
      Women are balling on dicks with no strings attached.

      LOL

      Delete
  11. How do you have a friendly relationship with someone that hurts you so? I genuinely want to know. Maybe, just maybe I can learn a thing or two.
    I can't even rant or vent. As much as I think I've moved on, it's still pissing to think that people who claim to 'passionately' love someone can be so full of crappy shit!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Nwando, this so called cordial relationship with this ex is a No no!. This is playing with fire that will burn you. This guy shut the door on a relationship and you are letting him open it small small. This will not end well. Kindly cut him off. Mr Nwando's Ex...... Please leave this babe alone. We don't want you back. You are a wicked and callous person. Please keep to yourself and leave this babe alone. I am sure you know that Nwando is a hot chick and she is dating again. Please face your front and move on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

      Delete
    2. Totally agree.....He is bad news jare

      Delete
  13. I feel it's B.S, all this talk about shagging someone while dating me and still loving me. Honestly there's no true definition of love anymore if guys can say this things boldly. And I refuse to succumb to that bs

    ReplyDelete
  14. I remember writing a Dear Thelma asking what i should do with my then fiance who had an ex he was in a supposed business relationship with,well it turns out that not only were they still having sex,i ended it and he married her in less than 7 months,meanwhile we were engaged for 2 years Oo.
    i recall Uyi mentioning then to stay there that he choose me,thank God i dodged a bullet.

    P.S- He married her for her money.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I found out that my ex had a lot of side chics who he was dating and having sex with , and there I was thinking I was his only gf, we are still friends but I am thankful I left him before I discovered the cheating saga.

    ReplyDelete
  16. the height of disrespect. Even if i was friends with an ex that shattered my heart, saying something like that to me would earn him a space in my book of extreme hurt. that is just so annoying. meaning he never respected me before and even now. mtchewwww, ekpa

    ReplyDelete
  17. When you date anyhow that's what you get.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nuisance, please comment with your name so that I can live by your exemplary dating life. But first, GTFOH.

      Delete
  18. Just imagine the nonsensical example he gave! And the Funke* should be ashamed of herself and he too for his two faced, lying, cheating and deceptive self in the face of love and commitment and yet mentioning it so casually without seeking remorse.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Thelma please cut off this relationship for your own well-being, its toxic. He really doesn't deserve you even as a friend,friends don't hurt their friends. What a shit ass fellow and you're allowing him eat his cake and have it. Dont be an enabler!!!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Oga kindly leave Thelma alone, Men like you irk me cos you feel you can eat your cake and have it without consequences. Imagine the audacity. After lying to her and being an A grade scumbag you now say 'i loved you madly' Nansense and Buhari! Please save your love inugo, we don't want. T! I hope you can see that you dodged a bullet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thelma doesn't seem like she wants to be left alone. She keeps indulging him. Mtcheeew. Thelma

      Delete
  21. found out my boyfriend who was first my best friend had an entire relationship apart from me. i dont know how men do this because me and this boy albeit long distance were almost constantly facetiming each other even to sleep. sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Thelma a relationship with someone that hurt you, what for? Then he also reads ur blog and knows wassap with you relationship wise and how much you mention how he hurtu? Really Thelma? Haba, Thelma you are supposed to be way past that. Let him go, no need for friendship pls I beg u. Like seriously? I'm sincerely amazed. Nigga is just using u to feed his ego and u are obliging him. Thelma,no na. Layefa

    ReplyDelete

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