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Tuesday, 31 January 2017

Thirty One.





Thirty one. 

And no, I'm not talking about my age, I'm talking about how many days this year has had. Is it me or did this month seem more eventful and chaotic than the whole of 2016 put together.

Like, there was just so much going on in Nigeria, in the U.S, on social media, all around us... Jeez, it's been so exhausting. 


Then everything was just happening all at once. The U.S. president, Trump has singlehandedly put the whole world on edge. The man deserves an award! Buhari was fine, then ill, then dead, then alive (thanks to that insipid picture), then many Nigerians got sad because they were not happy about this. LOL. Laura Ikeji got married traditionally and people couldn't stop talking about how "classless" it all was, especially with all the millions from both sides... Guess their expectations were very high. Pro-Biafrans marching for Donald Trump. Kemi Olunloyo cannot stop trolling Nigerian celebrities, Georgina Onuoha and Angela Okorie are her latest targets but these two, unlike the victims before them, refuse to be bullied and are clapping back. Everyone seems to be washing their dirty pants in the middle of the road; hello social media! Young Nigerians are being kidnapped and nobody knows what's going on. Soldiers are battering and assaulting innocent people on the streets just because they feel like it. The exchange rate for $1 is N503. A man is tweeting about being a victim of domestic violence but the wife tweeted right back, with documentary evidence! A woman cut off the husband's penis and served it on a piping hot dish of pasta...

But moreso in our personal lives, it's like so much has already happened in just 31 days... 

My January was all kinds of weird. Jesus, I want to write about it but ayam fearing, I'm still dazed from how much is happening. I guess it's all still too soon but above all, I'm thankful. 

Let's talk about the things that happened to and around you in January. Everything! Both the things that caught your fancy on the news or social media and lets talk about it. And also the remarkable things that happened in your life in January.

Describe your January to me in just one sentence. 

Mine was shaky and uncertain at first, weird and confusing in the middle, happy and hopeful at the end. Yay me! LOL 
 


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Please Don't Pay Tithes!





Tithing has become one of the most controversial aspects of Christianity in Nigeria, and the person who seems to be singlehandedly championing this cause is Daddy Freeze. 

Sunday morning a while back, I listened to him at his workplace, Cool fm 96.9 and it seemed that Cool fm had made him the resident reverend, seeing as it was a Sunday morning and it was the slot usually reserved for sermons or pastors. Freeze adopted the booming voice of a preacher on a pulpit, and of all the many great things one could talk to Christians about on a Sunday morning, Freeze chose to talk about the scam call tithing. Nothing surprising there as Freeze has suddenly become an evangelist and his calling must be Oyedepo-bashing. The only message his ministry seems focused on is Pastors are 419ers and Yahoo boys; do not pay tithe! 

He shared with his listeners the reasons he believes that nobody should pay tithe to their pastors and suggested other ways they can spend their own money. He shared the story of one of his followers who said he was going to work one morning when a neighbor rushed out of his apartment crying that his child was ill and needed to be rushed to the hospital but he needed 30k which he didn't have. The follower also had nothing on him, so they rushed to another neighbour who admitted that he had 30k BUT that it was his tithe and he could not part with it. And so this so-called christian rather than save the life of a little child, chose to pay tithe and enrich the pocket of a thieving pastor. 

I wondered if it occured to Freeze that this neighbour just didn't want to give them the money and lied about it being his tithe. But that's all besides the point. 

Freeze used this one isolated incident to portray Christians and their pastor-worship. Freeze seems to have made it his life's purpose to stop every Nigerian from paying tithe, especially to Bishop Oyedepo and Adeboye. So I was not surprised when I heard him this morning on Naija Info 99.3fm where he was a guest. The topic was Should Churches Pay Tax? Of course you already know Freeze's take on this, and he somehow found a way to make it about tithes and called into question the wealth of churches owned by Oyedepo, Adeboye, Paul Adefarasin and Tony Rapu. He asked what wealthy churches are doing to better the lives of the common man, and other questions. 

He reiterated once again the tithes should not be paid but instead these monies be sown as seeds into people's lives. His point is; rather than pay that 10% to your pastor, use it to feed your hungry neighbour. 

I quite agree, because what's the point of Christianity if not love? But I wonder why people like Freeze think that paying tithe precludes you from feeding your neighbour... Like, I could give 10% of my income to my church and feed the poor with 40% or even the 90%? Does this possibility simply fly over their heads?

I understand that there are many false prophets and common criminals posed as pastors and people fall victim to them daily. But I reckon that until you've got evidence that that wealthy pastor with a billion followers is a sham, leave him and his followers be. 

I need Freeze and his devotees to understand that for many people, paying tithe is not remotely about the money. It is about the faith they have in the blessings that they believe will come as a result of obeying God's words. Malachi 3:10 perhaps...

FAITH. It's that faith that activates the blessings not the 10%, not the money. And that is what they believe. And most times, what you believe is what works for you! 

I believe that people should be allowed to practice their faith how they deem fit, and Freeze should respect that. I've heard so many arguments for and against tithing, most of them backed by scripture. 
     I think that each person should read their bible with understanding, and be discerning when it comes to giving (and tithing). Some people can attest to stupendous miracles and doors that their tithes have opened. And these are their own testimonies. Who are you to question it?
    Some don't tithe yet and greatly blessed. That's their testimony too! 
    As a Christian, I'm all for living according to God's words to the best of my ability. However I personally tend to avoid churches that insist I bring my tithe and try to put me on a guilt-trip for not tithing (or sowing). 


But that's just me. What are your thoughts on tithing? 

Oh, speaking of taxing the church, if there was transparency and accountability in the Nigerian government I'd be in support of taxing churches and mosques. But not in present day Nigeria, no please! That money'll still go straight into somebody's pockets so...





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Monday, 30 January 2017

WTF Is Wrong With Some Women?


 


A good maid is hard to find these days. Especially when there are little kids at home who have come to like the maid. 

But really, how much should a woman take all in the name of keeping a good house help?

Last week I told y'all about how my sister's house help, *Ann fell victim to these local scammers that hypnotize unknowing people and make them bring all the valuables at home. She packed my sister's gold, watches and some other jewelry. We later we found that she also gave them my sister's coral beads, some new perfumes and my brother in law's wristwatches. 

The girl (errrrm not a girl exactly. She's in her mid-late 20s) said they took her phone and her ATM cards. She told us that she had at least 100k in each account and that they'd withdrawn from both accounts. My sister went to the banks the next day and was able to check if withdrawals had been made from the accounts on that day and they were actually made. The monies were withdrawn from Abeokuta. The "charming" incident took place in Lekki. 

But, upon further investigation my sister learnt each account had less than 20k in it, contrary to the 130k and 110k she said she had. 

Still, we thought she'd lied just so my sister would probably reimburse her to the tune of what she claimed they'd stolen from her. We still believed that she was a victim of local scammers. 

However on Thursday morning my sister searched her bags and found both ATM cards and her phone which she'd claimed was stolen. Apparently she switched the phone off and hid it in her bag. This means that this girl is a criminal who actually works with some accomplices (the person(s) who made the withdrawals from Abeokuta, and came back to lekki to return the cards). 

From the day this lady claimed she was charmed my parents both insisted that it was a lie and that my sister should have her arrested immediately! My sister refused, saying that she believd she was charmed and that she saw her after the incident, and she couldn't have been acting, that she was very shaken up, she was screaming, crying, shivering and very incoherent. Actually, my cousin who was home at the time said the same thing too; that it couldn't have been an act. 

After we learnt that she lied about how much was stolen, my sister should have taken action, but she still made excuses for her, that she just wanted to be given money. 

Well now that my sister has found that she is living with a criminal, you'd think that she would immediately call the police. Well, you're wrong. 

On Thurday when this happened, I was in the East. I asked my sister when she's having her arrested, she said on Monday. I asked why she's waiting till Monday and she said she has a busy weekend so...

Mind you, this is the same house help that I told y'all was caught red handed by the other house-help stealing money from my sister's bag some months back. I also told my sister that she steals my money when I'm around too. But my sister decided not to confront her, because "when they know that you know that they steal, they will become uncomfortable and leave your house". Duhhh!

Hmm.. So we decided to be more careful with our money in the house. All because "she is good with the children"

But now that this happened I'd expected my sister to swing into immediate action. Since she said Monday, I decided to wait for Monday. Today is Monday. 

I have asked my sister this morning when she's having this girl picked up. My sister's response "But if I arrest her, who will look after the children?"  

See, I know finding a good helping can be very hard, especially when they're good with the children, and the children have gotten used to them. But...

A few years back, I read somewhere, maybe on SDK, about a woman who lost her maid to her husband. As in, hubby threw her out and married the maid. Apparently she'd known that the girl was sleeping with her husband but refused to send her away because she was very hardworking and the children liked her. Some comments on that post actually showed that she wasn't alone; a few other women admitted to looking the other way when they found out the maid was sleeping with the husband, because either they're very hardworking, or good with the children. 

But those are faceless people on the Internet, so their stories may or may not be true. Now just on Saturday I met someone who is in this same situation. Husband is sleeping with house help. She said he will eventually get tired but she isn't sending the girl away because where will she find another girl that can work, cook, and look after the kids as well as she does?

What is wrong with these people? I know, yes I know that finding good house-helps can be very hard, especially when they take care of your kids well, especially for a working mother in Lagos who can barely catch her breath. And yes, I know that one must overlook certain things when it comes to domestic staff otherwise you will keep getting new ones every other week. But how much is a person supposed to overlook?



(Ps; *Ann has just been picked up by the popo). 



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President Buhari For a Day.





I nearly fought with someone physically over the weekend because of this... President Buhari. 

At least by now we know he's alive, thank God for that. Because Nigeria just isn't ready for what would happen otherwise. 

The fight, I never get impassioned about politics or political leaders (I use the word "leaders" very lightly by the way). But I just cannot get my head around how 2 years on, people are still blaming Goodluck Jonathan for the Nigeria of today. Yes, even if we all agree that Goodluck Jonathan is the worstest president Nigeria has ever had. But wouldn't you agree that two years later, Nigeria should have started recovering, even a little?...

So let's here it from you this Monday morning. What's the first thing you'd do if you wake up as President Buhari? 

If I ask #FranklySpeaking he'll write me a 24 page thesis so nah, I'm asking you instead and we all can share our views in the comment section. #FS hun you know your views are always welcome, thesis included. LOL. 




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Saturday, 28 January 2017

Maybel: Losing The Vibe.





I met Mr B after a short while I joined my former company,I was the one who attended to him and in the process we got chatting and after few minutes of chatting, he left his complimentary card with a plea that I call him. I closed from work at about 2pm, went to the changing room and sat down. I brought out Mr B's complimentary card and stared at it for a while with a lot of things running through my mind like, who is this cutie? The sudden feeling of butterflies and happiness, the thought of him just made me feel this inner peace. I changed and signed out of the office. I brought out the card and dialed Mr B's number, he was excited to hear from me and that was the beginning of a friendship that later led to a relationship. 

After two months of being intimate, we were having a phone conversation and he made it clear to me that we weren't heading anywhere and that he cant marry someone from the east. he gave his reasons and all but that for me was the beginning of a subconscious feeling of "you are not meant to be in this relationship and it would end soon, so be prepared". 

Fast forward to January 2017, Mr B told me we would not being seeing for the whole of January because of my first semester exams which was to commence from the second weekend in the same month and there is this company report that they ought to have started in mid December 2016 but was delayed for some reasons, I had to concur even though it didn't go down well with me but I couldn't fight it knowing the kind of man I was with. Let me digress a bit,Mr B is blunt,says things the way they are no matter how hurt the other party may seem to be or feel, he is someone who doesn't want disturbance or distraction whenever he is battling with or trying to focus on stuffs. Now back to the main ish of us not seeing in January, I suddenly noticed he rarely calls and whenever he or I did,he would be eager to get off the phone. Our long night conversations suddenly started to diminish and when I asked, he says he has a lot going on for him and he needs to focus. Just yesterday,I noticed all my whatsapp messages were not being responded to and I had to send him another one asking if it was just this report or there is more to it.

Mr B called the next morning being a Saturday and after exchanging pleasantries, he dropped the bombshell. "i saw your message, haven't you noticed the vibe between us is no longer there, or am I just the one?"

I answered; "my own vibe is fine really, except its you" 

Then he went ahead to explain why he can't live in denial and the fact that he has lost the vibe he used to feel and all. I was speechless needless to say, even though I knew my being with him was not heading anywhere, I just wasn't expecting it to end so soon. That was how it ended with Mr B in just four months.

And Ohhh lest I forget, there is someone else because he says he can't be friends with me anymore so he doesn't jeopardize the new flame that has been sparked by her.
 
Note: we never had issues or neither did I offend him. 

Now my question is this, guys,
is this how you loose your vibes? What can make you loose that spark you had in less than a few months? And finally Mr B told me when we first met that he has never been in a long relationship because the vibes don't last for him. Maybe that should have been the red flag but I choose to be blinded. 

Mr B opens this blog once a while because I introduced it to him, so in case you see this Mr B, I am doing just fine, thanks for making me stronger.



***
Awww Maybel you'll be fine. Men be ghosting on girls for no reason since 1860. Please don't beat yourself up asking Why? Because there are no answers. 

Guy meets girl. Guy asks girl out. Girl gives it a shot and they start vibing. Guy likes girl. Girl starts liking guy. Girl really starts liking guy. Guy stops calling as often. Guys stops texting as often as he used to. Guy becomes suddenly busy. Guy becomes too busy for girl. Guy completely ignores your existence and leaves you confused, hurt and miserable. Until the next fuckboy comes along. 

Move on hunny. 

Ladies lets pray. May our intuitions be sharper and our senses stronger so that we may sniff fuckboyism from a mile away and run far far away! Amen. 





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When Only Married Men Want You and The Few Single Men Who Do Are Lazy About It...





And I notice this all around me. I can see easily the vast difference in a married man wooing you and a single guy asking you out. Ironically a married man is willing to walk the lengths of the earth just to get you to have dinner with him. Most single guys want you to walk the lengths of the earth just before he texts you back. 

And many chics, around my age, older and younger complain about it too. 'All the men on my case are married! The single men just aren't there. The ones that are there act like they're doing you a favour by asking you out!'

This is the same song so many single friends of mine are singing and it's quite painful to listen to. 

*Sigh*. 


Anyone experiencing this? How do you cope?

Dear Thelma (He's Been Married Twice!)




I met my Prince Charming in August 2016. I call him my Prince Charming because honest to God that is what he has been to me. I used to think he just wanted to hit and run but this man has been the biggest blessing of my life. The day we met a mutual friend warned me, that I should never take him seriously because he's been married twice and is now single again, before 40. She said he is very rich, I should just enjoy whatever he has to offer and never let my emotions get involved. That was my plan o, but in less than 3 weeks I was already falling for him and he is yet to disappoint me. I have become BFFs with his younger sister and he has met my family too and they all love him, but I haven't told them that he has been married before, twice. He hasn't proposed to me but he is dropping hints of marriage. Yesterday he said he wants us to travel for valentine and I am afraid that he might propose. I won't be able to travel because of work sha so... But my problem is this, is his twice failed marriage a red flag? I asked him about it. He didn't deny but said that the first marriage which produced one child was in his mid 20s and they were too young and immature so it fell apart. He said the second lady was ok but they were incompatible and after 3 years of marriage without any child, she said she wants to leave the country for good and asked for a divorce. I asked his younger sister and she collaborated his story but I am still not very convinced. I love this man with my heart and soul but I don't want to enter one chance. Also what are the chances of my parents approving me of being somebody's 3rd wife? Please I just need sincere advice, I'm 32 and will love to marry this year but I'm not desperate. 

Thank you all. 


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Thursday, 26 January 2017

Thelma Thinks Help Centre!




The Help Centre is you and I guys. I was really moved when I got a message from one of our most loyal readers and commenters on the blog. If I could I would have singlehandedly helped out but we need everyone who can to help with what they have. 

I know that if I disclosed her identity most of us would be more moved to help out, but for obvious reasons she wouldn't want that. So I'm just hoping that everybody who can, reaches out to me.

I'd told her it's nothing to be ashamed of. She is a single young lady in her early 20s without a well-paying job and she lives all alone and is the only one responsible for her welfare, it's only normal that she'd fall into this kind of situation once in a while.  

She's not asking for so much as all she needs is enough money to pay for a one room apartment either in Surelere, Cele, Egbeda or Yaba axis. So I'm certain that we can all do this. Little drops as they say, make an ocean. 

Please mail me for her account details (thelmathinks@gmail.com) or call me on 08173600406

I look forward to hearing from you all. 

Wednesday, 25 January 2017

Favourite: Living With The Landlord




Maybel and I hadn't seen in months as she had been in calabar serving our fatherland , but hey its Christmas and she was back in the city of Ibadan to spend the festivities with family and friends.

We planned a whole day of activities, starting with hanging out at our favourite pizza spot, Dominos, watch  Live by night at Filmhouse  Dugbe and end the day shopping at the heritage mall. Live by night isn't really my kind of movie as I am more of a Chick flick kinda girl but bestie wanted this movie & watch it we will.

My phone rang breaking into my reverie, its Maybel calling. "Bukayo,where are you?" 

"At Dominos" I told her 

"OMG, its so good to see you" I said hugging her minutes later. "Calabar really does agree with you, you look fab". I had really missed my best friend and looking into her eyes, I could see the feelings mirrored. 

"So when do you move into your crib?" I asked. 

"As soon as I get back to calabar" came her reply 

"I am so glad you already have a job in calabar post NYSC, it does make sense getting an apartment. It's a One bedroom flat right? So have you met  your neighbours? Any cute guys in your compound?"

"You and cute guys sha..." Maybel replied laughing. "Sorry to burst your bubble girl but it's just me, a newly wedded couple and the landlord with his family". 

"The Landlord & his family live in the compound?" I was looking alarmed. "Ahh, you didn't tell me you will be living with your landlord!". 

"No it didn't come up in the discussion as I didn't think it was important... Is that a problem?" She asked me.

"Well not really... its just, you know what they say about living with the landlord......"


***

P.S: This story is purely a work of fiction, any resemblance to any person (living or dead) is purely a coincidence

N.B
Have you ever lived or are you currently living in the same compound with your landlord? How was the experience? Would you rent a house with a resident landlord?

For me no I wouldn't. Years back I lived in a house with a resident landlord, suffice it to say I was moving a year later, like my rent barely expired and I was moving. And no I wouldn't rent a house with a resident landlord again.


***

Service year was my worst year yet, simply because the landlord lived in the same compound. So no, not again. And I'd bear that in mind and respect my tenants wishes not to live with a landlord when I become one.  




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2face's Call To Action! Who's in?




2Baba has called on Nigerians to join him at a nationwide protest set to hold in February with the aim of demanding answers from the government over several issues, including the economic recession.


FIRST MASSIVE NATIONWIDE PROTESTS ON THE 5TH OF FEBRUARY, 2017.

A call for good governance.
A call for urgent explanation into the reckless economic downturn nationwide.
A call for nationwide protests as we say No to the Executive, No to legislatures, No to judiciary… You have all failed us.
We the people are tired. We can no longer continue with all of you. All your excuses and mistakes are not funny. We do not wish to continue with a system and government that is not working but afflicting the people. We the people of this country not living under the privileges of government allowances and remuneration have now accepted to take the bull by the horn to come out and protest this obnoxious and baseless policies and excuses of the government of the day.

Where are the recovered looted funds?
Why do we still have the executive arms and legislatures still enjoying their salaries and allowances while we hear there’s no money to pay workers?
Why do we still see ceaseless power failures with no explanation and hope of getting out of it unlike before?
Why do we keep seeing peace talks in Niger Delta, Fulani herdsmen and ipob without any solutions being reached, while the strategies keep aggravating the people involved as political leaders stage forums to extort funds in the name of addressing their subjects?
Why did we have petrol price rise to 145 for the sake of global oil price crash and removal of subsidy but such price is still being maintained despite significant reawakening of the oil price from $30/barrel to $56/barrel?
Who is to be held accountable for the sudden and continuous hike in price of commodities in the market, where for the first time in history, Nigeria is suddenly selling kerosene at 400 naira per litre as against 50 naira per litre, diesel at 300 naira per litre as against 100 naira per litre and petrol from 87 naira to 145 naira? Yet maintaining the same systems, environment and maybe a lesser money spending government.

There’s need for Nigerians to rise against what is happening in this country having waited patiently for the legislatures that were elected to represent the people all to no avail.


***

Yes please!

You?


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Tuesday, 24 January 2017

They Hypnotized Her.





Hypnotism is real!

I've watched some videos online. All sorts of hypnotism, some even end up on porn sites...

But let me get back on track. Hypnotism. 

Nigerians do it too. But instead of using our "Jazz" for better something, we must sha use it for bad. 

And so yesterday my sister's help said she felt something press against her back and she pretty much blanked out after that. They asked her to bring her ATM, asked for the pin (they withdrew most of her cash, because she didn't tell us on time that they'd been withdrawing her money, it's only earlier today we were able to go to the bank to have her card blocked). They took her phone and the little cash she had on her. And then she also cleared out my sister's jewelry and wristwatches. 

The only reason I'm writing this lightheartedly is that my sister keeps most of her gold or other expensive jewelry at the bank not at home. So the maid gave them about two sets of gold, a gold bracelet, and then costume jewelry. The two watches were quite expensive too but not expensive enough to cry over. I guess we're all just grateful that the heavy stuff are kept safely at the bank. 

My sister is a lot luckier that my friend's Mum. Sometime last year in Lekki phase 1... Mama had quite a lot at home. They maid gave the 419ers mama's $10,000, £8,000, diamond jewelry worth hundreds of thousands of dollars (which the idiots probably sold for 20,000 naira😐), GOLDDDDDDDDDDDDD, and a few million nairas. 

Now you may be wondering why there was so much at home. It's a police family (Daddy was way up in the NPF) and the residence is fully guarded 24-7 with armed security. As such the residents believed that their properties were safe and secure. So this maid who'd been working with them for years and had never once stolen and had become a part of the family, seemingly posed no threat. 

It seems everyday in Lagos we here about how someone's maid, and sometimes, child, was touched by a strange person on the road and suddenly went home to cart all the valuables!

True confession, it happened me too when I was a teen. I went home to bring my mum's gold and nearly broke down her wardrobe when I saw that it was locked. Failing, I picked some costume jewelry she left on her dresser and some lose change around the house, about 100 bucks. Needless to say, I was bad market πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. Those guys faces would have made a perfect billboard for disappointment when I handed them the loot. 

But hypnotism goes way beyond what these local 419ers do in Nigeria... It's very wide and diverse

My aunty, for instance. She used to be a chronic smoker, the type that'd do 2 or 3 packs a day, everyday. She used to eat, drink, swallow cigarettes and could never imagine her life without it. She was an addict that loved her addiction. But when her health started to totter, while on vacation in England, she went for hypnosis and has never once smoked a stick of cigarette ever since that day. She says she has no idea what happened, all she knows was that she paid £200 and walked out of there a while later, and has never been able to touch a cigarette ever since. 


Maybe these Nigerian 419ers, if only they weren't so lazy and deviant, could actually learn more and put their jazz to better use. Or don't you agree? 

Let's see. How else do you reckon these criminals can better use their craft?

Have or, or someone you know ever fallen victim? Tell us about it. 

I Fear The Teething Stage!





Yes, Tonto Dike's marriage has been all over the news of late and that's quite sad. But the comment I saw on Bella Naija directed at Tonto made me smile, sadly. 

Tonto marriage is not an easy one and who ever says it is or makes it look like it is is nothing but a pretender covering up buried skeletons. 

What you and hubby are going through is called the teething stage of a marriage and EVERY marriage undergoes it. Teething stage follows right after the honey moon stage. But sadly it lasts longer than the honey moon stage. It can last from 2-4/5 years after the honey moon stage is over. Honey moon stage lasts only 6months to 2 years for the lucky few who can enjoy it for up to 2 years. But like it or not teething stage follows right after. 

It can propagated by bad inlaws, bad habits of either spouses not completely checked prior to getting married or loose women or men out there or husband thieves as I choose to call them. . 

It is at this teething stage that the wiser men adopt a more tolerant and mature approach to his marriage being the leader of the home as he ought to be and the women would adopt the stooping to conquer technique. Not that she’s a fool, but If she has been lucky to have been advised properly by the best hands she will successed and not only that but eventually be the boss of the marriage too!.
For the woman, teething stage is not a time to act the boss, be in charge or wear the pants in the home. If you do so or even come close to doing it, the man will resent you. It is a time to let him believe he is the boss but time will tell that as you diligently take care of your kids and the home coupled with having your own career as someone at least financially independent, in time the tide will turn he will gradually defer to you naturally and unfussed. 

Teething stage is the most painful cos it is actually when you’re learning yourselves as husband and wife. It is the most painful time of marriage life but does not last forever and it is the time which determines which marriages will crash or last and stand the test of time."


You know, I'm not married but I fear this. I know it will come and I'm wondering am I mature enough to handle that? Will I cave in and bow out? Will he be patient, wise and mature enough to weather those storms? Will we both, or either of us, look else where for solace?

Hmm. Are you married? Do you agree with the comment above? Have you experienced teething stage? What's it's like, what's your coping mechanism? Please share. 





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Favourite: Comparison or Benchmarking?





Benchmarking as defined is a measurement of the quality of an organization's policies, products,programs,strategies & their comparison with standard measurements and similar measurements of its peers.

Comparison is defined as a consideration or estimation of the similarities or dissimilarities between two things or people. It's used to indicate degrees of superiority or inferiority in quality,quantity or intensity.

The main difference between benchmarking and comparison is its focus i.e it's objective. Benchmarking on a personal level could be seen as the measurement of the quality of an individual's goals, plans, strategies and how it compares to similar measurements of your peers. In simple terms, to benchmark is to say, this is my goal, the results I seek, now I know/see someone who has achieved similar results that I am after, how did they achieve it, what exactly did they do? Now given my unique resources, personality, abilities, experiences, how can I customize what I have learnt to achieve the results I seek? 

While comparison dwells on inferiority/superiority and similarities/dissimilarities and most often stops at that benchmarking takes it a notch higher by been more attuned to getting results. The objectives of benchmarking is not limited to but includes:
  • To objectively decide if one has been making optimal use of unique resources,experiences and knowledge 
  • To determine what and where improvements are called for
  • To analyze how your peers achieve their high performance levels
  • To use the information to improve performance 

So do you compare or benchmark? Or you do neither? Is there another way you go about getting results unique to you? What do you call it? how does it work? Let's learn from you!

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Time To Go...




It's not time to go. I've been blessed with a good blog and even better blog readers, and shutting it down crossed my mind for the upteenth time but I suddenly felt intensely sad and that's how I know it's not yet time to go. 

But I admit that I'm not holding my end of the bargain and I feel terribly guilty about this. At the moment so much is going on in my life and it makes it hard for me to stay focused on blogging, or to even get on the Internet and know what's going on. 

I recently moved back to the Mainland (probably temporarily) to run a family business and this is taking all my time. It's bigger than me, there's sooooooo much riding on it and it's a 7 day a week project, for now at least. 

So this, among other things, makes it really hard to find time for anything else at the moment. The only things I find I can focus on are my relationship with God (because I need Him now more than I ever have), the business, and my nearest. 

That said, since I'm not ready to delete Thelma Thinks from the blogosphere yet, neither am I ready to lose those of you I have left, I'd ask that those of you who can, become contributors to the blog. 

There's so much happening these days, 2017 is turning out to be a very frenetic year so you see, you have material! LOL. 

Send me a mail and let's get posting. 

I'm still here. I'm not shirking my blogging responsibilities, there's just be a shift in priorities and demands. 







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Friday, 20 January 2017

Favourite: Living In Gidi ((Lagos vs Abuja)





The Day started out like any other day or so I thought......little did I know events had already unfolded to make the day a memorable one for me.

Driving from my Lugbe abode, one of Abuja's satellite towns to my office in Maitama took me all of fifteen(15) minutes. The M.D would like to see you in an hour, said my secretary as I stepped into my office.

"Over the past five(5) years you have proven to be a dedicated, diligent, dependable and vital part of this organization. Hence I am pleased to inform you of your promotion & transfer to Lagos with effect from February 1st,2017. I have unwavering confidence in your ability to head our new branch in Lagos. All necessary structures have been put in place and I am available to provide appropriate support. Do not disappoint me" emphasized the MD. 

"Congratulations.......thank you sir...." i managed to say.


It's been days since I got this news and my feelings are still undecided about this impending move. And yes,my name is Akan and I will be living in Gidi or so says my promotion/transfer letter.


N.B
I was chatting with a friend just yesterday and part of his 2017 goals is moving back to Abuja from Lagos. You see he used to live & work in Abuja before his organization transferred him to Lagos. After five (5) years in Lagos, he wants to get back to Abuja and doesn't mind moving to another organization to achieve that (even though he just got promoted by his current organization). According to him he is tired of not having a worklife balance in Gidi.

So tell us about you....which city (Gidi or Abuja) is your preference and why? if you got transferred from one city to another, would you port happily? Would you resign from the job?lols (maybe the  thought of switching is that despicable to you ) or would you grudgingly go and get back to your preferential city the first chance you get? In your current  city, do you have a work life balance? 



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I don't know about anybody else but I'd pick living & working in Abuja ten times over before Lagos. You?




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Kemi Olunloyo To Laura Ikeji-Kanu.




Yesterday Laura Ikeji and her boo, younger brother of Kanu Nwankwo got married legally. Congrats to them! 

Well there's been some talk, especially with regards to Laura's botched attempt at photoshopping one of the pictures... I really and truly don't get Laura doing that. Is it pregnancy? Wow! Girl be proud and flaunt it. It's something to celebrate, it's not like any of us were expecting you to be a virgin or anything... Anyways, over to aunty Kemi. Read below. 



"Congrats to #LauraIkeji on getting married. However many ppl have asked me to critique this picture as a #socialcritic. The photo is retouched. That is not her hand. Too bony, people say she's hiding a baby bump. Registry marriages usually mean you are either pregnant or poor. For Laura Ikeji and a brother of a footballer? What happened to your double wedding shit in #Nigeria? Traditional and white. So what if she's preggo? Bout time one of those gals gave their mom a grandchild. One thing very wrong in this picture is the Ogbonna Kanu dude's hair. Its disgusting. He has a receding hairline those braids are pulling back and moving steadily. He will have that #rihanna forehead full blown soon coupled with being bald. His braiding person should be shot at the firing squad. He looks messy! Total rating for the loud money hungry Ikeji girls, Linda could have gifted her a more decent wedding dress . For crying out loud, Laura calls herself #FashionBlogger of 2016... in what country??? #hnnstyle"



This woman though...

Thursday, 19 January 2017

Ifesinachi Okonkwo: I Must Get Married This Year!





I paced around the room, my palms were sweaty, I was running late. I stared at my huge afro weavon, and slid a brush through it. I applied oil sheen, massaged, and pulled the tip up to give it a bouncy look. I wondered if this is the kind of hair I should wear. Wasn't it too obvious? Too flamboyant? I applied Mary Kay foundation, carefully pressing the puff on my skin, making sure it blends well; what was more embarrasing than having foundation run in a line on ones face - so callow. I hesitated for a minute; should I use the red or pink lipstick. I went with red, afterall I should look like a woman that is ready for marriage, pink seems too girly. I had wanted to wear my peach coloured christian loubiton pumps but I changed my mind, it was too expensive. I settled for my low heeled 'no designer label' ballet shoes. I wore my Gucci wristwatch, I didn't have to look like a guttersnipe, and of course I wouldn't want to be labeled a Gold digger.
I was going to attend Nneka's wedding. She was my course mate in the university, that was eight years ago.

The best place to meet your future husband is at a wedding. It happened for my friends; Uju, Rita, Blossom, it would happen for me too, I prayed. I didn't use my car, not because it had a bad tyre or an engine problem: It was a strategy, what if I meet someone I like and he offers to drop me? I couldn't tell him I was with my own car. It would sound too independent; Nigerian men want to date independent girls they don't want to marry them.
Before I stepped out of my house, I declared, like my pastor says ' there is power in the word of the mouth'. 'Today, I am going to meet my soul mate, my husband, the man that will complete me. The lord will put my enemies to shame. My husband is waiting for me at Nneka's wedding. My desperate search for a husband must end today.' By the time I ended my prayer, i was vibrating and sweating like a christmas goat.

I entered a rickety bus from the Island to the Mainland. The journey lasted three hours 'in the same Lagos o!' I thought. By the time I alighted the bus, my waist was on fire, the holes on the road were no longer potholes they were tanker holes; so deep and big. The traffic was nothing to write home about; as slow as a snail. I felt cranky and uncomfortable as I moved with difficulty to an Okada stand. Thank God I didn't wear my pumps. I had forgotten what that side of Lagos looked like, even though I spent the first few years of my life there.

Saturdays in Lagos were not as busy as weekdays but they were the noisiest. Unlike weekdays when people were too busy to discuss, loiter, and waste unnecessary time, on saturdays people had time to waste and do unnecessary things, like the two women who stood on the road discussing the hike in the price of kerosine; In the middle of the road!
Even though the Governor had banned commercial motorcycles from plying the roads of Lagos, they were littered everywhere like mosquitoes on debris. 'God's own church' I said to one, scanning him from his dirty cap to his torn shoes; I had to make sure he is not Hausa, those ones can drive recklessly. Satisfied, I climbed on the Okada, feeling terribly awkward, I couldn't remember the last time I climbed one.

If any of the couple wedding is not related to you and you are not part of the bridal train, you don't attend the church service, it is just none of your business. I was an hour late for the church service on purpose.

I walked in slowly, peeking from the corner of my eyes to see if I was drawing positive attention. I sighted a gathering and moved closer, it was Nneka and her gap toothed, dwarf husband posing for pictures. My eyes scanned the gathering and I almost gave a loud hiss. There was no way anything good could come out from this wedding. All the ladies looked faded like old fake clothes that already had tiny holes in them. The men looked tired, tired of life in their rumpled oversized suits. What happened? I asked myself. What kind of people did Nneka invite to her wedding? Nneka used to be a happening chick way back in school. She was one of the finest girls in school and she had all the boys licking her feet and eating her shit, now look at her, in the ugliest wedding gown I had laid my eyes on - who wears satin these days? - thread poking out of the material. The desperate want for a husband had defeated her. She smiled, a strained smile as the photographer pushed her head into position. Her dwarf husband held her waist, his short hands barely reaching the other side of her hip. Apart from the colourless bridal train nothing was more hilarious than that. Nneka caught my eyes and gave me a grin so wide I felt it would hurt. I didn't blame her, I was the one bright thing in this darkness she had fallen into. When I got a chance to talk to her, she held my hands and begged me to stay. I wanted to ask her what happened, how she got here. She read the question on my face.

'Babe, you should understand how this thing works. I am already getting old, the older I get the worse my suitors are. I have decided to manage this one' she said, using her jaw to point at her husband who was posing for a picture with his page boy.

I walked to the reception and already at one corner of the medium sized hall were Yoruba women, I could easily tell from the height of their gele that almost touched roof. On the other corner, written in a card placed on the long table was 'Ada Igbo Association' I guessed they were Nneka's mother's guests. In a shattering contrast to the other side of the table, they looked dull with their identical brown wrapper that had the face of a man imprinted in it. No earrings, No make up, just plain middle aged women.

I settled in a chair after using my handkerchief to wipe it thoroughly for fear of dust. A fat bean faced guy sat next to me. I could see from the corner of my eyes that he was checking me out. The wedding began and the chairman of the occasion gave a speech. I glanced at the Order of programme menu regularly, hoping, praying that the wedding comes to an end so that I could run back to the solitude of my apartment on the Island, a place that wasn't polluted with the putrid smell of poverty.
'Who are you here to for?' the bean faced guy asked me.
 I knew that there was no need indulging him, even though I was desperate to drop the cloak of singleness and find a husband, I wasn't Nneka, I wouldn't settle for a fat man with bean shaped face, atleast for the sake of my children. I got up gently and went to a vacant seat at the back. 

Nneka and her husband danced into the hall. Her carton of a wedding gown sweeping the dusty floor as she danced, not with her husband, but with herself. I knew that feeling. It was her wedding and even though she was married to a short man who she did not love, it was still her wedding and she was going to enjoy it.

When they got to their seats, we all sat down, and someone was now occupying the formerly vacant seat close to me. I turned to look at him and I suppressed a smile, at least a bright light at the end of the tunnel. He was fair complexioned, I wouldn't call him handsome, he was decent looking, clean was the word for it. I borrowed the line of the bean faced guy. 'So who are you here for?' I asked. 'Chidi' he said abruptly. I wished I had stopped at that because what came next was heartbreaking for me. 'Beautiful wedding' I said. 'Yes, very beautiful, Chidi is my very tight friend, we live for the same yard'. He replied in a tangled mixture of English and pidgin coated with a terrible igbo accent. I hid my face in my hands and gave up. He tried to continue the conversation and I ignored him, pretending as though I was listening to the jabbering of the Comedian M.C who obviously had no jokes to tell. They couldn't even hire a good M.C. 

It was toast time and we toasted to the a blissful life for the couple with no wine. I chuckled at the irony of the toast. The Nneka I know would give her husband nothing but trouble after this marriage, she was a volcano waiting to erupt, going about like a good wife but after the wedding everyone would see her true colour. That was what being single at 30 turned us to; Pretentious, frustrated girls.
I was served rice and malt, no juice, no wine, no cake, no desert. I had tried. 

I was about to leave when a dark stately man breezed into the reception hall. I was some distance a way from him but I could smell his perfume; he was wearing Bvlgari, the expensive one. Alas! My soul mate. I watched him as he smiled at his friends exposing the whitest and most arranged set of teeth I have ever seen. I assessed him. My eyes went to his shoes, then his watch, his phones, his shades and of course his car keys. He was rich, a capable husband. I quickly removed my beauty weapons, I powdered my face, re applied my lipstick, straightened my dress and was about to walk up and ask 'Who are you here for?' When I saw him hunched over, talking to one of the yoruba women, his voice booming, he was speaking Yoruba, not in the way people that came to Lagos and learnt Yoruba speak it, but like a true son of the soil; ending every word with an exclamation and leaving his mouth open for a few seconds before going to another sentence. My last hope was crushed, he was Yoruba. A Yoruba man can't be my soul mate, I was a typical Igbo girl. My mother would slap me to my senses if I brought a Yoruba man home for a husband. That she had been sending me text messages every morning, asking me if I was an Ogbanje or a lesbian and didn't want to ever get married didn't mean I should take a Yoruba man to her.

As I squeezed myself into another rickety bus I wished I had come with my car.
Home had never felt so sweet, I crashed on my bed, tired, exhausted but not defeated. Next Saturday was Ifeoma's wedding, maybe this time I would be lucky. My pastor had told me at the beginning of the year. 'YOU MUST MARRY THIS YEAR'. It was already september and I shall not deter because I MUST MUST GET MARRIED YEAR WHETHER THE DEVIL LIKES IT OR NOT.



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I was reading some of my blog posts from 2,3 years back and I found so many interesting pieces. Kai, hundreds of posts. Some really good ones too. I read some posts by blog readers and I could still remember posting this one above in early 2014. I enjoyed reading it back then and I thought you might now. 

I miss Ifesinachi. I think I remember her "disfriending" our blog because we had some differences on feminism and men (she didn't seem to like men much and I seemed to like them more than she thought a woman (or feminist?) should). Or/and majority of blog readers' views on same. She sent me an email to that effect, if I remember correctly. Oh well, I hope she comes back some day, I loved having her here. Her comments were golden too. 

So the story, you like? LOL. 

...Oh, I know many ladies here at the start of this year said "This is my year of marriage!". So I'm sure you can relate. πŸ˜‰



Picture credit: peniel enchill
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