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First Date From Hell!

I've had some hellish first dates but this particular one wins the prize for first dates from hell-Thelma's edition. 

I've had some dates that went sour after the guy simply presumed that his bed was the natural destination for the night. Or that one who was so intrigued and fascinated by his own life that he couldn't stop talking about himself, and with utmost fascination too! Or that other one when I really wanted to enjoy our date but his mouth smelt like onions and ogiri had a baby and left it there to die... No, let me tell you about this one. This guy who on our first date chose to tell me all the bad things that had ever happened in his life. And boy, were they A LOT! 

Let's call him *Tobi. I was with a couple of girls when I met Tobi and each of us had an instant crush on him. He was tall, fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine and a sharp dresser. I couldn't believe my luck, he chose me!!!

Well, they say if something is too good to be true it probably is. 

He took me out to a very nice restaurant and asked me to make my order. They brought our drinks but the food would take a bit of time. Tobi then started telling me how much he liked me, he liked me so much that he felt he could be himself around me, he felt he could really talk to me. 

And talk he did. 

Toby started by telling me how he was molested by the house help when he was 8. Then he told me of the time his uncle's wife constantly tried to seduce him and eventually raped him when he was 16. A few months later she was found to be pregnant, and oh, Tobi's uncle was impotent so when they asked her who the baby daddy was she pointed at Tobi, and claimed that he raped her. He denied and denied but nobody would listen, and so he was eventually taken to the village shrine to swear an oath (at this point I had started to wish I'd just stayed at home). 

He told me how in his 2nd year in Uni there was a clash between two cults, and on this particular day he left home really early and asked his girlfriend to go home to her parents because his room wasn't safe, but she refused, insisting that she needed to be by his side. He said he pleaded with her to leave and then went into hiding. Unknown to him she stayed back to wait for him and later that day some cultists came looking for him, and when they didn't find him they killed his girlfriend out of anger, or retribution... He told me how this threw him into depression for several months and he had to leave school. And then when he eventually returned to school he tried to start a business as he was the one putting himself through school, so with his life savings he bought a bus to use for public tranportation and hired a driver. One day when some local tyrants had a clash in the village they burnt down his bus and killed his driver in the process. And then the driver's family later came to look for him and accused him of killing their brother, they had him arrested and locked up for weeks. 

At this point they had brought the food but my appetite had left the building replacing itself with a migraine. 

The unfortunate stories kept tumbling out of his mouth and I totally zoned out. 

I wished Tobi had toasted one of my other friends instead. 

Needless to say, that was our first date and last date. Judge me all you want, I don't mind 😐. 

I think everyone has been on one bad date at least, tell me yours 😭🙈.


  1. lol @ Tobi and his stories. I guess he just wanted to reel out his life experiences.

    No bad first dates comes to memory. But then, I'm always cautious of my association and who I spend my time with. Chrisyinks

    1. Chrisyinks, you can't really know people until you spend time with them so bad dates sometimes still happen to good, cautious even discerning people

    2. True. I guess I've had the good fortune of luck working in my favor per first dates. Chrisyinks

  2. Tobi should get a shrink to talk to. That's what they're there and paid for *rolls eyes*
    What he shouldn't do is traumatize people's kids with his woes especially as you can't do anything to help him.
    Sorry if I sound insensitive but Doom and Gloom dates just get to me

  3. Heheheheehe... Thelma why did you run away from the poor man now?? LoL.. Maybelline

  4. That's a lot of bad incidents for just one person. Where is everyone BTW?


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